


The Once and Future Jedi

by audbooh



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Coma, F/M, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Head Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Secrets, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-06-18 21:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 41,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15494850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/audbooh/pseuds/audbooh
Summary: Choice one, leave Ben here. He would survive with the First Order's medical aid. If General Hux didn't leave him to die. But he wouldn't be with her. He had turned good, in these few moments.Choice two, take Ben with her. He may survive, with the Resistance's care. And he would be with her. They could learn the Jedi secrets together, defeat the First Order together. But he may not survive. And the Resistance would capture him. Maybe execute him.Blood spilt from Ben's too-pale lips.A third choice came to her. Take Ben with her. But hide him, hide him from the Resistance. She could keep him alive. The Falcon had medical resources. She could pay a medical droid. Keep it quiet. The more she thought about it, the more option three appealed to her.After the battle in the throne room goes horribly wrong, Rey knows she can't leave Kylo Ren to die. The war between the Resistance and the First Order rages on as Rey struggles to keep a big secret. Everything will come to an end.





	1. The Beginning Of The End

**Author's Note:**

> I have no beta (except for Grammarly) so please excuse any grammatical/formatting errors.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle in the throne room goes horribly wrong. Rey makes a difficult choice, then fights in the Battle of Crait.

Adrenaline rushed through her as her hand shot up, reaching for the hilt of her lightsaber. Rey stood up, facing Ben, breathing heavily. Relief and shock coursed through her veins. He had chosen her. He had not killed her. He chose to be with her, to battle with her. It was all going to be okay!

  
Rey stared into Ben's eyes as he ignited his lightsaber. For a moment, she knew that their goals were aligned. They were on the same side.

  
The Praetorian Guards surrounded them, and Rey and Ben turned to fight them. The battle rushed around her, and as Rey deflected strikes from the Praetorian Guards she felt hyper-aware of Ben. He grunted as he dodged a strike, ducking down.

  
It was as if they were in perfect symmetry. Rey could feel Ben's every move through the Force, and she was certain he could feel hers. Her heart thudded in her chest as she fought off the guards. Ben bent backwards as Rey gripped his thigh. He lifted her off the ground as she threw a kick against a Guard, and the two continued their battle.

  
Rey was separated from Ben as she fought off two Praetorian guards. One of them twisted their weapon at her, and she spun out of reach. She deflected their strike, and her lightsaber was caught in the other's weapon. She gripped her lightsaber with all of her strength as the guard pulled her towards him. He placed her hand on her throat, and Rey quickly found a path. She twisted out of his grip and sliced through his shoulder, throwing his weapon into the wall. Rey took a quick breath as another Praetorian guard split his weapon in half. As he advanced towards her, Rey twirled her lightsaber and let out a feral scream. She was working on pure adrenaline, on the training she'd received from Ben in their Force Bond. She swung her lightsaber, the sound of their weapons clashing ringing in her ears.

  
The Praetorian Guard blocked a strike from her with one hand and sliced her arm with the other. Pain erupted from the wound, and Rey let out a grunt. She struck at the Guard again.

  
Rey swung her blade in a wide arc at the guard, who ducked to dodge the lightsaber. They swung at each other for a bit more, then the guard kicked Rey in the stomach, sending her to the ground. But there was no time to waste. She jumped up, swinging her blade once again, trying to block his advances.

  
The guard trapped her arm, pushing his blade near her throat. Rey struggled against it until an idea came to her. She dropped her lightsaber, catching it with the other hand and slicing the Praetorian Guard. She heard a cry of pain and turned to Ben.

  
The Praetorian Guard's blade was in Ben's lower abdomen. Blood seeped out of Ben's mouth, trailing down his chin. Panic flared in Rey.

  
" _Ben!_ " Rey shouted, and through his pain, Ben glanced towards her. She threw her lightsaber, and he caught it, igniting it into the Praetorian Guard's skull. The body fell behind him, and he breathed heavily as his mind caught up to his body. Ben took a tentative step forward, the weapon still in his abdomen, before collapsing to the floor. There was a loud _crack_ as he hit his head against the floor.

  
Rey rushed to his side, tripping over her own feet in her rush to get to him. She fell to the floor beside him, her mind blank.

  
Ben's face was pale, too pale. His eyes glassed over as his head lolled to the side. There was blood spattered on his head. His hands were clutching his wound. Rey's mind shut off as she went on autopilot, categorising her priorities. She pushed on his wound as she thought to herself, before breaking off the weapon so only the blade was there.

  
Number one, keep Ben alive. She would never be able to forgive herself if he died. He might've been her enemy, her captor, part of the First Order, but Rey had grown closer to Ben in these past few days. Closer than she'd been with anyone else.

  
Number two, get out of here. The First Order would be coming for them, and she couldn't stay here. They would most certainly capture her, maybe execute her.

  
Rey knew she had a choice. And time was running out. Ben was dying. And she had to act fast.

  
Choice one, leave Ben here. He would survive with the First Order's medical aid. If General Hux didn't leave him to die. But he wouldn't be with her. He had turned good, in these few moments.

  
Choice two, take Ben with her. He may survive, with the Resistance's care. And he would be with her. They could learn the Jedi secrets together, defeat the First Order together. But he may not survive. And the Resistance would capture him. Maybe execute him.

  
Blood spilt from Ben's too-pale lips.

  
A third choice came to her. Take Ben with her. But hide him, hide him from the Resistance. She could keep him alive. The Falcon had medical resources. She could pay a medical droid. Keep it quiet. The more she thought about it, the more option three appealed to her.

  
The Supremacy shook, and there was a blinding light. Rey was thrown off her feet, and Ben groaned as his body shook from the impact. Rey got up from the blast, and her heart skipped a beat.

  
The throne room was in tatters. The fire was everywhere, burning up the throne room. Rey didn't know what had happened, but she knew one thing.

  
Their time was running out. Rey rushed forward, grabbing Ben's lightsaber and hooking it onto her belt. Rey picked up her lightsaber too, strapping it to her belt with some torn cloth. She went back to Ben, stepping behind him and wrapping her arms under his shoulders. She lifted him up, and Ben let out a scream of pain. Tears fell down Rey's face as she dragged Ben by his shoulders, inch by inch toward's Snoke's escape craft. She placed her right hand on his wound, pressing into it. Ben's screams were drowned out by the sounds of the Supremacy falling apart. Rey dragged Ben inside the escape craft, dropping him as soon as he was inside. He gasped in pain, more blood spilling from his lips. Rey started to cry, hating to see someone she cared about in pain. She brushed hair out of Ben's wide eyes, then took his hands and pressed them against his wound. Hopefully, he would get the message.

  
Rey slid into the pilot's seat, activating the launch sequence. The small craft shot out of the side of the Supremacy seamlessly. Rey glanced back towards Ben, worry etched into her very being. He was panting hard, eyes wild as he struggled to keep awake. When she turned towards him, his glassy eyes locked onto her. Rey looked carefully and saw bruises surrounding his left eye. He didn't say a word, just kept his eyes trained on her. The fear and pain in his eyes made Rey's heart pang. She pulled out the small comm she had kept and called Chewie.

  
Chewie's anxious roars came over the comm, and Rey gasped in relief. He asked her if she was okay.

  
"I'm fine, Chewie. But, please help me. Sending you coordinates now. I beg of you, please don't overreact. I don't know how much time he has left," Rey said, and her voice broke. Chewie roared again, his voice filled with concern, but Rey found herself unable to expand on her reply.

  
"Get the medbay ready, please," Rey replied. The comm cut off, and Rey let the shuttle drift into space. She jumped out of the pilot's seat, falling to Ben's side once again. She pushed against his wound, the weapon still embedded in it, placing pressure on it. His eyebrows shot up, and he gasped in pain. He looked into her, conveying all of his emotions through his eyes. His hair was matted against his skull. It was like he was clutching onto her with only his eyes. He turned his unfocused eyes towards the cockpit. Rey leaned her forehead against his, lightly. Ben gasped at the touch, pulling away. Rey saw a wound on his forehead, where his head had connected to the ground. Blood seeped from his eyes and his nose. Her heart rate jacked up.

  
"Please, stay alive. Please, Ben. Don't leave me," she whispered. He turned his glassy eyes towards her before they rolled into the back of his head. His skin felt warm, too warm. He looked too pale, even paler than in the throne room. They were running out of time.

  
The sound of the comm beeping brought Rey out of her thoughts. She wiped her bloody hands on her pants before answering the comm.

  
Chewie informed her that the Falcon was here, with the medbay fully prepped.

  
"Thank you, Chewie," Rey said before shutting off the comm. She wrapped her arms around Ben again as she dragged him to the escape pod. He didn't make a sound. Rey assumed he passed out, but his hands twitched at his side when she moved him. Once she manoeuvred him into the escape pod, the weapon protruding from his belly, she aimed it at the Falcon, pressing the launch button. The pod shot out, rocking slightly. Ben groaned in his unconscious state.

  
The pod had a rough landing, and Rey's heart hammered in her chest. But when the doors open, Chewie was there, and it was the most comforting thing in the universe. Rey beckoned Chewie to her side, wrapping her arms around Ben once more.

  
When Chewie saw who she was cradling, he roared in anger. He asked her if she knew what she was doing, asked her what was she thinking, bringing the enemy aboard the Falcon. And yet, his tone conveyed no anger. Only a slight tinge of disappointed, with a hint of worry.

  
"Please, Chewie," Rey pleaded, tears streaming down her face, "he's dying." Chewie's expression changed, from one of disappointment to one of compassion. He must've seen Rey's battered expression. Chewie nodded, and together, they lifted Ben up. He moaned from the pain, blood spurting from his lips. Rey's eyebrows shot up in concern, her heart beating wildly. But her work was not done. Together, Rey and Chewie carried Ben to the medbay, fully prepped. They laid him down, hooking him up to the machine, which read his concerns and prepped itself accordingly. Rey stepped away as she let the machine do its job.

  
Rey turned and embraced Chewie, letting her tears fall against his fur. He didn't hesitate before wrapping his arms around her, stroking her back comfortingly.

  
Everything had gone so wrong. How was it that only moments ago, Rey was fighting alongside Ben, floating on air? She had fought side by side with him. And now he was laying in a medbay's bed, with blood seeping from his wound and his skin so pale it was almost white.

  
Rey stepped away from Chewie, drying her tears, before glancing back at Ben. The machines beeped as they struggled to stabilise Ben.

  
"We need to help the Resistance," Rey said, glancing towards Crait. Chewie growled his approval, turning to leave. Rey stopped him.

  
"We need to move Ben. I won't let them execute him," Rey said, headstrong. Chewie thought for a moment before growling his hesitant agreement. The two grabbed ahold of Ben, who's head lolled to the side. Rey pressed a button, and the machines hooked to Ben followed them as Rey and Chewie carried Ben to a secret room.

  
"Who knows about this room?" Rey asked as they set Ben up on a small cot. Chewie mentioned that maybe General Organa knew about it, besides himself. Rey sighed in relief. So nobody would find Ben here. She pressed a button on the machine, and left the room, leaving the machines to work on Ben.

  
Rey went into the cockpit, Chewie following her. The two flew into Crait.

  
The planet had a battle raging on, with little red streaks growing closer and closer to the laser cannon. Rey saw three TIE fighters aiming towards one speeder, and she rushed down the ladder, aiming the gun at the TIE fighters. She shot them down successfully. She shouted in glee, then Chewie turned the Falcon on its side as the rest of the TIE fighters chased after them.

  
They weaved in and out of the planet. The TIE Fighters slowly ran into the crystalline red stalactites, leaving the Falcon alone. Rey jumped out of her seat and rushed towards the cockpit.

  
Rey glanced at her beacon, beeping steadily. The Falcon landed on the planet, near a rock formation.

  
"We're right on top of them. Where are they?" Rey said to herself. She got out of the Falcon, stepping up to the mountain of rocks. A crystal fox squeezed out of the rocks, jumping to join the rest.

  
"Lifting rocks," Rey breathed to herself. If only Luke Skywalker could see her now. Rey closed her eyes, placing her hand in the air. She concentrated, thinking of an energy binding around the rocks, lifting them in the air. Rey felt the Force flowing through her, flowing through the air around her. She opened her eyes to see the Resistance emerging from the rocks, Finn in the lead. The rocks clattered to the ground beside her as she rushed to embrace her friend. Rey smiled as she hugged Finn, letting her stress go.

  
Rey rushed the Resistance members onto the Falcon, and as the door shut, she could feel the Force signature of Luke Skywalker fading.

  
Luke was dead. Rey stood, solemn for a moment before she walked to the lounge. Rey saw a man in an orange jumpsuit. He introduced himself as Poe Dameron, and Rey smiled at him. But she moved on. She sat next to General Organa, watching Finn hover over his new friend. All she could think about was Ben, laying on a dirty cot, bleeding out as machines struggled to keep him alive.

  
"What do we do now?" Rey asked, and Leia placed her hands over Rey's as she smiled at her.

  
"We keep going," Leia said, and Rey smiled back at her. Rey stared at the remnants of the Resistance, wondering how they would keep going. There had to be a way. But, Rey knew, she had a long road ahead of her. She had to keep Ben a secret while she kept him alive. She had to help the Resistance, help Leia and Finn.

  
Rey was unsure of the weight upon her shoulders. But she was certain she'd be able to handle it. The Resistance was only getting started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I have decided to do what I fear the most: post a chaptered fic. I had tried this before, but I hated it so much I deleted it. Now I have a brand new one, and I like this fic very much! I will try to upload every Monday and Thursday. Please, enjoy! 
> 
> Also, I want to thank my very good friend who helped me with all of the medical know-how. I had no idea about half of the stuff, and she dedicated her time to helping me write the medical stuff. Thank you!


	2. Caretaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the Resistance adjusts to life aboard the Falcon, Rey takes care of a comatose Ben.

Rey rubbed her eyes as she rose from the bunk. She glanced at the ceiling of her bunk, listening to Finn snore. She counted to thirty before stepping out of her cot, careful not to make a sound. She slipped out of the room, scanning the hallway. There were no Resistance members, only boxes filled with supplies. Rey stepped over the supplies, walking on her tiptoes. She stopped in front of a wall, before flipping over a secret panel. Punching in the code, Rey watched as the door slid open. She slipped inside as the door closed behind her.

  
The steady beep of machines filled the room. Ben laid on the cot, unmoving. His skin was white, and dried blood settled on his chin. He was naked, with only a blanket covering his hips to his feet. A small heater buzzed in the room. Rey sat down next to him, careful not to disturb the wires. There was a bandage wrapped around his abdomen and his head, and the blade that had been inside him was sitting on a shelf nearby. Rey reached out her hand to stroke Ben's hair, pushing the matted locks out of his bruised eyes, careful to avoid the slight swelling near the wrap around his head. She noticed the dried blood on his chin and took out a washcloth, wiping it away.

  
Rey laid down next to Ben, curling against his side. His leg twitched, and Rey shot up. Her heart fell when she saw that his eyes were still closed. Rey leaned back as she curled up next to Ben.

  
"Ben," she whispered against his side. He didn't move.

  
She laid there for some time, listening to his breathing. She kept her eyes trained on him, watching the rise and fall of his chest.

  
The bond hadn't opened since Ben was injured, and Rey wasn't sure she wanted it to. After all, she was somewhat positive that they could feel each other's pain. From what she had seen, it had been excruciating. But all Rey wanted was to hear Ben's deep voice again. To see his dark eyes. She wanted him to help her. And maybe a little more.

  
The sound of people shuffling in the hallway brought Rey out of her reverie. She stroked Ben's hair one last time before getting up, listening at the door. The sound of feet slowly faded, and Rey pushed the button. The door slid open, and she rushed out. The door shut behind her, and Rey sighed in relief. She went to the lounge, passing by some Resistance members.

  
Poe Dameron was laughing in a group of pilots, his hands flying around as he recounted a tale. Rey tried to pass by him. But he spotted her, waving her over.

  
"How were the bunks?" Poe asked, and Rey stretched her mouth into a smile. She didn't want to talk to Poe. She wanted to grab food and sit next to Ben, telling him of her day. She wanted Ben to open his eyes and whisper her name. She wanted Ben.

  
"They were okay. Better than the floor," Rey said, and the pilots laughed. Poe just smiled at Rey, his eyes filled with something else. Rey smiled awkwardly and excused herself. Poe turned back to the pilots as Rey walked away.

  
Rey picked out her allotted food, and sat down by herself, picking at her food. Being the last Jedi had its merits, but it was very isolating. She'd had a few members of the Resistance run into her in the hallways and stutter when they see her. She felt very alone.

  
Rey turned to see Finn walk into the lounge, helping his friend Rose sit down.

  
Rey stuffed her food into her mouth, eating as quickly as possible. She liked Rose, and she liked talking to Finn and Rose. But Rey had a different priority in mind. Rey stacked her plate with the rest and rushed out of the lounge. She could feel Poe, Finn, and Rose's eyes on her as she left.

  
Rey rushed to the secret room, punching in the passcode before sneaking in. The door shut behind her, and Rey sat down next to Ben.

  
"Hey Ben," Rey whispered, sitting next to Ben, "How are you? I'm doing great. I got bunk last night, so my back doesn't hurt from sleeping on a cot. We're heading towards the Unknown Regions, hoping to find someone to help. Maybe a base. I think that once we land, I can take the Falcon to find a med-droid for you. Maybe I'll drop you off at a planet. Somewhere where I don't have to constantly worry that the Resistance will find you. Once we have a base, nobody but Chewie and I will be on the Falcon. So maybe you can just stay here. I'll let you stay in the captain's bunk. I've heard it's a really nice bed. It'd certainly be more comfortable than the floor. The machine says that you're not recovering. But you're not dying either. As soon as we find a base, I'll take you to an actual facility. Where they can help you. I tried to go over the Jedi texts today. They're somewhat difficult to understand, but I've been able to read some. I'm trying to find a passage that talks about Force healing. I could help you. I'm so glad you turned to the light. We can learn the Jedi's secrets together." Rey heard thumping and laughter from the other side of the door.

  
"I'll see you later, Ben. If I don't show up they'll get suspicious." Rey stood up and left the room, glancing back one more time at Ben's unconscious form.

 

* * *

 

Rey's days went in a similar fashion. She would wake up, either on the floor in the lounge or in a bunk. She would sneak into Ben's room and stay with him, taking basic care of him, giving him company in this troubling time. Then, she would eat as quickly as possible. She would go back into Ben's room. Then, she would help around the Falcon in any way she could. She'd eat dinner with everybody else, then steal into Ben's room, reading the Jedi texts and trying to decode them. Rey would fall asleep with Ben's pale skin on her mind.

  
She knew that the machines he was hooked up to would keep him alive. They would keep him breathing. But he was still unconscious. He wasn't living. He couldn't help her, help the Resistance. Prove that he really was good. The Resistance would surely let him live if he helped them defeat the First Order.

  
Rey was very isolated in the Resistance. It turns out that when you are hiding the enemy in a supply closet, you don't talk to people very much. Rey barely said a word to her friends, afraid she'll let her secret slip through. So she spent her moment with the man who made her feel like she was not alone. And even though he didn't say a word, his presence somehow comforted her. She felt triumph rush through her when she thought of him and her facing the Praetorian Guards. Ben had defeated his master, turned to the light side.

  
Rey knew that if she had left Ben in the hands of the First Order, he would've struggled with their ideals. After all, he killed his master. Rey didn't regret taking Ben with her. She regretted that she had to hide him, that she couldn't take advantage of the Resistance's resources to help him. She regretted that she had to sneak around, that she isolated her friends in her desperate attempts to keep Ben hidden. But she didn't regret taking him aboard the Falcon. She didn't regret touching his hand. She didn't regret that when she felt extremely lonely, watching Finn and Rose and Poe laugh together, she laid down next to Ben and thought about what she would do when he woke up. She didn't regret that she thought fondly of him.

  
When Rey thought fondly of Ben, she thought of that night. She thought of the fire, of his hand, shaking as it met hers. They touched across light-years. They touched when it should have been impossible. And yet, it happened. And Rey saw his future. Of Ben, standing beside her as they fought together. Of him turning to the light. She was so glad that her vision had come true.

  
Ben stood with her. And that felt better than anything she had ever felt before.

 

* * *

 

Rey slid into the pilot's seat, glancing towards Chewie. He stared into the stars, his expression solemn.

  
Chewie had kept Rey's secret. He hadn't told anyone of their renegade prince, hiding in a supply closet. And for that, Rey will always be grateful.

  
Rey sat there for a moment, contemplating. Chewie had done more for her that she could ever repay. She reached across and took Chewie's paw, squeezing it lightly. He purred, squeezing her paw back before turning to the stars again.

  
Rey got up from her seat and left the cockpit. It was nighttime, so everybody was sleeping. She walked the hallway, glancing around her before darting into Ben's room.

  
The machines beeped steadily as they kept him alive. Rey bent down next to his too-pale face. It was time to take care of him. Rey stripped down to her undershirt and her pants before sitting down next to Ben.

  
Rey reached around Ben and grabbed the bedpan, pouring the liquid into a bag to dispose of later. She placed the bag beside her, replaced the bedpan under him, and stepped over Ben to check the machines. She bent down and scanned up and down his arm, checking to make sure the wires connecting him to the machines were in place. They were.

  
"Your hair is so dirty," Rey said, lightly touching his greasy hair. It must've been that day of the week. Ben didn't reply. She brought out the bucket of clean water. Rey picked up Ben and held his head over the bucket, careful not to make a splash. Last time she had done this, she had spilt water everywhere. She had carved out a comfortable place for Ben's neck to rest with her lightsaber, so the bucket didn't cut into his neck. Rey took a cup and poured it over Ben's forehead, covering his eyes with her hands. Rey put the cup down and squirted shampoo and conditioner into her hands, running her fingers through his hair. She washed his hair, then picked up the cup and rinsed it.

Thankfully, she didn't spill any water. Rey dried Ben's hair with a towel, still surprised after all this time how soft it was. Rey washed Ben with a sponge and body soap, careful around his wound.

  
It was time to check on his stab wound. Rey carefully unwrapped the bandage that covered his wound. It was red, the cut still not healing. Rey recoiled at the smell of iron that enveloped the wound. With a clean towel, she wiped away the small amount of dried blood, very carefully. Ben's hand twitched. Rey winced in sympathy. She reached behind her and brought out the bacta, green and cool. Rey washed her hand in the bucket of water, then squirted the bacta onto her hands. Rey breathed deeply, then smeared the bacta on his wound, watching as the medicine went to work. Ben's entire left hand twitched.

  
"I know, I'm sorry," Rey said, then she rinsed off the bacta in the bucket. She tore open the package for the bandage, and carefully applied it.

  
Rey then repeated the entire process, but to the wound on his forehead.

  
It was done. Her daily routine was done. Rey brushed his soft hair back from his face. She pulled her clothes back on, then took the bucket and the bag of liquid in her arms.

  
"Goodnight Ben," Rey whispered before opening the door. She took one last glance at Ben before the door closed.

  
Rey stepped over sleeping Resistance members as she made her way over to the 'fresher. She dumped the bucket out into the sink, then opened the bag and flushed the contents down the toilet. Rey disposed of the bag, then grabbed the bucket and took it back to a small storage closet near Ben's room, keeping it there.

  
Rey went to her bunk, climbing into the bottom bunk. If she listened carefully, she could hear Finn's snores. Rey stared at the top of the bunk, wishing desperately that Ben would wake up.

  
Rey fell asleep to the thought of Ben and her pouring over the Jedi texts. She dreamt of them saving the Resistance and defeating the First Order together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, right after I posted chapter one, I couldn't wait until I posted chapter two. Those three days were excruciating. Once again, thank you so much to my friend, who wrote me an entire research paper on how to take care of a comatose person. This fic would not exist without her. I hope you enjoy this chapter, as there's another one coming on Monday! Thank you for reading! I'll see you on Monday.


	3. Discovered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance finds a new base. As Rey and Chewie sneak Ben onto the base, their secret is revealed to someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, I'm so horrible at writing action and describing things. I'm really good at dialogue and emotions.

Rey woke up to shuffling of feet. She groaned as she rubbed her eyes. She had stayed up extra late taking care of Ben, so she was tired. She heard a thump, then Finn's voice greeted her.

  
"Rey," Finn whispered, not very quiet, "The Resistance has found a base. Come on!" Rey shot out of bed. The Resistance found a base? Rey jumped into her shoes, following Finn.

  
Poe had gathered everyone in the lounge, and the smile on his face could light up a planet. Rey gathered next to Finn and Rose, who waved at her. Rey waved back, then turned to Poe, eager to hear the news.

  
"As I'm sure you all have heard," Poe started, catching Rey's eye for a moment before glancing at the rest of the Resistance, "we have found a new planet to call home. It's a bit muddy, so watch your step." The Resistance chuckled as Poe smiled. The pilot continued. "We've also heard the news that Kylo Ren has disappeared after Snoke was murdered." Cheers went up around the crowd. Rey's heart hammered in her chest, and she resisted the urge to glance towards the door. Rey's eyes drifted to General Organa.

  
The general's eyes were cast towards the floor, a slight smile on her face. There was a glint in her eyes as if she knew something nobody else did. Rey blinked as General Organa glanced up at her, still with that mysterious twinkle to her eye. Rey gulped, but General Organa's eyes rested on Poe as he continued.

  
"... I expect all of you to do the best you can. We're going to spend the next couple of weeks setting up the base, so be prepared for your backs to hurt. We're landing right now," Poe finished. Rey watched as the Resistance flocked to the windows, glancing down at the green and brown planet below.

  
The planet certainly was muddy. Dense marsh covered the surface, making it tough for the Falcon to land. Rey was surprised when the Falcon jolted on solid ground.

  
"This used to be the fortress of a very paranoid man," a voice crackled beside her, and Rey turned. General Organa smiled at her as she continued, "He built this place to withstand an attack from the Empire. We'll be safe here." Rey smiled anxiously, already trying to formulate a plan. How was she going to transport Ben to the base? She'd have to find a secret place for him to stay, big enough that she could fit the medical supplies in, but small enough that he wouldn't be found. As the Resistance rushed around her, grabbing supplies out of the Falcon and transporting it to the base, Rey rushed to the cockpit.

  
Chewie rumbled a greeting as Rey shut the door behind her. He turned around in his seat, already sensing Rey's anxiety.

  
"How are we going to get him to a secure location?" Rey asked, and Chewie growled out his plan. They would carry him in the bottom level of a cart, draping a blanket over him so nobody would spot him. If anybody asked, they'd say it was medical supplies.

  
"I think he's too tall for that," Rey replied, and Chewie purred his doubt. Rey sat down as she pondered for a moment.

  
The best time to transport Ben would be at night when everyone was sleeping. Rey wondered if she would get her own room. If that was the case, she'd stick Ben in there, hiding him in the corner of a room. She could keep an eye on him in there while also making sure he would be safe. The only question was how do they transport him without alerting the Resistance?

 

* * *

 

 The planet's night sky was beautiful. The tall trees of the marsh blanketed most of the sky, but you could still see the mixture of purple and blue from the planet's atmosphere.

  
But Rey wasn't observing the sky. She was hoisting Ben onto a cart, covering his body with a blanket. His feet hung off the end of the cart, and he was heavy to push. In the bottom half of the cart sat Ben's medical supplies. Rey could only hope that nobody would encounter them.

  
Chewie went first, making sure that there was nobody ahead. Rey rolled Ben down the ramp to the entrance of the base, her heart racing. As they turned a corner, the cart squeaked, causing the two to stop in their tracks.

  
Rey breathed as quietly as she could while counting to thirty. When nobody came to get them, she breathed a sigh of relief. Rey motioned to Chewie, and they turned the corner, pushing the cart as fast as they could without making noise.

  
As Rey pushed Ben down the bright corridors, she tried to sense the others in the Force. Tried to sense whether there were guards nearby, whether someone was walking her way. But she couldn't concentrate, too busy anxiously glancing around.

  
Chewie held up one paw, and Rey froze as he scanned around another corner. He put his paw down, and Rey grunted as she pushed Ben forward. He really was heavy. The blanket shifted, and Rey peeked underneath. She could see the rise and fall of his chest through his tunic. Ben was still unconscious. Rey sighed, glancing up just in time to stop the cart from ramming into Chewie.

  
Chewie held the cart as he put a paw up. Rey listened carefully, and her heart sped up as she heard footsteps. They grew closer and closer, and Rey was certain they would get caught. Ben would be executed. Rey probably would be too, for consorting with the enemy. Maybe even Chewie.

  
"I know it's you, Rey," a voice said, and Rey placed one hand on her lightsaber, recognising the voice. Chewie walked into the light, paws up. Rey did the same, hoping to block the cart with her body.

  
"General Organa," Rey said, and the general smiled, that twinkle still in her eye, "I can explain."

  
"I'm sure you can explain. What is it you want to explain?" General Organa asked, and Rey and Chewie started to talk at the same time.

  
"You see, we were transporting medical supplies-" Rey started, but General Organa raised her hand, stopping Chewie and Rey's stumbling replies.

  
"I thought you would want to explain why you have _my son_ on a cart in the middle of the night," General Organa said, and Rey's heart went into overdrive. This was it. This was the end.

  
"Please, General Organa, let me take him to my room. I'll explain everything then," Rey said, letting go of her lightsaber. General Organa's expression was unreadable.

  
"To your room, then," General Organa said, and Rey breathed a sigh of relief. She had bought them some time.

 

* * *

 

 "Wow," General Organa said, leaning back in her chair. The steady beeping of Ben's machines filled Rey's room.

  
"It's quite a story," Rey agreed. General Organa glanced again at Ben before leaning forward, meeting Rey's eyes.

  
"You and my son... have a Force bond?" General Organa asked. Rey nodded.

  
"Please, forgive me. I didn't want to hide him. But I thought he would die if I didn't-" Rey started, but General Organa interrupted her.

  
"Rey. I've known he's been here the entire time." Rey felt shocked. General Organa knew he was here?

  
"But... how?" Rey blurted out. General Organa chuckled to herself.

  
"Luke wasn't the only Skywalker to have the Force. I do as well. It may not as well refined as his, but I can sense my son's presence. I knew he was here the moment I came onboard. I wanted to ask, but you weren't giving up the information. When we came to the base, I thought it was time I got some answers." Rey barked out a laugh. Someone else knew her secret. The load on her shoulders was slightly lighter.

  
"You didn't tell anyone?" Rey asked. General Organa shook her head.

  
"Nobody. I didn't know why you had brought him aboard. And his Force signature was weak. I didn't quite know where you were hiding him until I passed by the hallway." General Organa glanced once again towards her son. Rey hadn't entirely set him up yet; she had just laid him down in her bed, still wearing his tunic and pants, and set up the machines.

  
"I'm sorry you have to see him this way," Rey said solemnly. General Organa's eyes darkened for a moment, but then she put on a smile as she reached over to squeeze Rey's hand.

  
"From what I've heard, you and Chewie are the reason he's alive. And I am grateful," General Organa squeezed Rey's hand again, and a slight smile spread on Rey's face.

  
"And with his help, we can defeat the First Order. With two Jedi, two light side users, they'll never stand a chance," Rey said, her smile bright. General Organa's smile faded a bit, but she didn't say anything else.

  
"Thank you, General Organa," Rey said.

"Please, call me Leia," she replied.

 

* * *

 

 Rey walked over to Ben, glancing at his unconscious form. She sat down next to him, scanning his body.

  
"Ben," Rey whispered, brushing her fingers over his. Rey knew that Ben could help turn the tide for the war. It was such a relief to know that Leia knew about him.

  
Rey felt Ben's fingers grasp onto hers. Her heart sped up. He was touching her. He was touching her. His hand was holding hers.

  
"Ben," Rey breathed, unable to believe it. His fingers twitched when she said his name. "Ben, can you hear me?" His hand grasped harder, barely touching hers. Tears fell down Rey's face as she held Ben's hand.

  
He could hear her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that ending huh? Ben is waking up! I'd like to thank my friend, my vat of medical knowledge once again. This fic wouldn't be possible without her. I'd also like to thank my sister, who still reads this even though she doesn't ship Reylo. Thanks for making sure Rey isn't too thirsty.
> 
> Once again, thank you for reading this chapter. I know that this one is short, and the next one is too, but after that, they start to get pretty long. Can't wait to see you on Thursday!


	4. Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is sent on a mission with Finn and Rose. Something miraculous happens.

Rey groaned as she woke up. Her back throbbed in pain as she stood. So the pillows and blankets on the floor didn't work. She had to find a different place to sleep.

  
After Leia had left last night, Rey had set Ben up, changing him out of his tunic and pants, and resting the blanket on his legs and hips. She had set up the bedpan and reset the wires connecting him to the machines. Rey stared at the blanket covering Ben, remembering how she gave him the softest blanket of the bunch.

  
"Maybe I should steal your blanket. It looks softer than any of mine," Rey said. Ben didn't reply. He never did. Until last night, when he had grasped her hands.

  
Rey shut and locked the door behind her after getting ready. Her lightsaber bounced against her side as she walked towards the mess hall. Unluckily, she ran straight into Poe.

  
"Rey!" Poe breathed out. Rey stopped and waited for him to catch his breath. He leaned against the wall for a moment before standing again.

  
"We have a mission for you. I need you to get supplies with Finn and Rose. I have reason to believe they may need a Jedi on the trip," Poe said, crossing his arms. Rey felt her heart hammering. Mission? What if they found Ben? Who would change his bedpan and wash his hair and check his wound?

  
"Of course, Poe," Rey found herself responding, her mouth moving without her command. Poe clapped her lightly on the shoulder, his smile wide.

  
"Thanks, Rey. We have a transport for you. The three of you leave on the hour," Poe said, then he started walking towards the mess hall, whistling a tune. Rey felt the blood rushing against her ears. Who could take care of Ben while she was gone? Not Chewie, he had left on a mission with the Falcon after the events of last night. Only one other person knew of Ben's presence in the base.

  
Rey rushed towards Leia's room, almost sliding past it in her haste to get there. She knocked three times, then waited, rolling on the balls of her feet.

  
Leia opened the door, ushering Rey inside. Rey walked in as Leia shut the door, turning to her.

  
"What is it?" Leia asked, a hint of concern in her voice. Rey felt her heart beating wildly in her chest. Panic was spreading through her.

  
"I have to go away on a mission. Please take care of Ben for me," Rey asked, the panic spreading to her voice. Leia walked over and embraced the younger woman, sensing her distress.

  
"Of course. Nobody will find him, I promise," Leia said, wrapping her arms around Rey.

  
"Thank you," Rey replied, ending the embrace, "You have to make sure you clean his wound. And... uh... change his bedpan and wash him." Leia chuckled to herself, stopping Rey from listing more.

  
"I've known him since he was a baby. He'll be safe in my hands," Leia said. "Stay safe, Rey."

  
"I will," Rey said, already feeling more confident.

 

* * *

 

 As the shuttle took off, Rey glanced back at the base. It was growing smaller by the second. She turned back to her two friends.

  
Rose was piloting the ship, her hands steady on the controls. She had recovered well from her wounds, and she looked excited to be on a mission again. Finn, as always, glanced around worryingly.

  
"Here we go," Rose said, pushing the lever on the console. Rey watched as the planet below turned into blue streaks of light. Rose clapped her hands together and turned her seat so she faced Rey.

  
"How have you been? I know we don't talk much, but I wanted to catch up," Rose said. Rey gave Rose a smile. It was true they didn't talk much. In fact, Rey knew she had said a total of five words to Rose. They didn't talk at all. Finn turned in his seat as well, smiling at Rose and Rey.

  
"I've been good. I heard you were injured. Glad to see you on your feet," Rey said. Rose smiled, reaching over to pat Rey's thigh, then turned towards Finn. Rey glanced outside the cockpit, watching the blue streaks of light. Rey caught a bit of their conversation.

  
"...Kylo Ren," Finn finished. Rey turned to Finn.

  
"What?" Rey asked, her heart beating quicker. Finn and Rose turned their chairs to Rey.

  
"Finn was talking about seeing Kylo Ren in the forests of Starkiller Base. He's been gone ever since then, right?" Rose asked. Rey's heart calmed. They didn't know. Finn nodded.

  
"Rey's seen him too. He captured her and tortured her, like Poe," Finn said. Rey thought back to the interrogation room. How Ben had tried to probe her mind, but she ended up entering his instead.

  
_"That's what happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask." The shock coursing through her when he unmasked, showing her vulnerable eyes in a handsome face._

  
_"You're so lonely... so afraid to leave." His hand, hovering inches from her face. The deep, unsettling feeling of a mind in hers. Fighting back, and his confusion at the barrier in her mind._

  
_"You're afraid you'll never be as strong as Darth Vader!" His hand pulling back, his breath coming in heavy gasps as he's rattled by her words._

  
"He did," Rey said, her voice monotone. Rose gasped, leaning forward in her seat.

  
"You're really brave," Rose said, and Rey smiled at her.

  
"I haven't seen Kylo Ren since," Finn said. Rey doesn't meet his eyes. She has. She's seen Kylo Ren.

  
_"You're not alone."_

  
_"Neither are you."_

  
"When are we getting there?" Rey asked, standing up. Rose and Finn both stared at her.

  
"Within the hour," Finn said. Rey nodded, then looked outside the cockpit again. Her thoughts turned to the throne room. How powerful she had felt. How good it felt to fight alongside Ben.

  
Until she had turned at his anguished cry. Until she saw the Praetorian Guard's weapon embedded in his lower stomach. Until he had collapsed to the floor, close to death.

  
"We're here," Finn said as they descended on the planet. Rey didn't remember the name of the planet, only that it was a known hideout of many smugglers. They were to meet in a secluded location and give a smuggler credits for supplies.

  
The shuttle landed, and Rey covered her face with the bandana wrapped over her mouth and nose. It was difficult to breathe, but she managed. Rose pulled goggles over her eyes, and Finn pulled a cloak around his shoulders.

  
"Follow me," Finn said through hooded eyes. Rey followed Finn and Rose through crowded streets, weaving in and out of people. Rey glanced around with a mixture of apprehension and wonder. She'd never seen these many people in her whole life.

  
Rose grabbed Rey's sleeve and pulled her along, and Rey almost tripped. She shot a glance at Rose but then saw that she had been falling behind.

  
Finn entered a small bar, and Rose and Rey followed. Rey could feel the tension in the air, not needing the Force to read the room. She sat in the booth with Rose, watching as Finn sat at the bar, leaning against the flat surface. He seemed at ease, easy-going. It was the perfect facade.

  
As Rey scanned the room, she felt a surge in the Force. A surge that she only felt when the Force bond was going to open. On cue, the sound of the room quieted, and Rey was left with the amplified, rhythmic breathing of a comatose man.

  
"Ben," Rey breathed, watching as Ben appeared in front of her. He looked the same way that she left him, with white skin and eyes closed.

  
Rose waved a hand in front of Rey, and the latter tore her gaze away from Ben. Rey saw Rose's lips move, but her words were muffled. What was she saying? Rey didn't know.

  
Finn approached the two and spoke to both of them. But Rey couldn't hear them. She glanced back at Ben, laying on the bed, his breathing even. Suddenly, she saw the bandage on his abdomen rip off. Bacta was smeared across the wound, and Rey pulled her gaze away.

  
"It's too loud in here," Rey said quietly. Rose and Finn nodded, and he motioned for Rey to follow him. They left the bar, ducking behind it. There were the supplies they needed. Disguised in boxes similar to what Rey saw locals carrying. The bond fizzled away as sound returned to her.

  
"...two of the boxes. Rose can take the rest. Rey, you keep an eye on everyone. Maybe use the Force to sense if there's any danger," Finn was saying. Rey nodded, and Rose and Finn picked up all four boxes together. Rey breathed out, concentrating in the Force. She started to sense the intentions of those around her, picking out the safest path. Rey led the charge, Rose and Finn following them back to the shuttle. They placed the boxes down in storage, going back out onto the ramp, sighing.

  
"That was the easiest mission I've ever done," Rose said. The shuttle jerked as blaster fire hit it.

  
"Don't reveal your secret!" Finn shouted as he ducked for cover. Rose pulled out a blaster and fired two shots into the newly discovered Stormtroopers. Two Stormtroopers fell down. Rey unhooked the blaster Han Solo had given her and fired at the Stormtroopers.

  
"Rey, fire up the shuttle!" Finn said as he fired at the Stormtroopers. Rey rushed into the shuttle, firing up the takeoff sequence. She heard the ramp shut and two heavy footsteps rumbling into the ship.

  
Their shuttle shot up into space, and Rey hit the lever, pulling them into lightspeed.

  
"That was close," Finn said, and the three of them laughed.

  
"Maybe next time we don't run into any Stormtroopers," Rose replied, and Rey smiled. The three of them stood up and hugged each other out of relief.

  
Maybe, Rey thought, she should stop isolating herself. Finn and Rose were good friends, and she shouldn't have to give that up out of fear. She trusted Leia and Chewie to keep Ben safe. Rey didn't have to devote her life to keeping Ben secret. She could enjoy her life too.

  
"We would've escaped better had I used my lightsaber," Rey added, and Rose nodded. The two women glared at Finn in jest, and he put his hands up.

  
"They probably thought we were smugglers. Didn't want to reveal that we were Resistance," Finn replied. Rose took Finn's hand, and Rey grinned.

  
"Weird that they were on a smuggling planet. I thought the First Order didn't care about the planets near the Unknown Regions," Rose said. The three of them pondered for a moment.

  
"Well, we escaped, and that's all that matters," Rey replied, and the three of them smiled at each other.

  
"I'd raise a glass, but we need the water for the Resistance," Finn said, and the three of them laughed.

 

* * *

 

 Rey rushed to her room, sitting on the bed. Ben laid there, silent as always. She grasped his hand again, and his fingers twitched. Rey smiled a bright wide smile that could light up the darkest of planets.

  
"I went on a mission today, Ben," Rey said, and Ben's index finger moved slightly. The bruising around Ben's eyes had gone down. That was a good thing. It meant he was recovering, slowly but surely.

  
"We escaped, safely. It was quite funny actually. The bond opened when I left the planet. I didn't think it could do that when you were still... recovering. And yet, it did." Rey glanced away from him, still feeling the spasms in his fingers.

  
Rey heard a mumble in the room, and her heart rate jacked up. That wasn't her. Her eyes zeroed in on Ben, and she heard the noise again. Was that him?

  
Rey lightly placed her fingers on his throat, trying to feel whether it was him.

  
"Can you do that again?" Rey asked, and the skin underneath Rey's fingers vibrated as she heard the noise again. Rey barked out a laugh, and she turned to Ben.

  
His dark brown eyes stared at her, slightly glazed from sleep. Rey felt her stomach rise. He was staring at her. He was awake. He was awake.

  
"Ben!" Rey said. He blinked his eyes as he gazed into hers. Rey started to laugh, purely out of relief. He was recovering. He could see her. His fingers tightened their hold on him. Rey started to stand, and Ben's eyes followed her movements. She sat down, and his eyes tracked her. He could see her!

  
Ben's eyes started to droop, and Rey could see that he was tired. She let go of his hand, smiling.

  
"Goodnight, Ben," Rey said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Thursday! Another chapter! This chapter, when I originally wrote it, was going to be a filler chapter. It ended up being longer than I thought it would. Thank you once again to my vat of medical knowledge. If she hadn't written that research paper for me, Ben would've been walking and talking by chapter five! (Spoiler alert, he isn't). Thank you all for reading, and I'll see you again on Monday!
> 
> Fun fact, for the parts from the interrogation scene, I looked up the TFA script to see what they were supposed to be feeling. I haven't bought TFA, so I can't go back and watch the scene. The script helped a lot.


	5. Infected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey takes care of Ben as he slowly starts to wake up. One of our characters grows closer to death.

Rey woke up, feeling overly warm. She murmured to herself, turning onto her side. That's when she encountered a barrier of warmth and solid mass, blocking her from moving any more. Rey opened her eyes to see pale skin centimetres from her face. Then she remembered last night.

  
Ben had opened his eyes. Rey had given up sleeping on the floor, so she had taken her blankets and pillows and laid on the opposite side of the bed, staying as far away from Ben as possible. It turned out that in her sleep she had gone as close to him as possible.

  
Rey shot up, embarrassed. Ben's wide eyes followed her movements as she sat up in the bed. Rey's embarrassment evolved to mortification. He was awake. Rey scooted away from Ben, careful not to disturb the mass of wires on the other side of the bed.

  
"Sorry," Rey said. Ben mumbled unintelligible words, and Rey smiled. Then she remembered that in her excitement last night, she didn't do her daily tasks.

  
"I have to change your bandages. Luckily, I washed you two days ago, so you should be good," Rey said. She felt heat rise in her cheeks. It was so much easier taking care of him when he was asleep. At least then he couldn't stare at her while she changed his bedpan, while she changed his bandages. Ben's gaze moved to the ceiling, and Rey took that as permission.

  
She reached underneath him and changed his bedpan. Ben's eyes went wide, and his hand shook. Rey refused to meet his eyes. She put the bedpan back and stood up.

  
"I have to wash my hands. I'll be back," Rey said before she went to the 'fresher, washing her hands. She came back to Ben, struggling and trying to lift his head. Rey cupped his cheek as she pushed his shoulder down.

  
"Stop. You'll hurt yourself," Rey said, and Ben stopped struggling. Rey grabbed the medical supplies from the nightstand and sat next to him.

  
"This is going to hurt. I'm sorry," Rey said. Ben mumbled again, and Rey carefully peeled off the bandage. Ben's mumbles turned sour as he gasped in pain, unable to make more sound. Rey frowned in sympathy as she inspected the wound. It hadn't changed from when she first saw it. She cleaned the wound with a washcloth and soap. Ben's eyes closed as he panted, his face contorting in pain. Rey applied the bacta and replaced the bandage. Ben's whole body relaxed.

  
"We don't have any painkillers. I'm sorry. We're running low on that," Rey said. Ben moved his eyes up and down, and Rey smiled at the improvised nod.

  
"I need to clean your head wound. It looks like it's healing." Rey unwrapped the bandage from his head and inspected the wound. It was healing, the bruising around Ben's eye almost gone. He no longer bled, and Rey smiled. She cleaned and applied bacta to the wound, then rewrapped it. Ben watched her every move.

  
"All done," Rey said, slapping her hands together. Ben stared as she got up. His hand shook as he tried to reach for her.

  
"I have to go. Don't worry, I'll be back later. Don't make a sound," Rey said. She hesitated for a second, wondering if she should do any more. Instead, she fixed his blankets and left the room, locking it as she went.

 

* * *

 

 Rey saw Chewie and Leia talking amongst themselves. So Chewie was back from his mission. Rey walked over, watching as Leia's smile brightened. Rey hugged Leia.

  
"He's awake. You can go to my room," Rey whispered in Leia's ear. Leia gripped Rey's shoulders in shock as she pulled away. Rey nodded, and Leia excused herself, walking as quickly as she could out of the command centre. Rey smiled. Chewie glanced once at Rey, enveloping her in a quick hug before following Leia.

  
Rey watched them go, then made her way to the mess hall. It was packed with various members of the Resistance. So the Resistance's campaign for new members was going well.

  
Rey spotted Finn and Rose sitting together, and she walked over to them.

  
"Hey, Finn. Hi Rose," Rey said, and Rose mumbled a greeting around her food. Finn patted the table, and Rey sat across from him and Rose.

  
"How've you guys been?" Rey asked, and Rose swallowed her food.

  
"Good. There's not a lot to do. They keep asking Finn for information on the First Order. Also, apparently Hux has put out a bounty on Kylo Ren, alive," Rose said. Rey had to hide her surprise.

  
"So he really is missing," Rey said, trying to sound as neutral as possible. Rose nodded.

  
"Thank the Maker. I'd be glad to see that monster dead," Finn growled out as he stabbed his potatoes with a fork. Rose nodded in agreement. Rey's smile dropped. Luckily, the awkward silence was saved by Poe, who slammed down his tray of food next to Rey.

  
"Hey guys," Poe said as he stuffed food into his mouth. Rose recoiled in disgust.

  
"Seriously, Poe, slow down. You're disgusting," Rose said, but there was no ill intent behind her words. Rey made a noise of agreement, and the two of them laughed. Poe made a sour face as he swallowed.

  
"I get it. You don't want to sit with such a high-ranking officer. I'll move," Poe said, his tone light.

  
"Go sit with all the other pompous officers, Poe," Rey added, and there was a pause before all four of them laughed. Rey smiled as they finished their food in comfortable silence.

 

* * *

 

 Rey mumbled as she shifted on the bed. She opened her eyes to darkness. It was too hot in her room; this was the second time she had woken up. Luckily, Ben had been asleep when she had crawled underneath the covers. She breathed in, and almost coughed at the foul smell permeating the room.

  
Her hand felt like it was on fire. As Rey woke up, she realised that her hand was resting on Ben's chest. She shot up, embarrassed once again. But it seemed that she didn't need to be.

  
Ben's wound was leaking blood, slipping down his sweaty skin and onto the bed. Rey stripped his bandage to get a better look at the wound. He was slightly shaking, and yet his skin was hot to the touch. The skin around his stab wound was yellow, and as Rey looked carefully she thought she saw white pus oozing from the wound. Rey's heart beat loudly in her chest as she started to panic.

  
"Ben?" Rey said aloud, but he only moaned in reply. Rey pulled her hand away, slick from Ben's sweat.

  
His condition had gotten worse.

  
"Hold on, I'm going to take care of you," Rey said, and Ben's eyes opened. They were glassy from the fever. He stared at her, his chest rising and falling quickly. Rey rushed out of bed, flicking the light on. She rushed to the 'fresher and filled up the bathtub with cold water. She had to bring down his fever. Rey heard Ben's mumbled moans from the other room.

  
She rushed back, stripping Ben of all of his blankets. His eyes widened in panic as he was left bare. But Rey was too busy keeping him alive to sense his discomfort. As her eyes flickered from the bathtub to him, Rey put pressure on his wound. She saw that the bathtub was nearing full, and she shut off the faucet. Rey placed her arms underneath his knees and his neck. Rey groaned as she picked Ben up. He was heavy, and she almost stumbled. But she steadied herself. Ben groaned as his wound was compressed from the bridal carry. Rey gingerly carried Ben over to the bathtub, and she carefully lowered him in.

  
Ben hissed as the cold water made contact with his body. Rey took a cup and covered Ben's eyes as she poured water down his head. He closed his eyes as water cascaded down his skin. Rey put her hand on his forehead. It was still burning hot. And the bleeding still hadn't stopped.

  
What was she going to? Rey started to panic. She had to get rid of the infection. Otherwise, he truly was going to die. And she would never forgive herself.

  
Rey stepped away, propping Ben on the side of the tub. He opened his eyes from the movement, watching her. She pulled over her tunic, and his eyes grew wide. Rey stripped down to her undergarments and stepped into the tub with Ben. Her clothes became soaked as she held Ben up. Rey scooped up more freezing water and poured it down Ben's head. He shivered from the contact. Ben's expression was so vulnerable. It was more vulnerable than she had ever seen him before. He groaned again, then his arm twitched. Rey reached down and grabbed his hand, holding it to her chest as she kept him up. She rested his hand on her shoulders as she placed pressure on his wound. He hissed in pain, gritting his teeth.

  
They sat there for a long while. Rey occasionally felt Ben's forehead. After what seemed like forever, Ben's skin no longer felt like it was on fire. He had closed his eyes some time ago, letting the water wash over him in waves. Rey glanced at his wound. It had finally stopped bleeding, but the yellow surrounding it was still prominent. Rey waved her hand over Ben's face, but he didn't respond. Maybe he was asleep. Rey grabbed the soap and lightly touched the tip to the wound. Ben's face contorted, but he didn't make a sound. So Rey gingerly rubbed soap on the wound. Ben's eyes shot open as he gasped, his hands gripping. Rey felt pressure against her shoulder as Ben's fingers dug into the skin.

  
"I'm sorry," Rey said as she cleaned his wound. He stared at her, tears in his eyes. Rey knew that Ben couldn't move very much, and this was the most he could do. Rey finished cleaning his wound, and she pulled the plug on the bathtub.

  
"Let's get you out of here," Rey said, and Ben mumbled back. Rey stepped out of the bathtub, patting her clothes so they weren't dripping anymore. She waited until the bathtub had drained, the grabbed a separate towel and patted Ben dry, careful around his wound. He hissed when she lightly touched it, and he looked away as she finished patting him dry. Rey put the towel away, then picked Ben up. She grunted as she lifted him up, then she carried him to the bed. She placed him down very gently, then covered below his waist with a blanket. He sighed, seemingly grateful for the cover. Rey glanced at his wound, clean of pus and the weird odour, and she sighed. The soft sounds of Ben's breathing filled the room. And Rey was reminded that it was still nighttime.

  
Rey turned off the light and changed into dry clothes. She slipped under the covers, facing Ben. The pale light cast a shadow on him.

  
Would he be okay? Rey didn't know. She could only try her best to save Ben. After all, Rey reminded herself, she needed him to fight the First Order. She needed another light side Force-user.

  
A voice whispered in Rey's head that she wanted Ben for a different reason. But she ignored it. It reminded her that he turned to the light side, that it was okay to care for him.

  
But Rey had more important things to think about.

 

* * *

 

 The next few days were horrible for Rey. No matter what, she would wake up to Ben's high fever. She would douse him in the bathtub, bringing it down. He would teeter between unconsciousness and rare moments where he was awake. Rey was pretty certain that sometimes when he woke up he didn't remember anything. Rey refused to leave his side. And Leia Organa noticed.

  
Rey heard a knock at her door. She rushed to the door, trying to block Ben with her body. She opened the door, leaning against it, trying to look as nonchalant as possible.

  
But it was only Leia. Rey relaxed and ushered her in. Leia took one look at Ben and sensed the problem. She rushed over to his bedside immediately.

  
It was a rare moment. Ben was conscious and active. His eyes widened at the sight of his mother.

  
"Mmm," Ben murmured, his hand twitching. Leia took his hand, turning to Rey.

  
"What's wrong with him?" Leia asked. Rey sat down next to her.

  
"His wound is infected. No matter what I do, it doesn't heal," Rey said, despondent. Ben was strong, but he couldn't last much longer. It was a miracle that he was still alive. It would take another miracle for him to recover from this.

  
"Have you tried to heal him through the Force?" Leia asked, and Rey did a double-take. Heal him through the Force? She had been studying the Jedi texts; she knew how to heal through the Force. But she hadn't even thought of it as a possibility.

  
Ben breathed heavily as blood seeped through his bandage. His skin was suddenly slick with sweat. Rey's resolve faded. She couldn't do anything. He was going to die.

  
"I can try," Rey said, willing to try anything to heal Ben. Rey tore off the bandage covering his wound, and she wrinkled her nose as the foul smell entered the air. Rey hovered her hand over his wound, thinking of the Force driving out the infection. She imagined the Force as a cleanser, washing over the infection and wiping it clean.

  
Rey felt the Force weaving between her hand and Ben's skin. She breathed deeply as she let the Force do its work. Rey opened her eyes to see the infection gone. Ben sighed in relief, the cloudy look missing from his eyes. Rey barked out a laugh, and she turned to Leia, wrapping her in an embrace. The older woman was surprised before she embraced Rey as well.

  
"Thank you. I was starting to lose hope," Rey said.

  
"Never lose hope," Leia replied. Rey smiled.

 

* * *

 

Alarms blared in Rey's eardrums as she was cruelly awakened. There was a slight tapping on her hips, and Rey grumbled as she shifted. The tapping grew more and more insistent, and Rey finally pulled her eyes open to see Ben's fingers tapping against her hips. The tapping was rapid as if he was trying to wake her up. He had progressed a lot since his infection, but he still had trouble forming large words.

"What is it?" Rey snapped, turning to Ben. His eyes were wide in fear.

  
"Attack," Ben said, and Rey shot up in alarm.

  
Attack. The First Order had found them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that cliffhanger, right! I was playing on my computer when I suddenly remembered, "It's Monday!" Another chapter awaits. I'm actually struggling with writing Chapter Eleven right now, but do not fear! Once again, thank you to my vat of medical knowledge. Without her, I would've never figured out how infected wounds work. I wanted Ben to grow as close to death as he was during the first chapter, which might impede his recovery. Luckily, you'll soon see him on his feet. 
> 
> I want to also thank my sister, who has been begging to be in the endnotes ever since I first uploaded this. Sometimes my sister indulges me. Though her true happiness from this story comes from Chewie.
> 
> Thank you for reading! I'll see you on Thursday!
> 
> EDIT - Chapter Six may come later during Thursday instead of when I usually upload. I'll be out of the house until the late afternoon, so I won't be able to update. But I'll try as hard as I can to update on Thursday. That being said, I look forward to uploading tomorrow!


	6. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the First Order attacks, Rey and Ben must escape the base before it is too late.

The hallways of the base were bathed in red light. The Resistance rushed around her, and she peeked around the corner. Rey turned back to her room.

  
Ben was being held up by Rey, leaning against the wall. He breathed heavily, gritting his teeth. Sirens deafened Rey.

  
"Ready?" Rey asked. Ben nodded. Rey wrapped her arm around Ben, clutching his tunic as he gripped on her opposite shoulder. He hissed in pain as they stumbled into the hallway, his feet somewhat obeying him. Ben clutched at his wound as they hobbled towards the hanger.

  
Nobody gave them any attention as they went, all too occupied with their own personal tasks. Rey could barely see through this red light.

  
"Again," Ben said, gritting his teeth. Rey hoisted him off the wall, and they stumbled down the hallway. Rey's heart skipped a beat when she saw Poe, rushing down their hallway. She slammed Ben against the wall, facing him. He groaned, drowned out by the sirens. Rey leaned her forehead against the wall, glancing towards Poe. Ben ducked his head, letting his hair cover his face. Poe rushed past them, and Rey wrapped her arm around Ben again as she pulled him off the wall.

  
"Bleeding," Ben whispered in her ear, and Rey nodded. The two stumbled down the hallway, passing by Resistance members. Rey heard blaster fire. She cursed underneath her breath, glancing behind her. There were Stormtroopers, ploughing down any Resistance members in their path. Rey pushed Ben forward as they ducked into another hallway.

  
Ben groaned as Rey pushed Ben against a wall, the doorway giving them a bit of cover from the Stormtroopers. She pressed her back against Ben's chest, trying to keep him upward without using her hands. Rey unclipped the blaster Han Solo had given her, holding it as she peeked around the corner. Ben leaned against her back, unable to support himself still.

  
Stormtroopers rushed past them, chasing after the Resistance. The white amour soon faded from view. Rey knew it was safe to go on. Rey clipped her blaster back to her belt as she turned to see Ben leaning against the wall, his head tilted back as he breathed heavily. He was gripping his wound, and Rey could see blood seeping from it. But they had no time. She wrapped her arm around him, and he took a deep breath as they continue their rush to the Falcon.

  
Their trek was rushed and fast. Rey could barely see through the red lights and the smoke. But they kept going. They didn't encounter any more Stormtroopers, and soon they were at the hanger.

  
Resistance pilots rushed into their X-Wings. The hanger was crowded, people running into shuttles. Rey panicked. How was she going to get Ben to the Falcon?

  
Rey observed the hanger, watching as people rushed from place to place. She saw a few places she could hide in, a few places where Ben could duck down if someone asked for them.

  
"Keep your head low," Rey said, and Ben murmured to himself. This was too straining for him right now, not after he had just recovered from the infection. Rey glanced down to see blood seeping through his tunic. Ben blinked rapidly as he hung his head low. Rey prayed to the Force that the chaos of the hanger would disguise Ben.

  
Rey rushed forward, dragging Ben. He bumped into a pilot as they went. They made it two steps before a voice shouted at Rey.

  
"Rey!" Finn shouted, and Rey pushed Ben down behind a crate of supplies. Ben grunted as he sat down. Rey stepped in front of the crate.

  
"Hey, Finn. I'm a bit busy right now," Rey said, and Finn raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything else. The sirens rang in their ears.

  
"Stay safe, Rey," Finn said, clapping Rey on the shoulder. "We'll meet you at the rendezvous." Rey couldn't help but smile. Finn really was a good friend.

  
"You too, Finn," Rey replied, and Finn gave her a bright smile before running off. Rey sighed in relief, before turning to Ben.

  
He looked horrible. His skin was pale, and he was sweating as he clutched his bleeding wound. His head was leaning on the crate as he breathed heavily.

  
"We have to go," Rey said, and Ben nodded. Rey wrapped her arm around him as he did the same.

  
"Three, two, one," Rey said, and she lifted Ben. He groaned. The two of them stumbled towards the Falcon. Rey pulled Ben up the ramp, slamming her hand on the button to raise the ramp.

  
"Chewie? Are you here?" Rey shouted. She heard a growl of acknowledgement, and Rey smiled.

  
"Take off!" Rey yelled, and soon the Falcon hummed while the takeoff sequence was initiated. Rey dragged Ben to the medbay. He was unable to carry himself any more. Rey pulled him onto the bed, and he sighed as he finally relaxed. Rey pulled Ben into a sitting position, and his eyes widened from the sudden movement.

  
"I need to check your wound," Rey said, and Ben closed his eyes, nodding slightly. Rey unclasped his tunic and pulled it over his head. She pulled his undershirt off, and he was left with only his pants on. Rey leaned him back, and he collapsed against the pillow, groaning.

  
The wound was certainly bleeding, but there was no sign of infection. Rey thought that the activity had aggravated the wound again.

  
Ben suddenly started to lift his head up, his eyes wide. Rey helped him sit up, and he leaned over the bed, searching for something.

  
"What is it?" Rey asked, but Ben didn't reply. He held his head up as he vomited off the side of the bed. Rey stepped away, and Ben coughed. He leaned back onto the pillow, sighing.

  
Rey had a lot of work to do.

 

* * *

 

 Rey fell into the pilot's seat, finally relaxing. Ben was hooked up to the machines and resting in the medbay, asleep. Chewie purred softly as she turned towards him.

  
"Did everyone get out okay?" Rey asked. Chewie said that the evacuation was a success and that they were all supposed to meet at the rendezvous in three weeks. Rey nodded, leaning back in her seat.

  
"So we have three weeks until we can get there," Rey said. Chewie purred in agreement. Rey glanced back towards the medbay, hearing Ben groan in his sleep.

  
"That's a long time," Rey said. Chewie nodded. Rey rubbed her hands together before standing up, walking back towards the medbay. She sat next to the bed, watching as Ben slept.

  
Rey had three weeks. Three weeks with Ben. Three weeks to learn more of the Jedi, to train. Three weeks. Rey had three weeks alone with Ben. What would she do?

  
She would train. When Ben got better, she would train with him. She would sharpen her skills with a lightsaber. She would listen to his teachings, about the Jedi and the light side. Rey was certain Ben would teach her, just like he had told her once in the forests of Starkiller base. But this time, Ben would not teach her the dark side. He would teach her the light.

  
Rey left the medbay, wandering until she found the captain's room. She had never gone in here before. It had first been occupied by Han Solo, then by Leia Organa while they were travelling to find a base. It was roomy, with a big closet and a bed. Rey inspected the 'fresher and the closet. She smiled as she sat on the bed. It was certainly comfier than anything she had been on before.

  
Rey undressed to her underclothes, sliding into the bed. The sheets were soft as they enveloped her. She snuggled the pillows, placing one at her back and laying on the other.

  
There were no lights, just the sound of Rey breathing. She rested her head against the pillow, trying desperately to fall asleep.

  
Rey must've been braver in the dark because her thoughts quickly drifted to Ben. Of how soft his hair felt. Of the feeling of his skin. During Rey's time taking care of him, she had grown used to his body. She knew where the moles on his face were, how far down his chest the scar on his face went.

  
Rey had a vast knowledge of his scars. She would've thought that he would have more, based on what he had done. But he only had a scar from the bowcaster wound and the strikes she had done against him in the forest of Starkiller. He most certainly would gain a scar from the Praetorian Guard's blade. But besides that, his skin was free. Rey assumed it was because he had never met his match in the Force. He must've never had to use his full strength against any adversary.

  
Rey thought back to the time they touched hands by the fire. His hand had shaken as he reached towards her. The feeling of the Force, swirling around them as they shared memories. His intense eyes.

  
His face. Rey found that his eyes were the windows to his soul. His expression could be sharing a different emotion than his eyes. Rey trusted those eyes. Ever since the throne room, where for a moment she thought he was going to kill her. He had pointed his lightsaber at her while Snoke cackled in the background. But he had killed Snoke, he had chosen her. Rey had never experienced the same emotions she had in the throne room.

  
Some part of her, the cold, logical part, said that she cared for him because of what he could do. Because he could teach her the ways of the light because he could help her defeat the First Order. Rey agreed with that part. She did care for him because of what he could do.

  
But also, she cared for him in a different way. A way that she would never mention out loud. Rey remembered the third time the Force connected them. She had been flustered as he turned to see her. He hadn't shied away like she had. He continued their conversation as if he wasn't shirtless. Rey was flustered because of how attractive he had been. And now that she knew him, she had realised something. Rey cared for Ben emotionally.

  
Rey shut out all thought of Ben as she tried to fall asleep. Instead, she thought of the Resistance. Of her friends.

  
Certainly not of Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Thursday! I can't wait to show you guys Chapter Seven. It's one of the best chapter's I've ever written. Thank you to my vat of medical knowledge. Every time I post a chapter she always texts me with lots of exclamation points. 
> 
> Also, thank you to my sister. She helped me plan the next several chapters and pulled me out of my writer's block. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and I can't wait to upload chapter Seven!


	7. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During the three weeks it takes to travel to the new base, Ben has some harsh truths for Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, I'm sorry this is late I completely forgot that it was Monday! Please enjoy one of my favourite chapters!

Three weeks.

  
The first week passed without any incidents. Rey spent most of her time reading the Jedi texts. She practised with her lightsaber. She took care of Ben, who had fallen back into unconsciousness. Rey knew that this time, it wasn't a coma. He was just recovering from the escape. He had only woken up a week ago. It was normal for coma recoveries to take weeks.

  
The second week was when everything broke apart.

  
Rey walked into the medbay, where Ben was laying. His eyes were open as he tried to lift himself up. Rey rushed to his side, bringing him to a sitting position.

  
"Thanks," Ben said. Rey smiled.

  
"How are you feeling?" Rey asked, and Ben bit his bottom lip as his eyes rested on the wall in front of him.

  
"Better." He paused for a moment before meeting Rey's eyes. "Why did you save me?"

  
"Because you turned to the light. Because you saved me from Snoke. Ben, now that you're recovering we can go to the Resistance. You can tell them how you killed Snoke, and that you've turned to the light. You can tell them how we're going to take down the First Order, together. With two Jedi on the Resistance's side, we'll _surely_ win." Joy seeped through Rey's words. She felt excited. He was recovering. And soon, they would defeat the First Order, together.

  
Rey's smile faltered when she saw Ben's expression as his eyes met hers. It wasn't joy. It was purposeful. But Rey sensed that something was wrong.

  
"Rey," Ben said, and Rey's heart started to beat faster. Something was wrong. She backed up, so he was farther away from her. "It's time to let old things die. Snoke. Skywalker. The Jedi. The Sith. The Rebels. Let them all die. I want you to join me, Rey." He reached out his hand. "We could rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy," Ben said, his expression intense, hopeful. Rey started to cry. This was not how it was supposed to go. This was not right. He wasn't like this. He wasn't. He was light, he was good. He had _turned._ Rey felt her heart fall.

  
"Don't do this, Ben" Rey said, her voice cracking. "Please don't go this way." There was a feeling in her stomach, in her heart. She felt like she was cracking apart. Everything, every thought she had since the Supremacy had been a lie. Her fantasies had been a lie.

  
"No, no," Ben raised his voice as he spat out the next words. "You're still holding on! Let go!" Ben dropped his hand as he continued to speak. "Do you want to know the truth about your parents?" Rey felt like it was harder to breathe. The feeling in her stomach hadn't gone away. Why was his voice so soft? Why was he doing this? "Or have you always known? And you've just hidden it away." He stepped onto the floor, using the bed to hold himself up. How was it that he was destroying her life while still weak? "You know the truth. Say it. Say it." _How was he breaking her apart when she had held him together all these weeks?_

  
"They were nobody," she said, tears falling down her face.

  
"They were filthy junk traders. Sold you off for drinking money," Ben said, dismissive. Rey breathed out, shaky. She felt like she was going to fall over. "They're dead. In a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story. You came from nothing. You're nothing." Ben shook his head slightly. Rey felt her world breaking apart. Her gaze dropped to the floor. She knew that, deep in her heart. That's why she idolised Han Solo. Why she was so surprised that she could connect to the Force. It's why she named herself after the name on the pilot's helmet on Jakku. Raeh, it had said. So she named herself after a pilot from the Rebel Alliance. Rey. A pilot. A _hero_.

  
"But not to me," Ben said, his voice growing softer. She met his eyes once more. Ben reached his hand out towards her once again. "Join me, Rey."

  
" _Please_ ," he choked out. Rey felt her life breaking apart. And so, like other times when everything went bad, she categorised.

  
She knew that Ben had not turned. And yet she couldn't drop him out of the airlock. Because, deep inside, she still cared for him. She was angry. Angry that he couldn't see the truth. Angry at herself for assuming his intentions. Rey sighed.

  
"Get back in bed," Rey said, her voice cold. His hand dropped as his legs wobbled. He looked as if he was going to collapse. The stress he put on his legs must've been too much. Rey stepped forward and hoisted him onto the bed. He grunted as he laid back down.

  
She rushed back towards the captain's room, shutting the door behind her and falling to the floor. She curled up in a ball as she cried, letting the tears that she held in slide down her face.

  
She had been so stupid, to believe Ben had been good. She should've known better. But she was drawn in, she let her fantasies become true. Then he came along and broke them apart with only a few sentences.

  
She would no longer cry for Ben Solo. She thought she found him, brought him out of the muddy dark known as Kylo Ren.

  
She had been wrong.

 

* * *

 

 Rey refused to see him for the rest of the week. She would pass by the medbay, never looking in. She would hear when he fell while he was trying to walk to the 'fresher. She heard his groans as he tried to clean his wound by himself. But Rey never entered the medbay. She never saw his face.

  
In fact, he had lost all meaning. She didn't even think of him by his name anymore. Rey knew that before when she was alone on Ahch-To, he had helped her. He had told her that she wasn't alone.

  
Now she felt more alone than ever.

  
Chewie somehow knew what had happened. Sometimes, they would be sitting in the cockpit, and Rey would stand up. Chewie would wrap his arms around her, and Rey would cry into his fur. Then she would wipe her tears and pretend it never happened. But Chewie never said a word. And Rey appreciated that more than ever.

  
Rey munched on a roll as she passed by the medbay to go to the cockpit. She actually felt a bit happy as she passed by. Then she spotted him in the medbay.

  
He was sitting up, reaching towards the floor with his toes. His hands gripped the bed as he steadied himself on the floor. He let go of the bed, his legs shaking, and he took a step towards the 'fresher. His left foot planted on the floor, and he sighed in relief. He took another step and his legs buckled, sending him sprawling towards the floor. He grunted, then he placed his hands on the floor and pushed himself into a sitting position. He pushed back, and went on his toes, squatting. He huffed as he placed his hands in front of him. He stood up, his legs shaking.

  
He took another step, his legs holding their ground. He walked, slowly but surely for two more steps before he fell again. He cried out in anger as he curled his hands into fists. He rolled over onto his back, cradling his wound. He lifted up his tunic to look at the wound.

  
It wasn't as bad as it used to be. But Rey could tell it still gave him pain. The wound was starting to scab, and he leaned his head back as he rolled his tunic back down.

Rey couldn't look any more. She rushed to the cockpit, a tear falling down her face. What was she doing there? Why was she watching him struggle? The feeling in her stomach was back. The warm, uncomfortable feeling she felt whenever she thought of him. The intensity was increased tenfold.

  
Chewie saw her expression when she walked in, and he opened his arms. She sat on his lap like a baby as he rocked her.

  
"It's so difficult," Rey said into Chewie's fur. He purred, a comforting noise. "I thought my vision had come true. I thought he had turned to the light. And when he was injured, I let myself believe in him. I let myself grow closer. I thought I knew him. I was wrong." Rey pulled away from Chewie, with her arms still wrapped around him.  
"He hadn't turned. He was still on the dark side. But it hurts to see him. To know I was wrong. I let myself grow close. That was a mistake. I don't think I can help him. I thought I was enough," Rey said quietly. "What should I do?"

  
Chewie replied, saying she should do what she thinks is right.

  
"I don't know what that is anymore," Rey said. "I thought I did the right thing by saving him, by taking him aboard the Falcon. Maybe I should've left him on the Supremacy."

Chewie said that she did what she thought was right then. He said that she should trust in herself. He asked her what she wanted to do.

  
"I want to help him. I don't know how to. I tried my best, but he didn't listen to me," Rey said. Chewie said to try her best, and that he had to figure himself out first.

"Thank you, Chewie," Rey said. Chewie hugged her again, squeezing her.

Rey laughed for the first time in a week.

 

* * *

 

 Rey passed by the medbay, watching as he leaned against the wall, eyes closed. He seemed to be in deep meditation, concentrating on something. Rey took a deep breath before she entered the medbay.

  
He opened his eyes and Rey could see the surprise on his face. He didn't move, only watched as Rey stepped into the room.

  
The room was a mess, but Rey already knew that. He was unable to pick up after himself, and so there was a mess. Rey put down the trash can she had carried in here and got to work. She picked up all the trash she could see, from the spilt food on the floor to the bloody bandages next to his bed. He watched her without saying a word as she picked up after him.

  
Next, she went to him. He had forgone a shirt, the tunic and undershirt tossed somewhere in the room. She could guess why. Ease. It must've hurt to roll up and down the shirt. Rey tried not to stare as she approached him.

  
He watched with wide eyes as she came next to him. The wound was getting better, and Rey knew she only had to apply the bacta. It was clean.

  
He laid down, and Rey looked around for the bacta. It was laying next to him, closed. Rey opened it and dipped her fingers in the paste. He closed his eyes as Rey applied the bacta.

  
There was something different in the air. A sort of calm. The previous times Rey had taken care of him, he'd either been in a coma or so sick he couldn't process it. But this time was different. She knew that he was aware of her fingers brushing his skin. He was aware of her every move. And she was aware of him. Rey replaced the bandage on his wound, and she dropped her hands.

  
She glanced into his eyes, and he stared into hers. There was no more vulnerability in his eyes. Rey prayed to the Force that her emotions weren't plain on her face.

  
"Rey," he whispered. Rey said nothing as she walked out of the medbay.

 

* * *

 

 Rey spent the last week taking care of him and reading the Jedi texts. Neither of them said a word as she helped him to the bathroom, gave him food, and applied his medicine. One day he woke up to her building a seat for him in the bathroom, so he didn't have to stand when he showered. And he always stared at her, never took his eyes off her when she was in the room. It made Rey feel weird. Not in an uncomfortable way. In a way that made her thoughts drift towards him in the night.

  
His gaze was too intense, Rey thought. He looked at her too much. He had given up that right. He had given up her.

  
Rey had to remind herself that it wasn't his fault. That he had been manipulated by Snoke for all of his life, it sounded like. He didn't know any better, so he couldn't help himself.

  
Rey thought that she had shown him something better. Apparently, she had been wrong.

  
She didn't talk to him. She never mentioned his name. She eventually stopped thinking of him at night. He became a task. Something to complete. A diversion from the monotony of the trip.

  
It wasn't forgiveness. She did not forgive him for regressing to the dark side. It was simply necessary. Taking care of him was necessary.

  
She did not fear him. She did not care for him. She felt nothing. She gave up.

  
She had never given up on anything before. But no matter how much she wracked her mind, she couldn't find a way to save him. So what was the point?

  
Rey had left Ben Solo.

  
In three weeks. Everything had gone wrong in three weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that chapter huh? It's one of the greatest chapters I've ever written. I really hope that I captured what Rey was feeling. I don't think I write her character as well as I write Ben's. Fun fact, I actually simulated falling down in my living room to see how I would describe it. Thank you once again to my vat of medical knowledge. Thanks to her I know that there can be long-lasting damage from a coma.
> 
> Thanks to my sister for supporting me. When I wrote this chapter I had her read it, and all she commented on was how amazing Chewie was. 
> 
> And thank you to all who comment, kudos, or bookmark! It really inspires me to write every day, and I'm glad you are enjoying this! I'll see you on Thursday! And I won't be late!


	8. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Falcon arrives at the new base. Rey and the others establish the base as Rey copes with the Force bond.

The Falcon glided into the new base. It was filled with forests. Rey thought it looked like Takodana. But it wasn't. There were rolling hills in one section, separated by a river, then deep forests. On the cusp of the river was a large temple, hidden away by the forests. Rey gasped in amazement as she leaned forward in her seat, watching the Falcon fly over the hills.

  
The Falcon landed in front of the temple, and Rey saw the X-wings scattered around. She smiled when she saw the black and orange paint on the customised X-wing. So Poe was here. Finn and Rose were probably here too.

  
Rey went to the medbay, where Ben was leaning his head back against the wall, his eyes closed. He could walk short distances now, and his speech was impeccable. His wound was completely scabbed over, and it wouldn't be long until he was completely healed.

  
"Stay here. Don't make any noises. If I see you off the Falcon, or in the Captain's room, I'll kill you myself. Everything you need is in the Falcon," Rey said, monotone. He looked up, his expression blank. His eyes shimmered with something close to regret. Rey didn't let herself read into it. He nodded, and Rey left the medbay.

  
Chewie and Rey left the Falcon, wandering into the base. It seemed that the Resistance had already set up, and taken extra precautions to make sure the First Order never found them again.

  
"Rey!" a voice shouted, and Rey saw Finn, Rose, and Poe rushing out of the base. Rey laughed as Finn ran towards her. Her friend was here.

  
Finn crushed Rey in a hug, and Rey huffed as the air was squeezed out of her lungs. She wrapped her arms around Finn, squeezing him just as hard.

  
"I missed you," Rey said, thinking of the horrible three weeks she had. Finn murmured his agreement into her shoulder. Rey pulled away and hugged Rose, and then Poe.

  
"Where were you guys?" Poe asked, curiosity in his voice. Rey thought back. Three weeks of lightspeed, each week so vastly different from the last she wondered whether they were real. A week of happiness, a week of sadness, a week of nothing. Three weeks of hell.

  
"Lightspeed. It took some time to get here," Rey replied. Finn nodded.

  
"We arrived last week," Finn added. "Chewie had comm'd ahead and told us that you were coming. Now we're all here." Rey glanced back towards the Falcon.

  
"We're all here," she said.

 

* * *

 

 Rey spotted Leia, leaning over a map in the command centre. She rushed towards her, and Leia enveloped her in a hug. Rey couldn't stop a few sobs from coming out. Leia pulled Rey aside.

  
"What happened?" Leia asked, and Rey wiped her tears away as she told Leia what happened, keeping secret her complicated feelings for him. But Leia didn't react like Rey thought she would.

  
"I knew this would happen. It seemed too easy that he turned. I sensed the darkness still residing in him. I'm sorry," Leia replied. Rey hugged her again.

  
"What do I do? He won't turn to the light. I don't know how I could help him. I've given up," Rey said, despondent. Leia gave her a smile.

  
"He has to find the light for himself. Nobody can be forced to see the light," Leia replied.

  
"Thank you," Rey said. Leia nodded.

 

* * *

 

 Rey spent the next few weeks helping the Resistance. She devoted her time to the Resistance, where before she had devoted her time to Ben. She spent more time with Poe, Finn, and Rose. Soon they became fast friends. She ate with them at mealtimes, they had inside jokes. Rey loved spending time with them.

  
She went inside the Falcon once a day. She would deliver food and supplies to the Falcon, then leave. Sometimes she wouldn't even see Ben. But no matter where she went in the Falcon, she could feel his eyes on her.

  
Rey walked into the forest, her lightsaber clipped to her belt. She observed the grass as she walked through it. The trees towered above her as she stepped over a fallen trunk, the sound of birds in the air. If she listened carefully, she could hear the rushing stream nearby. That's where she was headed.

  
Rey set her bag down near the stream and unclipped her lightsaber. She aimed it in front of her and started swinging in wide arcs. Rey felt the Force flow through her as she practised with her lightsaber. Rey closed her eyes, letting the Force guide her. Soon, all she could hear was the sound of her own breathing. Rey's eyes shot open when she sensed the presence of another.

  
Ben was leaning against the wall of the medbay, sitting cross-legged on the bed. His eyes were closed in deep meditation, but one eye opened when Rey glanced at him. She immediately glanced away from him, instead focusing on a tree he was blocking.

  
Her breath came in shaky gasps, and all she could hear in her head was his tearing words in soft tones. A part of her wondered why she chose to care for this broken soul. But there was a different part of her screaming that she didn't need him, that she needed to cut ties to a destructive person, that she couldn't help him, and she would never believe in his ideas. She needed to cut herself off from him because he would keep asking, and she would keep having to tell him no.

  
"Rey," he said, staring at her with soulful eyes, and it was the last straw. All the emotions boiling up inside her exploded out of her.

  
"No," she pointed an accusatory finger at him, and his eyebrows raised in surprise. "You don't get to talk to me with that pouty look. Not after what you did. You've lost your only friend, _Kylo._ I hope you realise how it feels." His expression did not change, but Rey thought she saw a flicker of hurt in his eyes. He must've been so used to schooling every inch of his face, used to never giving anything away. It was kind of sad, Rey realised. She felt pity for him. He would never know what it was like to trust someone completely. Rey had thought that he would've trusted her. She was wrong. About so many things.

  
Ben turned away from her, and Rey inwardly sighed in relief. His expression was, as always, too intense. It felt like he was trying to burn into her with his eyes. She turned back to her lightsaber, feeling the weight in her hands before starting to swing again. She closed her eyes as she did, slicing the air with the lightsaber.

  
"Your footing's off," Ben said from her left, and she gritted her teeth as she ignored it. She didn't want to hear what he had to say.

  
"You're going to fall if you continue," Ben's voice echoed in the bond. Rey sighed angrily, then swung again. Sure enough, she tripped and fell backwards. The dirt rubbed into her hands, and she yelped in surprise. Rey glared at Ben, but he just stared at her. She got up and started to swing again.

  
"You're swinging wrong. It'll hurt your wrist," he said, and Rey groaned as she powered down her lightsaber.

  
"What do you suppose I do then?" she yelled at him, and Ben bit his lip as he got up from his bed. He wavered a bit before steadying himself by placing his hand on the bed behind him. Rey watched as he painstakingly walked over so he was in front of her. They were comfortably close to each other; if Rey stuck out her hand she would barely touch him. He stared at her, hesitantly reaching towards Rey's hand. She was frozen in place as he gripped her hand and the lightsaber with it.

  
"Move your hand like this," he whispered, and he moved her hand in a slow arch, adjusting her grip and wrist. Rey felt her body growing hot, hyper-aware of every place their hands touched. He moved her hand back and forward in the hair, the lightsaber making a rainbow in the sky. He let go of her hand, and Rey found herself missing the touch. As he stared at her, his eyes pleading but his face like stone, she remembered why she was still mad at him.

  
"I have it! Don't touch me," Rey spat at him, and Ben backed away, groaning as he hoisted himself back onto the medbay's bed. Rey swung the blade like he showed her, and it felt stronger than before. He was right.

  
But Rey didn't let him know. She ignored him for the rest of the time the bond lasted, pretending not to notice his eyes on her the entire time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY! It's Thursday! I have some really exciting chapters coming right up! This chapter was kind of an establishing point. I can definitely say that we've entered a new arc in our story. Don't worry, Y'all. Ben won't stay evil forever (or will he?)
> 
> As I was writing last night, I asked my vat of medical knowledge if it was possible for your muscles to weaken after being in a coma for a long time. I'd say that Ben was in a coma for about a month, and didn't start walking until maybe a month after that. Unfortunately, we couldn't find a concrete medical reason for this. But this is a Star Wars fanfic, so I'm going to take creative liberty.
> 
> Thank you to my sister, who has read this chapter but has not commentated on it. I suppose since there isn't as much Chewie in this chapter she had no reason to.
> 
> AND THANK YOU, READERS! Your comments, kudos, bookmarks, and simply reading this fic inspires me to write every single day!


	9. Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bond between Rey and Ben starts up again. Rey and Ben talk, and as they grow closer Rey realises something.

The bond started up again. After weeks of being by Ben's side, of the bond being nonexistent, it came back with a vengeance. It would connect them at the most inopportune times. It would connect them when Rey was in the command centre, trying to map out the First Order's fleets. It would connect them when Rey was eating, talking with her friends as she tried to ignore Ben's heavy breathing. One time, it connected them as Ben was getting ready to shower, and Rey caught a glimpse of Ben, wrapped in a towel, trying to hoist himself into the shower.

  
She never asked how he was. Never gave him a second glance. In fact, Rey found that her life was better without Ben. She was able to talk to her friends without worrying that something would slip. She laughed, she smiled, she talked. She enjoyed her time away.

  
At least, until it was the nighttime. When everybody went to their beds. Then, Rey slowly but surely realised that even though she had friends, they couldn't relate to her situation. They couldn't understand the Force, not the way Rey did. The way Ben did.

  
Rey shifted on her pillow, fluffing it before laying back down on it. One thing she missed from when Ben was comatose was his body heat against hers. She never felt cold when he was against her. She never felt alone. The feeling of his skin against hers was comforting.

  
It was as if the Force read her mind. Suddenly, all sound around her dropped as she heard the sound of even breathing. Rey took a shaky breath, turning onto her side.

  
Ben laid on his side, his pillow above him untouched. His eyes were closed as he breathed. Rey paused all breathing as she froze in place. What was she supposed to do now? If she moved a centimetre Ben's nose would be resting against her arm.

  
Rey prayed to the Force to close the bond. To do anything. But the Force didn't budge. The bond stayed open. Rey thought of her options, but it seemed that her body chose for her.

  
Rey shifted onto her side so that Ben's nose brushed against her back. The feeling of his pointy nose digging into her skin, of his forehead resting against her back immediately relaxed her. She sighed as she relaxed her muscles, feeling his breath against her spine. The soft puffs of air stalled, and Rey knew that Ben was awake. But neither of them moved, neither of them fell apart from each other. Instead, the breath against her spine continued.

  
"I'm not dependent on you," Rey whispered to the air. The puff of air against her spine continued. "I haven't forgiven you. I am not forgiving you. You've done something horrible. I can't help you. You have to help yourself." There was no change. Rey took a deep breath, feeling her lungs fill with oxygen. She released it slowly.

  
"Your mother misses you," Rey breathed out. The puffs of air stopped on her spine, and Rey could hear Ben's shaky breaths. "She loves you. She always has. But she can't take this much more. She's about to give up. Just remember that every time you believe the dark side is right. Remember that your mother still _loves_ you."

  
Rey closed her eyes, and she fell asleep fast, with Ben's breath against her spine and his body heat warming her bed.

 

* * *

 

Rey sat next to Finn, and the two of them stared into the river. He glanced at her.

  
"Rey?" Finn asked, and Rey turned to him.

  
"Yeah?" Rey replied.

  
"What has been with you these past few weeks? Before we left the base you barely talked to us. Now you never go anywhere without us. I'm glad you're with us, but I'm just confused," Finn said. Rey sighed, glancing into the clear waters. Her reflection stared back at her.

  
"I've been normal," Rey replied, but even to her, it sounded fake.

  
"No, you haven't. You ignored us for weeks, and then suddenly the base is overwhelmed and we meet up again and you seem devastated. Don't think I haven't noticed. I'm your friend. Now, you're happy-go-lucky and you never leave my side. It's like you're afraid to be alone. I get it, Rey. I just want to know that you're okay." Finn reached out and grabbed Rey's hand, rubbing into the back of her hand with his thumb. It was comforting, and Rey felt more inclined to tell Finn the truth. More than anything Rey wanted to tell Finn the truth. But she couldn't. She couldn't jeopardise Ben. Like it or not, he was a connection to the Force. He was a resource. It would jeopardise herself as well, to expose him. So Rey decided to tell Finn the truth. Just not the whole truth.

  
"On Ahch-To, I discovered a... connection. I hated it when I was on Ahch-To. But, I grew to understand the connection. Then, on the other base, the connection... cut off. I felt... betrayed. But now I realise that I'm better without the connection," Rey explained. Finn gave her a confused expression but then dropped the subject.

  
"Thanks for talking with me," Rey said, getting up from her seat. She could feel Finn's eyes on her as she left.

 

* * *

 

 "Do you hate me?" he breathed against her spine. She shifted in her bed, pulling the covers closer to her. And yet, that didn't diminish the hot puffs of air on her back.

  
"Yes," she replied, but the words sounded hollow to her.

  
"No, you don't," he said, and his voice was so soft. A whisper. If the room wasn't quiet she didn't think she would hear him.

  
"I don't hate you. I hate your actions. Your words. I understand that you've been under the control of Snoke for so long that you don't know what's right anymore." She gripped her pillow, not daring to turn around to see what he's thinking. He said nothing, and for a while there was silence.

  
"Let me _go_ , Rey. There's no reason for you to keep me here," he said. He was right. Rey knew why she kept him here. She still believed he could turn.

  
"You can't walk for more than fifteen minutes," she responded, and she could feel his sigh against her. She took a deep breath, then turned to her other side.

  
His head was inches away from her stomach, now. He had his eyes closed, his hair tousled against the bed. He never slept on a pillow, she realised. Always further down the bed. She was certain his feet were hanging off the edge.

  
"Why do you sleep halfway down the bed?" she asked, and he opened his eyes. He stared at her stomach, never meeting her eyes.

  
"It's not comfortable," he lied. Rey could tell.

  
"What's the real reason?" she asked, and he closed his eyes again. Rey felt the compulsion to wrap her hands in his hair and pull him into an embrace. She ignored it.

  
"I haven't used a pillow in six years," he replied. Rey could guess the rest. Snoke wouldn't let him. He would call it training. And Ben would follow orders. He always did.

  
Rey hesitated for a moment, then she brushed her fingers against Ben's hair. He sucked in a breath as she threaded her fingers in his hair, leaving them there. It was still soft. She smiled.

  
They stayed there a while, against each other. It was like they forgot who they were, in the quiet moments when the bond opened. They forgot that they were enemies.

  
"Goodnight, Ben," Rey said, closing her eyes.

  
"Goodnight, Rey," Ben whispered.

 

* * *

 

Rey entered the Falcon, weaving through the hallways until she got to the medbay. There was nobody in the room, and Rey glanced around, looking for Ben. She heard the bathroom door open, and Ben walked out, gripping the door frame as he stared at Rey in shock.

  
Rey had made a decision after this past couple of days. There really was no reason to keep Ben here, and as much as she wanted to keep him here, he wasn't turning to the light. No matter what she did, he wouldn't listen. Rey remembered what it was like, staying on Jakku, wishing for her parents to come back. She wouldn't wish that on anybody. So she had to let him go. Rey wouldn't keep Ben in her life, not when he was a danger to herself, to the Resistance. He was recovering, he was going to be okay. He didn't need her to take care of him.

  
She had to let him go. She couldn't save him.

  
"I need to talk to you," Rey said, and Ben just stared, his hand still on the doorframe.

  
"Can I get to the bed first?" he asked. Rey felt nervous.

  
"Oh, yeah, of course," she stepped out of his way as he made his way over to the bed. Each move of his was robotic, slow. He grunted as he placed one foot in front of the other, hesitating after each step to steady himself. Maybe he wasn't as recovered as he looked. How long did it take to recover from a coma? Rey thought that maybe the coma may have done more damage than she thought. He may be able to talk and have conversations, may be able to grip and hold himself up, but maybe his legs would never be the same. Maybe he would never be able to run again. Rey hadn't been watching him after they arrived at the base. Maybe he needed more help then she realised.

Ben could get all the help he needed outside of the Resistance. It was killing her to hide him. She needed to let him go.

  
Ben finally sat down, sighing as he hoisted himself onto the bed. He stared at Rey, and she remembered what she was supposed to talk to him about.

  
"I'm taking you away from here," Rey said. The shock was palpable on Ben's face.

  
" _What?_ " he whispered, his hands gripping the side of the bed. Rey stepped forward, closer to Ben but not close enough so he could reach her.

  
"I've realised why I've kept you here. I thought that I could show you the light side. The good. I thought I could turn you good. But I've realised that I'm wrong. I can't help you. And I won't abandon everything for you. I won't abandon my morals. So I'm going to take you away. This is an act of mercy. You have to promise me something. You have to promise me that you won't go back to the First Order. Let everyone think you've died. Please. If you've ever cared for me, don't go back. Promise me. _Promise me,_ and I'll let go," Rey said. Her eyes filled with tears. She kept Ben because she thought he had the potential to be good. With every sentence, she stepped closer, until she was standing right in front of him. Because he was on the bed, they were face to face. He breathed heavily as he stared into her.

  
"Rey," Ben whispered, and Rey saw his eyes glimmer.

  
"I won't hold on to you. I won't hold onto the past. I wish you would understand that you don't practice what you preach. You hold on to the past, Ben! You _live_ in it! You won't let go either! I've figured out how to move on. To embrace my place in the Resistance. To embrace my place with my friends. But I can't do that while I still hold on. I hold on to you, to the hope that you'll redeem yourself. I'm letting go, Ben. Maybe you will too. Just promise me that you won't go back to the First Order." Rey watched as Ben's eyes dropped to the floor. He looked conflicted, lost. As if he didn't know what to say. He was speechless. Finally, he said two words.

  
"I _promise_ ," Ben said. And a weight was lifted off Rey's shoulders. He wouldn't go back. It wasn't what she imagined. Not at all. She thought she would feel happy, overwhelmed with joy. Instead, she felt numb.

  
It wasn't the victory she imagined. Rey stared into Ben's eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul. Rey knew that. She knew that his soul was broken. But she couldn't fix it. But, staring into his eyes, she knew she had to do something. She had to show him that she cared for him. If he couldn't read it in her words, maybe he could read it in her actions.

  
Rey took the chance. She leaned into him and pressed her mouth against his. He gasped in surprise but leaned into the kiss. Rey wrapped her arms behind his neck, and he rested his arms on her sides. She murmured against his lips, pulling his arms so he embraced her before threading her fingers through his hair. She could feel the metal of the bed against her, and Ben's legs were resting on the sides of her body. Rey pulled away, resting her forehead against Ben's.

  
What was she doing? He was bad. He was on the dark side of the Force, stuck in the past. And she just _kissed_ him! Rey wanted to back away, tried to. But her body didn't respond to her commands. Instead, she breathed heavily, her hands still tangled in Ben's hair. He started to lean forward when they heard the medbay's doors open. Poe Dameron stood there, on the opposite sides of the doors. Finn was beside him. Rey could see the absolute shock on their faces. Then, Poe said two words.

  
" _What the—_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That ending, huh? It only took them nine chapters to kiss! I'm not so sure I'd classify this as a slow-burn, but I think it is.
> 
> Thank you to my vat of medical knowledge. She's really helped me out, and I never would've started this fic without her.
> 
> Thank you to my sister, who helped me plan this out. Without her, this fic would've ended a couple of chapters ago.
> 
> AND THANK YOU, READERS! You really inspire me to keep writing, to keep posting these. See you all on Monday!


	10. A Brief Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe Dameron, along with Finn and Rose, investigates Rey's secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter runs parallel to Chapter Nine! Enjoy!

Poe Dameron thought of himself as the leader of the Resistance.

  
Ever since Crait, he had been leading the Resistance. He was the new general. And he loved it. It felt like he finally had a purpose in his life.

  
Ever since he was little, he wanted to be a pilot. Poe remembered when his mom took him up in the old A-wing, and as he sat on her lap, she would teach him to fly. His parents dedicated their lives to the Rebellion.

  
If only they could see him now.

  
Poe sat down, banging his tray down next to him. Finn jumped in his seat from the noise. Poe smiled a bit as Finn started to pick at his food again.

  
"What's with the sad face?" Poe asked. Finn looked up from his food. He did look sad. BB-8 rolled up beside Poe, beeping quietly.

  
"It's Rey. I just talked to her. I think that something's wrong," Finn replied. BB-8 cooed, and Poe bent down to lightly rub BB-8's dome head before sitting back up.

  
"Why do you think that?" Poe asked. He didn't know Rey very well. She mostly kept to herself for a couple of weeks after Crait. Sometimes Poe would hear someone sneaking around the Falcon. He always thought it was her, but he never said anything. Then, they had landed at their first base, and she had practically been nonexistent. Poe thought she had left the base, off to study some Jedi thing. Then he had run into her on the base, and he asked her to go on a mission with Finn and Rose. Then the base had been attacked, and Poe had been too busy with the evacuation to wonder about Rey. He was glad she was alive, but he had been concentrating on finding a new base. Now, she was friends with him. And yet, he barely knew anything about her. She was an intriguing character for sure. Poe had known of the Force before; his parents had worked alongside Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker, and Han Solo. Now, Poe was steadfast friends with a Jedi, and she was both incredible and confusing.

  
"Well," Finn started, "she said something weird to me during lunch today. I told her about how weird she was acting, and she spoke in riddles about a connection. I think she met someone on Ahch-To besides Skywalker. I think she's hiding someone." Finn glanced at Poe. And so Poe thought. Hiding someone? Had she found someone on Ahch-To, someone she brought on the ship?

  
"I care about her too. We should try to figure out what's wrong. Where has she been spending most of her time?" Poe asked. Finn thought for a moment.

  
"The Falcon. She goes there every day. But, I don't think—" Finn started, but Poe interrupted him.

  
"Great, the Falcon. Let's see what's in the Falcon," Poe said. Finn slowly got up, following behind Poe as they marched towards the Falcon. BB-8 chirped as they went down the hallway towards the landing bay outside. Poe suddenly stopped, a thought coming to him. Finn ran straight into him. BB-8 ran into Finn.

  
"Where's Rey right now?" Poe asked.

  
"She's at her training spot by the river," Finn replied. Poe smiled. Good.

  
The three of them, if you counted BB-8, raced towards the Falcon. The ramp was lowered, and they went on it easily.

  
"It's a lot different without the rush of people," Poe said, and Finn nodded his agreement. BB-8 beeped, and Poe bent down to lightly touch BB-8's dome before walking forward. As they explored the ship, they heard a crash from the medbay. Poe felt a rush, the same rush that he felt on undercover missions, and he turned to Finn. Finn's eyebrows were raised, and they shared a glance before rushing to the medbay.

  
Poe skidded to a stop in the medbay. There was nobody here. There were rumpled blankets on the bed. Trays of food and water were scattered everywhere. There was medical equipment off to the side. Someone had been living here. They had been injured.

  
"I think you were right, Finn," Poe said as Finn and BB-8 rushed into the room. Poe gestured to all the evidence, and Finn observed it with a thoughtful expression.

  
"Someone had been living here?" Finn asked. Poe nodded. BB-8 beeped victoriously. They had been right.

  
"But who made that noise?" Finn asked, turning to Poe. Poe glanced around the room once again, finding nobody. He crept up to the covers and pulled them off the bed, letting them fall to the floor. There was blood on the sheets, but nothing more.

  
"It looks like whoever was living here was hurt. Bad. Look at the stains on the bedsheets," Poe said. Finn looked at the sheets. He recoiled. The sheets had been washed multiple times, it looked like, but you could still see the blood.

  
Poe glanced around the room and saw the door to what might've been the bathroom. He started to walk towards it when Finn called out.

  
"I think we should leave. Whoever was here has been gone a long time," Finn said. BB-8 beeped his agreement. Poe turned towards them.

  
"Okay then. Let's go," Poe said.

 

* * *

 

 "I still think there was someone in the bathroom," Poe said. Finn laughed, rubbing Rose's hand.

  
"Not true. There was nobody there," Finn said. Rose sighed, thinking to herself. Poe watched the exchange between them with a smile on his face.

  
"Why don't you just leave Rey alone, guys? If she's hiding someone it's probably for a good reason," Rose said. Poe froze for a second, before delving into a more serious tone.

  
"I respect Rey, and I trust her, but this could be very dangerous for the Resistance. What if she accidentally spills Resistance secrets? I think that for the Resistance's safety, I need to know who this person is." Poe paused a moment before rubbing his hands together and standing up. "So. Who wants to come with me to investigate again?" Rose shook her head as Finn stood up.

  
"Let's go," Poe said. Finn hesitantly nodded, and the two of them marched to the Falcon. Poe was determined to find out the truth. He had always believed in his fellow pilots. Trusted them. But if Rey was hiding someone, Poe had to know who it was. There were too many instances where this exact thing led to the enemy discovering them. So Poe had to know. For the Resistance's sake.

  
Poe heard soft words being spoken from the medbay. He motioned to Finn, who followed after him. Poe opened the medbay's doors, eager to see the person that Rey had hidden away. Adrenaline pumped through his veins, and Poe couldn't stop the smile that rose to his face. This was the best part of the mission. The adrenaline. He revelled in the feeling. Poe had to remind himself that this wasn't a mission. He was concerned for a friend. That was it.

  
Rey was resting her forehead against the person sitting on the medbay, her hands resting on his shoulders. His arms were wrapped around Rey, and as he leaned closer Poe recognised the face below the dark hair.

  
Rey was holding Kylo Ren. Who Poe had thought dead. Ever since the Supremacy blew up. He had been gone, in the wind. Poe had looked for him, watched as Hux placed a bounty on him. Kylo Ren was here the entire time. Kylo Ren was the one bleeding on the bed. Kylo Ren had his arm wrapped around Rey as they leaned towards each other. Shock ripped through Poe. Rey was holding the enemy. Rey was holding the man who was responsible for many deaths. The man who had tortured Poe, who had sliced a lightsaber into Finn's back. Poe stared at Rey and Kylo Ren, his mouth slightly ajar. He opened his mouth, and said two words.

  
"What the—"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy! I actually went on Poe's wookiepedia page to look up information about his childhood and maybe a bit of his thinking process. I read the comics, but I find that his character is not as easy as Rey's or Ben's. I always knew I wanted to do this kind of chapter, but I had no idea where to put it. It's a nice segue into the third arc of our little story! Sorry if it was a little short. 
> 
> Thank you to my vat of medical knowledge! She's helped me so much!
> 
> Thank you to my sister. She couldn't wait for this chapter, and had tons of things to say about it!
> 
> AND THANK YOU, DEAR READERS! Without your comments and kudos and bookmarks and just simply reading this, I wouldn't have gotten this far!
> 
> I actually started a Tumblr, where I will be posting stuff about this fic! I can answer questions there, and I'll post updates! I don't know how to hyperlink, so here's the link: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/auds-writing
> 
> Please go check it out! See you all on Monday!


	11. Imprisoned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is imprisoned. Rey fights the Resistance for his life, knowing that if she can't prove his innocence, it's over.

Rey jumped away from Ben, her heart on fire. That was Poe's voice. She turned towards Poe, fear coursing through her.

  
Finn and Poe stared at her in shock. Rey wrapped her arms around herself, ashamed of what she had done. She had betrayed her friends for Ben. Why had she done that?

  
"Kylo Ren?" Finn said, his voice shaky. Rey refused to look her friends in the eyes. Finn looked shocked, afraid, confused. But Poe... Poe had a determined look on his face. He looked like he had seen this too many times before.

  
"Finn..." Rey said, but the words died on her lips. She couldn't stop looking at her friends' horrified expressions.

  
"You... monster!" Finn shouted, launching himself at Ben. Rey watched, frozen in shock, as Finn tackled Ben to the ground. Ben shouted in pain as Finn landed punch after punch, finally hitting the spot where Ben's head cracked against the floor. Ben screamed, curling into himself and covering his head with his hands. Blood dripped down the freshly-healed wound and down his face. Ben's nose was bleeding, the thick liquid dripping down his lips. That's when Rey's resolve broke.

  
"Stop!" Rey shouted, and Finn and Poe froze. Rey stepped in front of Finn, becoming a barrier between Finn and Ben. Ben whimpered to himself as he cradled his stab wound, still not fully healed.

  
"Rey, explain!" Poe said, his voice laced with anger. But Rey wasn't afraid. She wasn't ashamed anymore.

  
"Be—Kylo Ren killed Snoke. When I was on Ahch-To, I communicated with him. I went to the Supremacy believing that he would turn to the light side. Kylo killed Snoke and was injured in the battle. He was dying. So I brought him aboard the Falcon and kept him alive. He was in a coma for weeks. Now, he's recovering from the coma. He's good!" Rey lied. She prayed to the Force that Ben would have the good sense to lie about his allegiances. If he didn't, they would kill him.

  
"Kylo Ren," Poe said, his face blank, "you are hereby under arrest for the murder of Han Solo and countless other Resistance operatives. You have betrayed the galaxy by choosing to side with the evil First Order." Poe stepped forward, and Rey mirrored his position, standing above Ben's battered body. There was silence in the room, the only sound was Ben's whimpers as he cried from the pain. Poe glared at Rey, and she stepped to the side. Poe reached down and grabbed Ben's arm, hoisting him upward. Ben groaned, pressing his hand to his stab wound as blood flowed down his face. Poe pulled Ben forward, catching him as Ben stumbled to the floor.

  
"Finn," Poe said, gritting his teeth, "help me." Finn broke out of his frozen state, rushing forward. Finn pried Ben's arm away from his wound.

  
"Follow me, Rey," Poe said, monotone. Rey followed behind as Finn and Poe half-dragged, half-carried Ben to the Resistance base. Rey felt numb.

  
The Resistance watched in awe as Ben was paraded down the hallways. Rey held her head high, but anyone could see the worry on her face. She wasn't worried for herself. She was worried about Ben. Rey saw every drop of blood that fell to the floor. She saw every single red stain on the floor of the hallway.

  
They entered the cell block, which was surprisingly empty. Poe and Finn threw Ben into the cells, and Ben grunted as his body hit the floor. Poe shut the door, and Ben was condemned to the darkness.

  
"Rey," Poe said, his voice full of empathy. He placed his hand on her shoulder. And then Rey knew.

  
They thought that Ben forced her to take care of him. They thought that Ben forced her to kiss him. Rey was filled with disgust. Her stomach clenched as she pushed Poe away.

  
"He didn't _force_ me to do anything," Rey said, defiant. But Poe's eyes only grew softer.

  
"Of course he didn't. It's okay, Rey. We'll break the brainwashing," Poe whispered. Rey's breath came in short gasps, and she pulled out her lightsaber, crossing it in front of her. Poe backed up, placing his hands in front of him.

  
"Stay away!" Rey yelled, staring at the cell door for a second before turning off her lightsaber and running away. Rey rushed past the Resistance members as she ran towards the entrance to the base. She knew that fresh air would help. Anything would help.

  
But Poe grabbed her arm. Rey felt herself being jolted back.

  
"We can't let you leave," Poe said. Rey glared at him, but his hold on her remained strong. Then, Rey's saviour came.

  
Leia stepped into the cell block, as strong as usual. Rey rushed into Leia's arms, and the woman was surprised for a moment before she hugged Rey back. Rey let the tears she had been holding in fall. Rey pulled away and saw Chewie. She collapsed into his arms, and the strong Wookie held Rey.

  
They were going to kill Ben. It was over.

 

* * *

 

 Rey stood in front of the cell, her hands curled into fists. It had been days since Ben was thrown into the cell. She hadn't been allowed to see him; Poe thought she was still brainwashed. Now, she was the only one that could withstand "Kylo Ren's mind-probing". So, with a list of questions in her hand, Rey stood in front of the cell. She took a deep breath and opened the cell.

  
Ben was sitting down, parallel to the wall the door was on. He shied away from the light, his feet in front of him. There were cuffs on his hands and feet. He was wearing threadbare clothes, with pants that were too short and a shirt that was stained with blood. There was dried blood on his lips and down his face. Rey could see the bruises around his eyes.

  
As the door shut behind her, Rey clicked on the lantern clipped to her belt. The lantern bathed the room in a dim golden glow. Rey could barely make out the words on the list of questions.

  
"Kylo Ren," Rey said, monotone. Ben looked up at her, unmoving. "I have some questions for you. Respond so that I know you can." Ben's face was blank as he stared up at her.

  
"Yes," he whispered, and Rey felt her gut wrench at his tone.

  
He sounded like he had given up.

  
"What happened on the Supremacy that caused Rey to bring you onboard the Falcon?" Rey asked. Her eyes flickered to the cameras before going back to Ben.

  
"Snoke told me to kill Rey," Ben started, his voice no more than a whisper. "I didn't. I used Rey's lightsaber and killed Snoke. I gave the lightsaber back to Rey, and we fought off the Praetorian Guards. One of them stabbed me in the left abdomen. I blacked out after that." Rey sighed in relief. He was telling the full story. Rey prayed to the Force that he knew that he had to lie in order to stay alive.

  
"Do you intend any harm towards the Resistance?" Rey asked. Ben's eyes jerked to the cameras and listening devices before resting on her once again. So he knew.

  
"No," Ben replied. Rey watched as he curled his hands into fists.

  
"Did you intend to return to the First Order once you were healthy?" Rey's stomach clenched. He had. But Rey had asked him to leave the First Order.

  
"At first, yes," Ben said. The comm in Rey's ear crackled to life.

  
"Ask him to clarify," Poe's voice came over the comm.

  
"Clarify that," Rey said. She refused to meet Ben's eyes. That was private. This seemed inhumane to her.

  
"At first I intended to return. Not anymore," Ben said, and Rey smiled when she heard the sass seep through his words.

  
"Clarify!" Poe said through the comm.

  
"More clarification," Rey said, and Ben stared at the wall in front of him.

  
"I was going to return. Then Rey asked me not to. She said that she would let me go as long as I never returned to the First Order," Ben explained. Rey could hear Poe sigh into the comm. Next question.

  
"Have you brainwashed Rey to take care of you?" Rey tried to separate her emotions from her actions. She couldn't break down. Not here.

  
"No," Ben said. Rey could feel the tension in the Force. The comm in her ear crackled as Poe told Rey to leave the room.

  
She was grateful to do so. Rey turned off the lantern and breathed in the artificial smell of the hallway. She turned back to see Ben's pleading eyes as the cell door was closed. Rey marched to the observation room. Poe watched with a team of spies as they saw his every move.

  
"Poe!" Rey said, and the pilot jumped in his seat. Rey waved the flimsi around as she pointed a finger at him.

  
"The state of that room is disgusting. It's monstrous! He looks like he's going to pass out from blood loss," Rey yelled, and Poe stood up.

  
"Listen, Rey. He is an enemy of the First Order. You need to choose sides, and fast," Poe said. He turned to another Resistance member, who stood up. "Take her away from here."

  
Rey waved away the member's hand, and she walked out of the observation room. She took one last glance at Ben through the screens.

  
He seemed to be staring back with pleading eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Monday! Happy Labor Day to all who live in the United States! This chapter was a riot, truly.
> 
> Thank you to my vat of medical knowledge. She has helped me so much.
> 
> Thank you to my sister, who wants more Chewie.
> 
> AND THANK YOU, GUYS. This fic would not exist without all of you reading it.
> 
> Remember: I have a Tumblr! I post updates and stuff on there. You can send me asks and stuff! It's at "auds-writing" Go check it out!


	12. Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey talks with Finn and Rose, coming to terms with her feelings for Ben while also understanding something about herself.

Rey and Finn sat together, staring out into the river. The water crashed along the shore, and Rey refused to meet Finn's eyes.

  
"Why?" Finn said, watching as the river flowed past them. Rey knew what he was asking. Why show compassion to an enemy of the Resistance? Why care for someone who has slaughtered millions?

  
"Why what?" Rey asked, and Finn breathed out a sigh.

  
"Why did you hide Kylo Ren? Why did you nurse him back to health? Don't you know what he has done to the galaxy? To the Resistance?" Finn's voice cracked on the word Resistance. Rey felt her stomach curl. It was so hard, hearing Finn in pain like this. Not for the first time since Ben's incarceration, Rey wondered why she betrayed her friends for him. She would do anything to erase the look on Finn's face.

  
"I... don't know. I saw the light in him. I thought I could turn him, and in turn, he could help us defeat the First Order." Rey tried desperately to convey her feelings of guilt through her words. She wanted more than anything to see a smile on Finn's face. To turn back time, where Finn and Rey were friends and she didn't have to worry about Kylo Ren or the Resistance. Those first few moments flying along Han Solo and Chewbacca were the best.

  
"He's the enemy, Rey!" Finn raised his voice. "He's the enemy and he's hurt thousands! Do you remember Lor San Tekka? Poe was supposed to meet him to get the map to Luke Skywalker. He's told the story before. I was there too. Kylo Ren murdered Lor San Tekka. In cold blood. He didn't need to. He had gotten all the information he could've. But he just killed him." Finn finally turned to look at her. Rey couldn't take the look on his face. It was a mixture of pity and anger. Rey could see how much Ben angered him. The utter confusion on his face.

  
"Rey, how could you care for a man who has killed his father?"

  
How could she? He was right, about everything. Kylo Ren had terrorised the galaxy for years alongside the First Order. He's killed without mercy, unmatched in the Force. In his anger, Kylo Ren had destroyed everything in his path.

  
And yet, Rey saw a different side of Kylo Ren. The side she called Ben Solo. He was kinder. His hand shook as he reached across light-years to touch her hand. He killed his master to save them both. He didn't try to return to the First Order. He promised to never return. Rey thought back to all of their interactions between them. Did Ben ever lie? Never. She can't think of a single interaction where he didn't say the truth.

  
Ben was a different person than Kylo Ren, Rey thought. Even after all this time, she still believed she could coax Ben Solo out of his shell called Kylo Ren.

  
"It's different, Finn. I think that inside Kylo Ren is a scared man named Ben Solo. He could help us. He helped me defeat Snoke. I couldn't leave him there to die," Rey said, still glancing towards the river.

  
"Yes, you could've left him there to die. The galaxy wouldn't have missed him," Finn said, deadpan. The galaxy wouldn't have missed him.

  
"I would've," Rey replied. "I would've missed him." Finn finally turned to Rey, and she saw the horror on his face. And yet, it didn't make her stomach curl. She did care for Ben. It might've been a mistake. It might've been the best decision of her life. But all Rey knew was that she couldn't have let him die on the Supremacy. She can't let him die.

  
"That's a mistake, Rey," Finn responded, and Rey turned to face him as well.

  
"Perhaps."

 

* * *

 

 Rey walked down the halls of the base, feeling every eye on her. She pushed down the need to grasp her lightsaber, instead choosing to ignore the eyes on her. She knew why they were staring. She had a fugitive in her ship. She sheltered Kylo Ren. And yet, she saved them from the First Order. Rey could feel the tendrils of emotions in the Force, swirling around all the Resistance when she walked by.

  
Rey entered the mess hall, pausing just past the door. The entire mess hall froze as they trained their eyes on her. Rey saw the table that she sat at. Poe was nowhere to be seen, and Finn was gone. The only person that sat there was Rose, picking at her food.

  
Rey grabbed a tray and filled it up, refusing to meet anybody's eyes. A mantra repeated in her head. _You can do this. You survived Jakku. You can survive this._

  
Rey sat across from Rose, who perked up at the sound of a tray being gently placed on the table. But unlike Finn, she did not squirm away. Unlike Poe, she did not erase the emotions from her face. Rose just stared as Rey lowered herself into her seat.

  
The two women stared at each other for a bit, until Rose suddenly stood up, holding her tray. Rey felt desperate. Not you too, she was thinking. _Please don't abandon me too._

  
"Follow me," Rose whispered, and Rey stood up with her tray, following as Rose dumped her tray down the trash. Rey thought that it was good there was no food on the tray. You could take the scavenger out of Jakku but you couldn't take the Jakku out of the scavenger.

  
They weaved through hallways until finally arriving at a singular room. Rose opened it, and they walked in. There were engineering manuals and parts bundled together in a small corner. The rest of the room was immaculate except for the messy bed. Rose pulled two chairs together so they faced each other, then sat in one.

  
"Sit down," Rose said, and Rey could hear the friendly tone of her voice. She almost laughed in relief. Rey sat down, bringing her legs up in a criss-cross as she balanced the tray on her lap.

  
"Are you okay?" Rose asked, and the question was so genuine Rey felt like she was going to burst into tears.

  
"Yes. I'm okay. I'm okay," Rey said, repeating the last sentence. She was okay. She was worried sick, wondering whether Ben was going to survive. She was worried that she's alienated her friends by keeping Ben a secret. But she'll get through this. Rey always has.

  
"Do you want to tell me the story? The full story, bu the way. I won't interrupt," Rose offered, and Rey felt relief spread through her. It was like a weight lifted.

  
So Rey told the story. Of how Ben had been stabbed in the abdomen, Rey dragging him back to the Falcon. How he fell into a coma after his head injury, and how Rey had to take care of him. How Rey spent weeks keeping him alive, barely saying a word for fear of letting her secret slip. How they got onto the first base and Rey finally was able to tell someone. How he woke up, gradually but surely. How happy Rey had felt. Then his stab wound had gotten infected, and Rey spent days in constant fear of Ben dying. How he recovered with the help of the Force. How Rey rushed Ben onto the Falcon, spending the first week daydreaming of him. How she spent the second week destroyed, a shell of herself as her entire world was shattered with the revelation that Ben was not on her side, that he knew the truth about her parents and she had to face it. Her parents were nobody, but Rey had done more than they ever wished for her. And she would continue to grow better, grow stronger.

  
Rey told Rose how she spent the next couple of weeks picking up the pieces of herself. But eventually, she learned to grow back. And she cut her ties with Ben. Until he showed up, the Force tying them together again. And Rey learned to look past the broken man on the surface. Rey told Rose everything.

  
And Rose listened to it all.

  
"He sounds like he's more than we thought," Rose said. Rey sighed in relief. She didn't yell at her, accusing her of betraying the Resistance. Rey felt herself grow a little closer to Rose.

  
"Do you love him?" Rose asked. Rey felt shocked, her heart pummelling inside her. Love? Did she love Ben Solo? Rey wasn't sure. She cared for him. She wanted him to live. What was love? She didn't have an example of love. All she had was faded memories of lost parents. Being alone on Jakku didn't leave many instances of love. Sure, there had been flings. Tiny moments in her teenage days where she found another scavenger boy as desperate as she was. But they never lasted. After all, on Jakku it was everyone for themselves.

  
Did Rey know what love was? No. But did she know that she cared for Ben? She wanted so much for him. But she didn't hold any expectations.

  
"I don't know," Rey said.

  
"That's okay," Rose replied. Rey smiled.

 

* * *

 

 Rey collapsed into her bed, letting the day's worries slide off of her. Rey breathed out deeply, relaxing. She stared at the ceiling, wrapping her hands behind her head. There was nothing but darkness surrounding her. She closed her eyes, trying to fall asleep. But the image of Ben, broken and bloodied and sleeping on the hard floor of his cell flashed in her mind. Rey opened her eyes, her body suddenly tensing.

  
Rey was desperate. She couldn't run to Leia, to Chewie. She couldn't implicate them. So instead she sat up in her bed, her eyes already adjusted to the darkness.

  
Rey slid onto the floor and went onto her knees. She tried to think of someone who she wanted to talk to, someone who's advice would help her.

  
"Han," Rey whispered in the darkness. He would never answer. But Han Solo was the closest thing to a father she would ever have. Even if she talked to his ghost, she knew she would feel better.

  
"Han. I've destroyed everything. I was reckless. And now your son is imprisoned. He's going to die. All because I let myself grow attached. I should've just sent him away. But how could I, Han? I can't leave him. Not now. I don't think I want to," Rey glanced forward, suddenly coming to a realisation.

  
"I don't think I want to leave him. I don't think I'll ever want to leave him." Rey's eyes dropped to the floor.

  
Han Solo didn't say a word. Han Solo was dead. Killed by Kylo Ren. But Rey thought that maybe he would've encouraged her. She hoped he would've encouraged her.

  
"Ben. I'm coming for you," Rey said aloud. She knew it was true. She would start to devise a plan to break Ben out. She couldn't let him rot in the cells. She would do anything to help him.

  
Rey crawled back into her bed, already thinking of ways she could help him escape. She wouldn't go with him. She had a duty. A promise she made to herself. She cared too much about the Resistance to abandon them. But she would set him free.

 

* * *

 

 Rey woke up to alarms. She shot out of bed, pulling on her woven tunic and boots. Her tassels flew behind her as she rushed to the command centre. Poe eyed Rey, his body hunched over as he gripped the console. Leia stood across from him, a slight smile on her face.

  
"What is it? What happened?" Rey asked, her heart pounding. Poe breathed out, giving Rey a look.

  
"Kylo Ren has escaped."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT ENDING HUH? Where has Ben gone? Monday's chapter will be a bit short, but I promise that next Thursday's chapter will make up for it!
> 
> Thank you to my sister! Her constant support helps a lot. Without her, I wouldn't still be uploading.
> 
> THANK YOU, READERS!! I can't believe we've passed over 1000 hits! I never would've imagined this happening! It's really a dream come true!
> 
> Make sure to check out my Tumblr page! it's at "auds-writing"


	13. Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey examines her relationship with Ben.

"Escaped?" Rey asked, astonished. When? How? Questions flew through her mind. Rey had only thought of the idea last night. No way did he escape on his own. Rey remembered how he was barely able to walk by himself.

  
"That's what I want to know. You're not allowed to be here," Poe said, monotone. Rey still hadn't talked to him, hadn't tried to reconcile their relationship. It seemed like his opinion of her diminished with every event that passed by.

  
"I didn't do anything!" Rey protested, and Poe sighed.

  
"I know," Poe said. What? How did he know? Rey raised an eyebrow, but Poe didn't offer any explanation. So Rey assumed the worst.

  
"You're spying on me?" Rey pointed a finger at Poe, and he just glared at her.

  
"You were harbouring an enemy of the Resistance. I had to know whether you were still trustworthy," Poe replied nonchalantly. But Rey's stomach boiled. That was a breach of privacy.

  
"How dare you! That is a breach of my trust. I can't—" Rey started, but Poe turned on her, his expression betraying his anger with her.

  
"It was a breach of my trust when you decided that harbouring a fugitive was okay. When you brought an enemy onboard the base. In fact, you can't be here. The only reason you're not in a jail cell is that I know you didn't help Kylo Ren escape. So while you..." Poe's voice suddenly faded away. Rey heard her own breathing, and her stomach flipped. Poe's mouth formed the words he was saying, but there was no sound. Rey felt the Force humming as Ben appeared to the left of Poe, sitting in midair, his hands gripping something. Rey's eyebrows shot up on her forehead as she started to panic.

  
Ben was facing away from her, but his body suddenly tensed. He turned his head and met Rey's eyes. The Force suddenly sparked, and Rey felt the connection between them strengthen.

  
Poe threw his hands up in the air and turned back towards the console, ignoring Rey. But Rey wasn't concentrating on Poe. She wasn't concentrating on Leia, who had looked up from the console to give her a weird look. All Rey saw was Ben, his hands gripping the console of a ship. Ben stared at Rey, his eyes determined. She couldn't ask him anything. Ben reached down and pressed something, and suddenly his entire body turned to face her.

  
Once again, Rey felt their relationship was changed. After the Supremacy, they were caretaker and patient. Then Ben had woken up, and their relationship became like it was on Ahch-To. But then they escaped the First Order, and Ben had shattered her world. She became angry. At herself, for believing in him. At him, for not realising the opportunity in front of him. And so, they became enemies again. But there was a sort of twist. Something else in their relationship. Something that let Rey sleep in Ben's arms every night, as though they weren't on opposite sides.

  
Maybe it was that something that drove Rey to kiss him. Now, Ben was staring at Rey with that same something in his eyes.

  
"Rey," Ben said, and Rey quickly glanced around. Nobody seemed to be able to hear him. She sighed in relief. Rey tried to send all she wanted to say through her eyes. _Where did you go? How did you escape? Are you going to break your promise?_

  
Ben didn't say anything else. He bent down and turned his chair back towards where it was in the first place. Rey prayed and prayed that the Force would close the bond.

And it did. The sounds of the command centre reverberated through Rey's ears. Leia looked up and gave her a look.

  
Rey couldn't quite read it, but for some reason, it reminded her of Ben.

 

* * *

 

 "Where are you going?" Rey asked. Ben turned around in the bed so he faced her. Rey couldn't see his expression in the darkness.

  
"I can't tell you," Ben said. Rey's stomach tightened as she took in his words. He was facing her, and if Rey moved just a bit forward their noses would brush. Was he going back to the First Order? Was he betraying her, again?

  
"Are you going to the First Order?" Rey asked frankly. Rey saw his dark shape move slightly as he chuckled. It was humourless.

  
"No. I made a promise, didn't I?" Ben said, no emotion in his voice. Rey closed her eyes. Was Ben truly lost? His actions seemed to say so. Refusing to help her, escaping the Resistance, it all pointed towards the darkness.

  
The only thing Rey couldn't figure out was his feelings with her. If he was truly a Sith, truly dark, wouldn't he kill her? He had asked her to rule the galaxy with him, to join his side. And she had refused. She was the enemy. The direct opposition. The general consensus with enemies was that if they didn't join you, then they die. Yet Rey survived. Ben laid next to her in the night.

  
Was Ben truly evil? Rey didn't know.

  
"Are you evil?" Rey murmured, already drifting off to sleep. Before she fell asleep, Rey caught Ben's answer.

  
"I don't know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter is short. But I promise Thursday's chapter will be worth the wait.
> 
> Thank you to my sister, who made up an entire song about Chewie. It's quite impressive.
> 
> THANK YOU, GUYS! Every single comment, kudos, and bookmark really helps! I know I've been lacking a bit when it comes to replying to comments, but your commenting still helps!
> 
> remember to check out my Tumblr: auds-writing


	14. Identity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We switch gears as Ben Solo/Kylo Ren finds his identity and his place in the galaxy.

A rusty, broken down ship entered the atmosphere of the planet with no name. The Force hummed as the alien, man-made object collided with the planet of the Force's making. There haven't been any aliens on this planet for many years. The planet buzzed as the foreign entity landed.

  
Inside the ship, a human male leaned back in his seat as the landing sequence completed. The ship's console beeped as it informed the pilot that they had landed. The pilot gripped the sides of his chair as he raised himself to his feet. He took slow steps as he made his way to the ramp. The pack he had prepared on his way here rested comfortably on the floor. The pilot grunted in pain as he bent down, hoisting the pack onto his shoulders. He slammed his hand on a button, and the ramp slowly lowered.  
The sounds of the Force's planet buzzed in the man's ears. He adjusted his tunic as he took one step after the other, finally touching the planet's surface.

  
The planet seemed to be rebelling against the metal, as small vines made their way across the air to the ship. The vines curled around the ship as a sinkhole emerged underneath the ship. The man whipped around to see his mode of transportation fall into the ground. He backed up, slightly afraid of falling into the deep abyss. But the ground reset, and the surface was smooth once more. The man peered at the spot where his ship once was. But the man trusted in the Force, trusted it to return the ship to him once he had gotten what he came for.

  
The man painstakingly started his walk into the jungle, his legs shaking as they struggled to support his weight. He cursed softly, still angry at himself. His former master would throw him aside if he saw this weakness. Fortunately, his master was dead.

  
The man felt the Force flowing through the planet. This planet was the strongest conduit of the Force he had ever seen. Even the wildlife here seemed to be thriving. He marvelled at the power this planet excluded.

  
This was why he was here, after all. He craved the power this planet could give him.

  
He remembered that as a boy he would enter the small collection of books and artefacts. His uncle saw him observing a large book.

  
"That's the planet of the Force," his uncle said. He had jumped at the sound.

  
"What?" he had replied, lost in thought. His uncle had chuckled.

  
"The planet of the Force. The largest conduit of the Force ever seen. In the days of the Jedi Order, only the most sacred of duties were performed there. There are many rumours that surround that planet." The boy had hummed thoughtfully as he glanced at the pages, then back at his uncle.

  
Now, the man opened the book he had scavenged from the ashes of the Jedi temple he had once trained at. Scavenged. Scavenger.

  
As the man traversed through the jungle, he thought of everything he had left behind. There was only one good thing about being on that legacy of a ship he had been stuck on for months.

  
Her. The woman of the light. She had reached her hand down and taken him away from his life. The darkness that he had been boiling in for so long. She plucked him out of his life and took him along with her.

  
But he wasn't of the light. He couldn't be. He didn't know how to. He wasn't of the light.

  
The day passed by quickly as he walked, and soon night fell on the planet of the Force. The stars shined above him as he set up camp. He pitched up the tent and gathered nearby firewood. The backpack slid off his shoulders as he collapsed to the floor, sighing as his feet finally found relief.

  
As he caught his breath for a moment, he saw as dozens of bugs flew past him. They seemed like they were on fire, and they shined with a bright light. It was an amazing moment, and for a moment he forgot his troubles as he gaped at the sight before him.

  
The firebugs gathered into a small circle, becoming a great fire. They gently floated down, and the man scooted back in fear of getting burned. The firebugs rested on the wood, setting it alight. The man watched as the bugs floated into the stars.

  
He scooted back towards the now-crackling fire. A slight smile grew onto his face as he was enveloped with the feeling of peace. With the Force swirling through the planet, he didn't feel as alone. He almost didn't feel alone.

  
Almost.

  
For once, he wanted the bond the Force made to come to life. The bond was somehow blocked while he was here. He suspected it was because of the Force's power here. Falling asleep in her arms was the only way he didn't have nightmares.

  
Nightmares about his father, plummeting off the bridge into the vast nothing. Nightmares of a voice whispering in his head about power as he cut off all ties to his previous life.

  
But when he saw her, the nightmares diminished. When she curled her hands in his dark hair, when she dared to touch his skin, that's when he felt the safest. When he felt the most vulnerable.

  
He hated it. The path to the dark side left no room for vulnerability. It only left room for pain.

  
And he's had plenty of pain.

  
As the fire crackled and burned, the Jedi Killer retreated to his tent.

  
Alone.

 

* * *

 

 For days he followed the same routine. He would wake up, pack his bag, and travel forward. He would travel until nightfall. Then, he would set up the tent and fall asleep.

  
His bodily functions ceased. He didn't feel the need to eat. It was as if the Force sustained him, keeping him alive until he could reach his goal. He only stopped to rest his weary body.

  
While he travelled, he thought. His mind drifted in so many different directions. Mostly to the darkness. His boiling emotions rose to a heated point during the days in the jungle.

  
He laid in his tent, his eyes closed. No matter what he did, sleep eluded him. It had been a particularly difficult trek through the jungle; his legs had been pushed to their breaking point. Now he laid down, his body shaking from the efforts of the day. He felt close to collapse, yet he was unable to rest.

  
It was excruciating.

  
The whispers of the Force filled his ears. It whispered of power, of commanding it. And yet, there was a quiet voice that reminded him of his overwhelming guilt, of the promises he's broken and the life he could've had.

  
The voice spoke of the light. It spoke of her, of his father, of his mother. Of his uncle. It was the worst pain imaginable. Worse than when he cracked his head against the Supremacy's floor. Worse than when the Praetorian Guard's weapon lodged itself in his abdomen. It was worse because he could not black out into bliss.

  
He sat up, pulling himself out of the tent to stand in front of the fire. He hesitated as the fire flared. Warmth spread across his face. He stared into the open flame, feeling the ghost of a palm resting against his right cheek. He staggered backwards, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Han Solo's last exchange echoed in his head.

  
_"I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain." And it was true. He had been torn between light and darkness. The light called to him, begging him to do what was right. He was in a constant battle for his own soul._

  
_"I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I had to strength to do it. Will you help me?" His voice was pained and vulnerable. Han Solo's eyes were filled with hope. His own eyes were filled with tears._

  
_"Yes. Anything." The Jedi Killer's words were the truth. He did know what he had to do. And Han Solo's last words solidified his son's place in the Force._

  
_Two hands grasped the lightsaber. The lightsaber that has seen two sides of Ben Solo. The light and the darkness. The sunbeam that illuminated their faces vanished, and he was filled with purpose. He turned the lightsaber on his own father and ignited it._

  
_Han Solo gasped in surprise and pain. He stared at his son as he reached upwards. Han Solo's hand rested on his son's cheek as he fell into the vast cavern._

  
_He was supposed to be filled with purpose. With a sense of right. This was supposed to feel right. But he is immediately filled with shame. With regret. Turn back time! Go with your father! And yet, his father is dead. The sentence filled his heart with regret. With sadness._

  
He revisited every second of that last exchange with his father. He felt every single emotion he had felt then. And it broke him.

  
Tears fell down his cheeks as he grasped at the ghost of his father's hand on his cheek. The fire crackled in front of him.

  
"Why does the light still call to me?" he whispered to the air. His father's ghost disappeared as a different ghost grasped his hand. A different ghost gently brushed their fingertips against his as they shared an irrefutable moment.

" _You're not alone,_ " he had said.

  
" _Neither are you,_ " she had said back.

  
And once again the light called to him.

  
The light. He had once thought of the Force as all-powerful. Then he thought to control that power. To take revenge against all who had wronged him. He had the Force as his puppet.

  
But here, on this jungle planet, he felt like the Force had him tied on strings. He was the Force's instrument. He had no control over it here.

  
His uncle had warned him of the Force's power on this planet. _"Everything was so much more potent on this planet,"_ his uncle had said. _"Be careful of the power of the Force."_

  
He hadn't heeded the warnings. And yet, he could not turn back. He could not walk away from this planet. He needed this planet. And it seemed to know it.

  
"I don't need the light!" he yelled at the flames. The flames did not answer. He tried to storm into the tent, but his legs buckled underneath him and he fell onto the cot. He curled up into a ball, holding his healing stab wound as his other hand rested on his cheek. The same cheek that housed his scar. Ghostly arms wrapped around him, reminding him of a young woman who cradled him as they fell asleep.

  
"I don't need the light," he whispered as he finally was able to rest his eyes.

  
He fell asleep with nobody. He fell asleep alone.

 

* * *

 

 He finally made it. He sucked in a breath as he saw the pool of clear liquid. It was a bright turquoise, with green moss on the bottom, surrounded by life. It seemed to glow in the sunset.

  
He dropped his backpack, rushing towards the water. He refused to fall, no matter how much his body pulled him towards collapse. He hopped on his feet as he pulled his tunic over his head, stopping only to prop himself against the pool. He pulled his clothes off, hesitating as he stood inches from the pool. Fog curled around the pool, and he glanced around.

  
The high walls blocked the pool off from the rest of the jungle. The fog seemed to fall off the ledges to land in the pool. It was surrounded by life. Moss covered some of the rock, and the sun shined directly onto the pool.

  
He dipped his toe into the pool. The water was just the right temperature, and his toe immediately felt smoother and more relaxed. He took a step into the pool, eventually letting the waters lap around his waist.

  
His legs felt like they were strengthening. The muscles felt stronger like he used to feel. He hesitated only a second before sinking his entire body into the pool, diving underwater.

  
He took in a deep breath. It was the cleanest, purest breath of air he's taken in years. Somehow, he was breathing underwater.

  
He broke the surface of the water, running his hair through his fingers. His stab wound's healing seemed to be accelerated exponentially. It was the most healthy he's felt in years.

  
The pool of healing did its work. Now it was time to test it.

  
He stepped out of the pool, water dripping from his body. He took a tentative step forward. His muscles were stronger. He took another step. The leg did not buckle. He sighed in relief as he started to walk around the pool. Joy slowly overtook him until he was laughing as he ran around the pool. He was healthy again. He was able to run again.

  
He calmed down near his pack. He pulled his clothes back on and grabbed his pack, pulling it onto his shoulders. He started to jog, grateful to be able to jog once again. He started to sprint, feeling the wind in his hair as he rushed back towards his ship.

 

* * *

 

It took half the time to make it back to the clearing where he landed. When he arrived, the ship was still sunken into the ground. There was nothing there.

"I did what I came here to do," he said aloud, voicing his thoughts. "Why have you not returned what is mine?" The planet didn't answer. Did he really expect it to?

No. He didn't. But the planet was alive. It overflowed with the Force. He just had to figure out what the Force was saying to him.

  
He set up camp in the clearing, careful to avoid where the hole had opened up. Since it was still daytime, he had forgone the fire. The temperature in the jungle was surprisingly pleasant.

  
What did the Force want from him? What was the planet trying to tell him? The Force had been whispering in his ear since he arrived on this planet, and he needed to know what it was saying if he was to ever leave it.

  
He sat down, crossing his legs in front of him. Resting his hands on his knees, he closed his eyes. Meditating had never worked as it meant to for him. He could never quiet his mind as much as he needed too. He remembered one time, where he opened his eyes in mid-meditation to find all the objects in the room floating, his fellow padawans staring in fear. His uncle had stared in fear too. His family had stared in fear.

  
He blocked the memory from his mind, trying to concentrate on the task ahead. Force meditation required a clear mind. He could never quite clear his mind all the way. There was always his master, whispering in his head.

  
This time, there was the Force whispering in his head. But it sounded far away, intelligible. He tried to concentrate, tried to focus on the voices. And finally, he heard them.

  
The voices faded away, and he opened his eyes, frustrated. That frustration faded as well because in front of him were the ghosts of a man and a woman. He watched in awe as the man and woman started to swing to music. But there was no sound, just them. They twirled around as they danced a slow dance.

  
The man's radiation-bleached hair fell down to his shoulders, and as the couple turned, he saw that the man had a scar on the edge of his right eyebrow. His clothes were similar to a Jedi's, yet darker. Shock coursed through him as he realised he was looking at his grandfather.

  
Then the woman must be his grandmother. She had on a simple blue gown, her hair cascading down her back. It looked as if she had flowers in her hair. His grandmother and grandfather smiled as they danced together, swaying to the invisible music.

  
He fell to his knees, tears slipping down his face as he watched his grandparents' ghosts. Was this what the Force was telling him? Their story ended tragically, but they truly loved each other, from the looks of it. Was the Force telling him that he should not follow the same path?

  
Darth Vader. The man he worshipped, praised. The epitome of the dark side of the Force. This vision showed him that Darth Vader was not always pure evil. That, once upon a time, the light side called to him too.

  
The vision faded away, and he bent his head. He knew what the Force was trying to tell him. But he wasn't sure he had the strength to follow it. Once again, he was torn apart. But this time, there was no Snoke, commanding him to complete his orders. There was no Han Solo that tried to pull him out of the dark. There was no Rey to plead with him as he told her the truth she had denied herself for so long.

  
It was him and the Force. And the Force was winning.

  
He thought back to his escape. _The pain as the cuffs scratched at his wrists and ankles. The rags that were too small for him. The desperate attempts to stop the bleeding from his wound, pulsing with blood and pain._

  
_Then the door had opened. And for a second he had thought it was Rey._

  
_But it was his mother. Leia Organa stood above him, and he thought he was going to die. His mother would take him to his execution spot. His mother would lower him into his grave._

  
_Instead, she had whispered to him, "Hurry, we haven't got much time." She had explained how she scrubbed the cameras, and how he was going to escape. She had given him his clothes and lightsaber while doing so. He had been shocked. Why was his mother helping him? When he asked her that as she helped him out of his cuffs, her reply had been startling._

  
_"Because you are my son. And, like it or not, I love you."_

  
_He had hobbled to the ship she had prepared for him in the midst of the night. And for a moment, he looked back at her. Once again he was torn between two choices. But he was always weaker with his mother than with his father. So he ran back towards her and fell into a hug. She had held him as they embraced, letting out all their emotions. Then he had torn himself away from her and escaped onto the ship._

  
"Mother," he whispered to the planet. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I love you too." He glanced upwards towards the clear skies. The Force whispered in his ear. There were no words this time, just a feeling.

  
He was resolved. He knew what he was now. He knew his side. These visions, this planet had shown him his place in the galaxy. Where he was meant to be. The planet had shown him that he could let go of his past. His future was not already written in stone. For so long he had believed his path was already laid in front of him. That all he had to do was follow it. He had been told so many times what he was going to be that he never had a chance to say no. He never had a chance to decide his own fate. That was what Rey was trying to tell him. That is why his mother helped him escape. He needed to find himself, away from the people who would try to steer him in the direction they wanted him to go. The Resistance would steer him towards the dark side. They would execute him as a traitor. Rey, even if it was unintentionally, had tried to steer him towards the light. She had thought that he could not be good without being a Jedi. But his mother had known the truth. She had sent him here, knowing that he'd find his place.

  
He suddenly felt immense relief. It flooded him, overwhelming him. After twenty-nine long years of life, he finally knew who he was.

  
He was Ben Solo. He was Kylo Ren. He was light. He was dark. He was himself.

  
As he came to this conclusion, his ship suddenly burst from the ground. It settled beside him, and his mouth quirked upwards at the sight of the ship.

  
It was time to leave the planet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After writing chapter twelve and eleven, I was lost as to where else I needed to go. Finally, I decided to do a chapter on Ben. I knew that he needed to get himself together before he could fully be with Rey. So I wrote this. It was one of the easiest chapters I have ever written. Also, it's one of the longest I've ever written. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. And don't worry! We'll get back to Rey on Monday!
> 
> Thank you to my sister, who helped me plan this entire chapter. Without her, I would still be up to my knees in writer's block.
> 
> THANK YOU, GUYS! Your support means the world to me. We're so close to 100 kudos, and I've never been more excited for a fic like this!
> 
> Remember: my Tumblr is "auds-writing". Go check it out if ya want to!


	15. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben reunite after his redemption. The Resistance attacks a First Order base.

Rey laid in her bed, shifting left and right. It had been days since Ben had disappeared. Rey was somewhat still under scrutiny, but the vast majority of the Resistance believed that she had nothing to do with Ben's escape. The investigation had led nowhere; all the leads had ended up dead.

  
Rey kept to her room most of the time, reading the Jedi texts and practising with her lightsaber. She no longer had a place at the table in the mess hall. Finn looked at her like she had betrayed him. Poe looked at her with no emotion at all.

  
Rose was the only one who seemed to understand what she was going through. Rey thanked the Force that Rose understood.

  
But Rey still felt alone.

  
Rey sat up in her bed, pulling her knees towards her. She wrapped her arms around her shins as she took a deep breath. She was starting to reach her breaking point. Rey cared deeply for the Resistance, for the cause, but she was growing closer and closer to taking the Falcon and flying into the stars.

  
If only she had left Ben on the Supremacy. Then she wouldn't have hidden him. Poe and Finn wouldn't have found him. She wouldn't be a traitor.

  
That's what they thought of her as. A traitor. And she was a traitor.

  
Rey glanced towards the centre of the room, lost in thought. Suddenly, she felt the bond open with a fury. Ben stood in the middle of the room, facing the door. Rey's entire body froze as he turned towards her.

  
There was something different in his demeanour. He seemed to hold himself in a different way. When Rey first saw him he was confident in his ability, confident in the dark side. But as their interactions grew, so did her uncertainty in this preliminary observation. After, Rey saw him as a struggling man. A man who struggled with his own soul. He was, in his own words, torn apart.

  
But now, he seemed the confident man she had first observed him as. His broken soul was bandaged, healing. It was no longer the oozing wound it had been before. Wherever he went, Rey knew that Ben had somehow found himself.

  
And he was lighter. Rey could sense that he was no longer fighting the light side of the Force. Instead, it has woven into his soul, creating a miraculous balance of light and dark within him. The dark was still there, but the light tempered it, kept it cool. Rey knew that Ben had finally reached his full potential.

  
Ben's eyes watched her as she slipped out of her bed, stepping towards him. Rey glanced down at his legs. They weren't shaking with the effort of supporting his weight. Somehow, he had fixed his broken body as well as his soul.

  
"Rey," Ben said, and she turned her gaze towards him. His eyes were softer, full of emotion. Rey hesitated, her lips parting as she waited for him to do something. He slowly got down to his knees, keeping his gaze trained on Rey. It was an invitation. He was giving up control. Rey didn't know what to do, at first. Then she knew exactly what to do.

Rey stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him as he leaned into her stomach. They stayed there for a while, letting out all of their feelings without saying a single word.

  
Rey and Ben pulled away at the same time. The older man got to his feet, and Rey felt a flush of embarrassment flow through her. What was she to do? Was it okay to care for Ben, now that he was balanced?

  
"I'm going to take down the First Order," Ben said, and Rey felt immense relief flood through her. He finally confirmed what she had been feeling since the bond connected them this night. He was on their side. He was no longer the enemy.

  
"Really?" Rey asked, her voice choking up. Ben nodded, and Rey gasped in relief. She stopped thinking and just acted.

  
Rey quickly wrapped her hand behind Ben's neck and pulled him towards her. He gasped as she reached up to touch her lips to his. Ben stood still for a second, and Rey wondered if this was a mistake. But then he wrapped his arms around her, and they both melted into the kiss. Rey reached up with her other hand and entwined them together.

  
Ben felt so real, so absolute in her arms. She smiled as she melted against him, and he seemed to do the same. It certainly didn't feel like they were lightyears apart. It felt like he was right in front of her.

  
Rey pulled away, leaning her forehead against Ben's as she processed what was happening. Rey's brain protested against her actions. Rey knew that she had no time for romance. Especially not with Ben, who was on the run from the First Order and the Resistance. But Rey didn't listen to that voice. To the logical part of her brain.

  
Rey breathed deeply, pulling away slightly to glance at Ben. He looked shaken by the very movement. His eyes were wide with shock, and yet Rey could see the love pouring out of them. She smiled slightly.

  
"Are you coming back?" Rey asked, pulling even farther away so she could see Ben. His hair fell into his eyes as he glanced at her. Rey reached up and brushed his hair out of the way. His eyes clouded over.

  
"No," he responded. Rey's hands rested on his shoulders. She didn't expect him to. Not after what happened. It was a good thing, she supposed. But she still wondered how he would defeat the First Order without the Resistance. Did he even have his lightsaber? Rey glanced down to see that he did. Who gave that back to him?

  
"How did you escape?" Rey wondered aloud. Ben's mouth quirked upwards as he remembered the memory.

  
"My mother. She helped me escape. Somehow, she knew that I would turn." Ben leaned forward, his forehead touching Rey's. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply. Rey got the impression that he didn't want to talk anymore. Rey pulled away, sliding her hand down until she entwined it with his. Rey walked towards her bed, and Ben followed without saying a word. She could sense his apprehension in the Force, but he let her lead the way.

  
Rey stepped out of her clothes until she was wearing her undershirt and pants. She pulled the covers away and laid on top of the bed. Rey scooted until she was closest to the wall, allowing room for Ben to lay next to her. He seemed to read her mind; he curled up next to her on the bed. As always, he scooted down so that his head was against her back. He wrapped his arms around her, resting them on her hips. Rey closed her eyes, revelling in the feeling.

  
Rey fell asleep in Ben's arms.

 

* * *

 

 Rey woke up to cold. She shivered as she opened her eyes, half-expecting Ben's body to be wrapped around hers. But there was nothing, just the imprint of his shape in the sheets.

  
A beeping filled the room, and Rey murmured as she reached out towards the beeping. She glanced at the comm's message. It was surprising, but not unexpected.

  
Rey slipped out of bed, changing out of her nightclothes before leaving her room. She wandered the halls in a trance. Was last night a dream? She couldn't believe it.

  
Ben Solo had turned. Not in the way Rey expected, but it still happened. He might've still had dark inside him, but it no longer controlled him. Rey finally allowed herself to wonder what life would be like with Ben at her side. She smiled as she thought about exploring the galaxy with Ben at her side.

  
Rey brought herself out of her thoughts, finally wandering towards the command centre. Rey turned her face to stone as she walked into the command centre.

  
Rey spotted Leia first, who smiled at her with the usual twinkle in her eye. Rey gave her a secretive smile, then turned to the other three people in the room.

  
Poe looked awful. He glanced around wildly, dark circles under his eyes. Rey assumed he hadn't gotten any sleep since Ben had escaped. A pang of guilt echoed through her, but then she remembered the monstrous treatment of Ben while he was jailed, and the guilt melted away. Rey suspected that the bond between herself and Poe would never truly heal. It would never be like it was during the few weeks after they arrived at this base.

  
Finn looked better. He stood strong as he talked with Rose, a determined look in his eyes. Rey wondered to herself if their bond would ever heal. Finn had been her first friend. Her best friend. He had helped her leave Jakku and moved her into a new life. A better life. Rey would forever be grateful that she and Finn met. He would always be her friend.

  
Rose stood over the map, pointing at this and that. Rey smiled when she saw Rose. The two of them had grown close over the weeks. Rose had been the only girl her age, the only girl who seemed to understand her. When the entire base thought Rey had betrayed them, Rose had been the only one who asked about Rey's side of the story. Rey admired that about her.

  
Rey walked up to the circular map, and the other three people glanced up at her. Poe scowled, but a sharp glance from Rose turned his frown into a thin line.

  
"So," Rey said, "what's the plan?"

 

* * *

 

 Rey gripped her lightsaber in her hands as she and Finn sneaked through the hallways of the First Order's training and weapons facility. If they could get to the command centre, they could shut down the production of the weapons and the training facility. Hopefully, they could find some intelligence as well.

  
The base was empty, and Rey's footsteps were light as they navigated the base. Rey glanced towards the ceiling. How many more minutes until Poe's bombardment? Too little. They had to hurry.

  
Rey waved her hand, and Finn nodded as they turned a corner. A patrol of Stormtroopers passed by, and Rey and Finn ducked into a room to avoid them. They waited with held breaths as the Stormtroopers passed by, then they peeked out of the room. There was no sign of the white uniforms. Rey and Finn breathed a collected sigh, then rushed back into the hallway.

 

The two of them dodged Stormtroopers left and right, weaving in and out of the corridors until they finally reached the command centre.

  
Rey and Finn stood in front of the doors, taking a quick breath while looking at each other.

  
"Ready?" Rey asked. Finn nodded. The two entered the room and found chaos.

  
Blaster bolts darted across the room as Stormtroopers fired to the left. Bodies were lying on the floor. They were all firing at one person.

  
Ben stood on the left, his lightsaber ignited as he blocked blaster bolts. His features were twisted into a pure rage as he held his lightsaber in front of him. He jumped forward, slicing one unlucky Stormtrooper and impaling another. He kept the impaled Stormtrooper on his lightsaber, using the Stormtrooper as a shield between him and the other Stormtroopers. He walked backwards until he reached one console. It seemed like he was protecting it. That's when Rey saw the device plugged into the console. He must've been downloading intelligence.

  
"Kylo Ren..." Finn whispered, shocked. That's when Ben turned towards them. His entire body changed at the sight of her. Gone was the animalistic expressions, the furrowed brows, the fire in his eyes. His eyebrows lifted in surprise as his mouth opened slightly. His eyes widened, staring at Rey. Rey saw him mouth her name before a blaster bolt struck the Stormtrooper he was using as a shield. Ben growled, shoving the Stormtrooper off of his lightsaber. The body slumped to the floor as Ben quickly pulled his lightsaber upwards. The red, crackling blade was a foot from his face as he blocked incoming blaster bolts.

  
The console dinged, and Rey glanced towards it. She could read the screen. _DOWNLOAD COMPLETE_. Ben reached back without looking and yanked the device out of the console. He tossed it towards Rey, and she caught it.

  
"GO!" Ben yelled at her. Finn grabbed Rey's arm and tried to yank her away, but Rey's feet refused to cooperate.

  
"What about you?" she shouted back, and Ben smiled slightly. But then another blaster bolt zoomed by him, and he turned back towards the Stormtroopers.

  
"Get that out of here!" he yelled over his shoulder, and Rey finally regained control of her feet. She ran in the opposite direction, rushing towards the exit.

  
"Did Kylo Ren just give you intelligence?" Finn asked as they ran. Rey almost tripped because of how fast she was going.

  
"Yeah," Rey said back. The two ran out of the base, watching as X-wings suddenly materialised in the sky. Rey was frozen for a second as she watched the ships sail through the sky. Then she remembered the plan.

  
"Ben's still in there!" Rey shouted, rushing back towards the entrance. Finn grabbed her arm and pulled her back, forcing her to stand still.

  
"We have to go!" Finn yelled, pulling Rey towards the small starship they had used to get here. Rey knew she had to leave. But all she could see was Ben, dying as bombs rained from the sky. Ben, whispering her name as his body was engulfed in flames. Her feet stopped moving as her mind was suddenly flooded with a million different images. They all portrayed Ben's death. A tear slipped down her face, but a hand on her arm anchored her to reality.

  
Rey turned tail and ran towards the shuttle. Finn followed as they rushed onboard. Rey slid into the pilot's chair, starting up the launch sequence as fast as she could. She tried desperately to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach.

  
If he died right now, she wouldn't have said goodbye. Rey wouldn't be able to hold him in her arms ever again. She prayed to the Force that Ben escaped. Peering down at the surface, Rey saw a black dot rush into the courtyard, hurrying towards the forest. Somehow, she knew it was Ben.

  
Rey sighed in relief. He escaped. Rey sat back in her seat as she flew the ship back towards the Resistance.

 

* * *

 

 "Kylo Ren... gave you the intelligence?" Poe said, disbelief in every inch of his body. Finn and Rey nodded at the same time.

  
"He did. He distracted the guards so we would have time to escape! He handed me the intelligence," Rey said, leaning forward in her chair. A stern look from Poe crushed the joyful tone of her voice. Finn's eyes were trained to the floor.

  
"Finn?" Poe said, and Finn glanced up. "Is this true?" Finn sighed heavily, as if he couldn't believe what he was going to say.

  
"Yes. It's true," Finn replied. Rey felt butterflies swirl in her stomach. Poe hummed as he leaned back in his seat.

  
"Interesting," Poe said to himself. "That doesn't mean he's good though. Kylo Ren still killed dozens of Resistance members. I don't know what he wants. We can't trust him." Poe glared pointedly at Rey. The joy in her belly slightly diminished, but she didn't say anything to counter it. Rey knew that she couldn't change Poe's vision of who Ben was. All she knew was that Ben was good.

  
"Dismissed," Poe said, and Finn got up. Rey followed him out of the room. He suddenly turned to Rey.

  
"What happened? I thought that Kylo Ren was on the First Order's side?" Finn's voice was filled with desperation. His eyes were wild. Rey could tell he was grasping at straws, trying to find out why Kylo Ren would do this.

  
"He's turned to the light," Rey said. She smiled, thinking of Ben's lips against her own. "He's going to help us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is way too fluffy for me. Do not worry, my friends. There will be angst.
> 
> Thank you to my sister, who has helped me plan this entire thing. Every Monday and Thursday, she always says, "It's upload day!"
> 
> AND THANK YOU, GUYS! Without your support, this would've stopped a long time ago. I know that I sound like a broken record, but it's true. You have all amazed me so much!
> 
> Also, go check out my Tumblr: auds-writing. I don't really know what to put on there, so if you have any suggestions, feel free to comment them!


	16. Doors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a nightmare, Rey delves into Ben's mind.

_Rey pulled away from Ben, gasping for breath. He leaned his forehead against hers as they breathed in unison. She kept her eyes closed, feeling his hands wrapped around her. Rey's hand slid up his back, tangling itself in his hair._

  
_"Ben," Rey whispered. He murmured to himself, his words unintelligible. Rey leaned forward to meet Ben's lips. He kissed her softly. It was passionate without being wild. It was deep and soft, and it was everything she wanted. He was everything she wanted._

  
_Rey started to walk backwards, pulling Ben along with her. He grunted as he took steps forward. Their slow kissing suddenly turned violent, and soon Rey's hands were scrabbling as she frantically pawed at Ben's back. He kept pushing her forward until Rey's back slammed into the bed. Her skin felt on fire, alight with passion. Rey found it harder and harder to breathe normally as Ben's lips trailed down her lips and to her neck._

  
_Rey pulled away slightly, twisting around so Ben was against the bed. He tripped, falling down onto the bed. Rey smiled wickedly as she climbed onto the bed, her thoughts filled with what she could do to Ben._

  
_His mouth parted slightly at the wicked look in her eyes. His eyebrows raised as she climbed onto him. Rey leaned down, her lips trailing down his neck and to his collarbones._

  
_Ben murmured something, and for some reason, Rey's heart stopped with fear. She pulled away, glancing into Ben's eyes. All thought of romance was suspended. His eyes were glancing downwards, and his expression was empty._

  
_"What?" Rey asked, her hands shaking. Ben glanced up at her, and his eyes were filled with fire. His dark brown irises were gone, replaced with yellow eyes with a ring of red around them. They were the eyes of a Sith Lord._

  
_Ben pushed his body upwards, and Rey felt frozen as he bracketed his legs against her body. Rey sat up, resting between his legs. She felt frozen as he sat up, his lips trailing up her neck towards her ear._

  
_"I killed my father," Ben whispered against her skin. Rey's heart thumped loudly, every inch of her refusing to move. She breathed shakily as Ben kissed down her neck and towards her jawline._

  
_Rey's body refused to move as Ben's lips trailed her skin. Her hands started to shake as his words echoed in her head._

  
_"I killed my_ father. _" Rey remembered all of Ben's evil deeds. All of Kylo Ren's evil deeds. Rey's hands slid up to tangle themselves in his hair. She tried to force Ben away from her, but she found that her body wasn't working. Instead, she arched her back as Ben kissed his way back towards her lips._

  
_Rey's right hand tiptoed back towards his chest, and suddenly, she felt something cold and metal in her hand._

  
_Ben gasped, pulling away to meet her gaze. His eyes were filled with the same fear she had felt moments ago. But she wasn't filled with that fear now. Blue light illuminated Ben's face, casting a shadow on his features. Rey glanced down to see that she had impaled Ben on her lightsaber._

  
_"Why did you do this? I'm good, remember?" Ben's voice was cracked, and blood spilt from his lips. Rey found that she couldn't speak, couldn't muster the words to explain away her actions. She couldn't find the words to describe how she was feeling. Tears slipped down her face._

  
_"I'm sorry, Ben," Rey said, her voice barely above a whisper. Blood trickled down Ben's lips as he coughed._

  
_"I loved you," Ben croaked out. "I love you so much. Why did you do this? Why did you send me to my doom?" Rey started to sob, her shoulders shaking as she leaned her forehead against his._

  
_"I'm sorry," she repeated. It was a mantra. The disembodied voices of Poe and Finn swirled in her head. They congratulated her on killing the enemy._

  
_"With this victory," Poe said, "there's no way we can lose."_

  
_"You killed my torturer, Rey," Finn gasped in relief, "how can I ever repay you?"_

  
_"No," Rey said, feeling the life drain from Ben as she leaned against him. Blood dripped onto the sheets as she held Ben in her arms. Rey looked into Ben's eyes one last time, coming to a realisation as his lifeblood soaked the bed._

  
_"I killed my love."_

 

* * *

 

 Rey gasped as she shot upwards in her bed. She reached for Ben, but he wasn't beside her. Her heart raced as she grasped the sheets. She mouthed Ben's name as she pulled herself out of her panicked state. She was okay. She was okay.

  
She slipped her feet out of bed, her toes touching the cold metal floor. She hadn't seen Ben in weeks. Once in a while, she'd get glimpses of him when the Resistance invaded bases. A lock of black hair. A glow of a red lightsaber. She would sigh in relief whenever she saw him. That meant he was okay.

  
The bond didn't open up as much as it used to during the day. Only at night would it open. Rey would wrap her arms around Ben in the middle of the night, feeling his back against her chest. They often fell asleep in each other's arms. They never spoke about what they were doing. Never spoke about what their situation was. Rey refused to define their relationship. She knew of the labels. Boyfriend. Romantic partner. Friend. Enemy. Stranger. Lover. Rey couldn't find one to describe them. They were just Rey and Ben.

  
Rey calmed her erratic heart rate. She tried to ignore the feeling in her stomach. Her mind drifted back to her dream. But not the end. The image flickered through her head. The feeling of Ben's lips against her own. His hand tracing her skin. She shivered involuntarily, then shook herself out of her thoughts. No time to dwell on that. She had work to do.

  
Rey checked the time. It was still too early. But maybe she could get some training done. She grabbed her lightsaber, feeling the cold, metallic hilt in her hand. Red flashed in her vision as she remembered the warm blood dripping down Ben's lips.

  
She had saved him from the Supremacy. She had cared for him, watched as his broken body mended itself. How many times can she watch Ben bleed? Her last words in the dream came to mind.

  
" _I killed my love._ " Could she, if she had to, kill Ben? No, she couldn't. She loved him. Rey dropped the lightsaber, barely hearing it clatter to the floor. Her love. Her love. She loved him. It had taken months for her to realise, but she loved him. She had never known love this strong. Her parents hadn't loved her. They had thrown her away for temporary bliss. The former lovers on Jakku hadn't loved her. They had used her as she had used them. They left eventually.

  
Ben hadn't left. Ben stood by her side. He may be broken, he may be darkened, but he was hers. Rey smiled to herself. He was hers.

  
But their love is complicated. Their love is difficult. They're in the middle of a war. He was on the opposite side. He was the Resistance's enemy.

  
Rey bent down and picked up her lightsaber. She pulled on her clothes as she opened the door, glancing down the corridor. The hallways were barren. Rey started to jog towards the exit.

  
The smells and sounds of the forest invaded her senses as she made her way towards her training spot near the river.

  
Rey stopped near the river, watching the blue water rush past her. She pulled her lightsaber out of her belt, inspecting the hilt. She thumbed the button, and the blue blade shot out of the hilt. It hummed as it glowed, casting a blue light onto its surroundings. This lightsaber would never truly be hers. But what other choice did she have? She had no idea how to build a lightsaber. The Skywalkers' legacy lightsaber was all she had.

  
Rey swung the lightsaber in the air, keeping in mind Ben's teachings. She planted her feet, feeling her gravity shift into a more stable position. Rey took a step forward, swinging the lightsaber in front of her. She held it up so it was perpendicular to her body. Rey thrust the lightsaber forward, puncturing the air. She started to move in a circle, swinging and slicing the air. Her mind seemed to shut off as she practised with the lightsaber.

  
Rey paused, holding the lightsaber in the air. She listened for the sounds of the forest, but they were missing. Only then did she notice the Force swirling through the air. She felt the electricity in her brain that indicated that the bond was open. Rey turned off the lightsaber, searching for Ben.

  
He was standing off to the side, arms crossed as he observed her. There was a slight smile on his face, and his brown eyes twinkled. Rey felt her stomach do flips at the sight of his smile. It was so rare, so precious. Rey smiled as well, stepping closer to Ben.

  
"Hey," she said, clipping her lightsaber back to her belt. Ben uncrossed his arms, leaning against a tree casually.

  
"Lightsaber training?" Ben asked coyly. Rey grinned. But Ben soon dropped the mischevious look in his eyes.

  
"I have intelligence on the First Order," Ben said, pulling out a datachip. Rey went to grab it before remembering that he wasn't actually there. Her hand touched his, and for a moment sparks flew as the Force bonded them over lightyears. But Rey still couldn't grab the data in his hands.

  
"What is it?" Rey asked, crossing her arms. The smile returned to Ben's face, and Rey's stomach flipped again.

  
"I know where Hux is going to be. I know how to defeat the First Order. The main command of the First Order is in a star system on the edge of the Inner Rim. They're building another superweapon," Ben explained. Rey's heart hammered.

  
"Wait, another superweapon? Haven't they learned from the last three times they've tried that?" Rey asked. A smile crept onto Ben's face.

  
"Apparently not. I have the plans, and if we can meet in a neutral location I will hand them over to the Resistance. But I want to be there." Ben's knuckles turned white, and Rey felt the need to take his hand and rub the stress away from his hands. Rey decided to act on her feelings. She inched her hand forward, lightly brushing his fingers. Ben's eyes grew wide, and he jerked his hand away. Hurt echoed through Rey, but she tried to hide it. Their relationship was still uncertain, still budding. But he only placed the datachip down, then returned to her. Rey entwined her hand with his, and she could see the blood rushing to his face. Rey's other hand crawled up Ben's arm and towards his heart. It was beating erratically, faster than usual. Rey smiled slightly.

  
"Ben," Rey started, unsure of whether her request would be answered, "can I enter your mind?" Ben's eyebrows shot up, and Rey feared that she had been too forward. Rey wanted to know Ben, know his faults, know his life. He hadn't told her of his life, and she hadn't told him of hers. But she wanted to know him. She wanted to read his soul.

  
"Yes," Ben replied, after a minute of silence. Rey breathed a sigh of relief. She cupped Ben's cheek, her other hand still entwined with his. Rey closed her eyes, feeling the Force flow between them. She could feel Ben's turmoil. And then she entered his mind.

 

* * *

 

 A dark landscape formed before her. She wandered in the darkness, searching for light. But she couldn't see. The horizon swirled until it formed into a room with two doors. Rey observed the stark room with no decorations. There was a plaque on each door, and Rey approached the first one.

  
"Ben Solo" read the first door. The door was decorative, with ornate carvings and wooden handles. Rey peered at the carving, noticing that it was actually a carving of Ben's face, with dark shading. The font of the plaque was a kind of calligraphy. The door was incredibly artistic. And incredibly beautiful.

  
The second door read "Kylo Ren". It was black, with metal panelling. It was a sculpture of Kylo Ren's mask. It was the complete opposite of Ben Solo's door. The words on the plaque were typed. It was devoid of personality.

  
Rey stepped back, staring at the two doors. She hesitated, not sure which one she wanted to go through first. Then, she stepped forward, holding the wooden handle of the door labelled Ben Solo. Rey twisted the knob and opened the door.

  
A hallway appeared in front of her. It was elaborate, with wide windows and elegant doors. There were signs hanging from the ceiling, each farther and farther down the hallway. But Rey was too far away to read any but the first one. It read "infant". Rey glanced towards the first door, and it opened when she went near it.

  
The sound of a baby crying filled the room. Rey felt the need to go and comfort the baby. The room was filled with baby's toys, along with a changing table and a crib. Rey watched as a man in the room walked towards the crib, his shoulders slumped. He reached down and picked up a baby, with tufts of black hair and pale skin. The man cradled the baby close to his chest as he tried to hum a lullaby, coaxing the baby to fall asleep. Shock coursed through Rey as she realised she was watching Han Solo rock baby Ben asleep. Han moved around the room, bouncing the baby. Finally, the cries stopped as the baby fell asleep. Han Solo breathed a sigh of relief, gently placing the baby back into the crib. Rey stood, frozen, as Han Solo walked out of the room. She dashed to the doorway, peeking into the corridor. But Han Solo was gone. Rey glanced back at the baby, snoring softly.

  
Suddenly, baby Ben's eyes shot open, and he started to cry. Rey frantically glanced around, but this time there was no Han Solo to calm him. Rey hesitantly stepped towards the crib. Ben's cries echoed through the room. Rey picked up the baby, rocking him as she shushed him. Baby Ben gazed at her through his lashes, his brown eyes seeming more intelligent than a baby's. Rey smiled down at him, then put him back down. His cries had ceased, and now Ben was sleeping peacefully. Rey walked back into the corridor, glancing over her shoulder as she closed the door.

  
Rey kept walking down the corridor. She passed each door until she reached the next sign. "Toddler." A door laid ajar, and Rey peeked inside.

  
"Faster, Daddy!" A toddler Ben Solo said, his smile wide. Han Solo laughed as he bounced the baby on his knee.

  
"Faster, you say?" Han Solo chuckled. The toddler nodded his head quickly, and Han bounced his knee, holding onto Ben. The both of them laughed as Ben stuck out his arms like a ship. Han suddenly lifted Ben into the air, zooming around the room. Ben's laughs were pure joy. Rey smiled as she watched the scene unfold. She closed the door behind her, letting the memory lie.

  
Rey wandered down the hallway again, glancing upwards. She walked until she saw the next sign. "Child." Rey opened the first door she came across.

  
Ben was about nine or ten years old. He was glancing out a window, staring at the passing of ships in the city. There seemed to be nobody around. Ben stared at the wall, a wistful look in his eyes. Rey could sense his emotions. He was an open book; he projected his emotions so strongly. Han Solo and Leia Organa had a fight last night. Ben could tell it was about him. Leia had been concerned about his growing power with the Force. Han had told her not to worry about it. The fight had exploded, and Han had left last night. Rey felt a pang in her chest. Ben's loneliness was so strong. She thought back to one of their conversations.

  
_"I've never felt so alone."_

  
_"You're not alone."_

  
Maybe he knew more about the subject then she realised. Rey closed the door behind her and continued down the corridor. There was a door wide open, almost inviting her in. She could see the sign that said "teenager". It was only a few more steps away. But she was drawn to the open door. So she went through it.

  
Ben's head hanged as he walked forward. Luke Skywalker held his hand as they strode towards Luke's ship. Han Solo and Leia Organa waved from a couple of feet away. But Ben felt the same intense loneliness. He didn't want to train as a Jedi. He wanted to be a pilot like his dad. Rey backed away slowly as she closed the door.

  
Rey went past the "teenager" sign, going straight to the end. The lights in the hallways slowly got dimmer as she continued. Finally, there was a single door at the end of the hallway. It was completely darkened, with only a single light shining on the door. Rey opened it and saw something familiar.

  
Ben was older now, sleeping in a dark hut. He breathed evenly as his chest rose and fell. Rey saw Luke Skywalker enter the hut, a dark look in his eyes. He ignited his lightsaber and held it over his head. Then the dark look fell from his eyes, and Rey could see the shame in his eyes. But it was too late. Ben Solo had seen the entire thing. Rey's vision was filled with darkness as Ben brought the hut down on them.

  
Rey backed out of the room, heart racing. The door slammed, and suddenly a dark wave of energy rushed through the hallway. Fear gripped her as she backed up against the wall, desperate to get away from the wave. The wave engulfed her, and her vision turned to black.

  
Rey opened her eyes to see that she was back in the room with the two doors. She eyed the wooden door carefully, her eyes narrowing. Then, Rey turned to the darker door. Kylo Ren's mask stared into her soul, and she shivered involuntarily as she stepped closer to it. The temperature seemed to drop, and Rey held her arms closer to her chest. She reached out, touching the handle. Rey turned the handle and opened the door.

  
The hallway was very similar to the ones on Starkiller base and the Supremacy. The onyx, metal hallways seemed to loom. This time, there were no hanging signs to represent the stages of life. Instead, there was nothing. Rows and rows of doors seemed to go on forever. Rey opened the first door she saw, and she gasped in horror.

  
Kylo Ren was standing in the dark rain. Thunder boiled around him as he turned his head, his lightsaber ignited. Rey could see that he was still the same age as he had been when Luke Skywalker had invaded his hut. Bodies laid around him, their faces frozen in terror. Rey backed away from the doorway, her hands gripping the door. She shut the door, resting against it while breathing heavily. Suddenly, Rey wanted to turn back. So she did. Rey turned on her heels, racing towards the door with Kylo Ren's mask carved in. She opened the door and shut it behind her, gasping for breath. The doors seemed to taunt her, and Rey closed her eyes.

  

* * *

 

Rey opened her eyes to see that she was back in the forest. Ben had a concerned look on his face, and Rey stepped away from him. His eyebrow raised inquisitively, but she shook her head. Rey thought for a moment. How did she enter his head through the bond?

  
"What did you see?" Ben asked. Rey lifted her eyes to meet Ben's.

  
"Your childhood," Rey answered. A shadow fell over him, and he tore his gaze away from her. The two of them were silent.

  
"So, the intelligence?" Rey broke the silence. Ben nodded enthusiastically, and Rey smiled. This seemed to be the beginning of the end of the war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally don't know where this chapter came from. I was feeling a bit of that accursed writer's block and then I wrote this! I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this, but here it is! Side note: Usually I write the chapters ahead of time (e.g., when I uploaded chapter seven, I was already on chapter eleven) but I finally caught up to myself. Which is bad. OH BOY!
> 
> Thank you to my sister, who said that my writing makes her almost ship Reylo. I walked over to her in my Reylo shirt and she said that she "can't escape the Reylo".
> 
> AND THANK YOU, GUYS! I literally get so excited whenever I see that someone has commented/bookmarked/kudos'd/read this! It's so exciting to have people read my stuff!
> 
> remember to check out my Tumblr: "auds-writing". if you guys have any suggestions as to what to put on there, I'd happily consider them!
> 
> p.s. sorry if the ending is a bit abrupt. The chapter was getting way too long and I didn't know where to end it.


	17. Battlefield

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance executes its final attack on the First Order.

"No," Poe said. He turned away, but Rey rushed around him and met his eyes again.

  
"Poe, please?" Rey asked. She trembled her bottom lip, hoping that Poe's soft side would win over. He frowned deeply for a moment, then dropped the frown.

  
"I don't trust him. I won't work with Kylo Ren. Even if it's to defeat the First Order." Rey gently placed her hand on Poe's arm. He froze, glancing down at it. Rey knew that she was using his not-so-obvious softness for her to her advantage, but she would do anything to defeat the First Order. 

  
"We could use him. After all, besides me, he's the only other trained Force-user! With the two of us, the First Order doesn't stand a chance!" Rey begged. Poe's mouth narrowed into a thin line. Rey raised an eyebrow, praying to the Force that he would say yes.

  
"Fine. But I don't trust him. I want Finn to keep an eye on him. I'll be busy in the sky and Rose is needed elsewhere," Poe said. Rey pumped her fist in the air and quickly wrapped her arms around Poe. He returned the hug, squeezing her tightly. For a moment, it felt like old times. But then he let go of her, and the moment was gone. Rey beamed at Poe, then let go of him and ran off.

 

* * *

 

 "I don't like this. We can invade the base without him," Finn said. The two of them stared at the landing bay, searching the skies.

  
"But it'll be better with him. I get it, Finn," Rey's tone turned impatient, and she tore her eyes away from the sky to glance at Finn, "he tortured you, your time in the First Order was the worst. But can't you see that people change? I mean, look at you! First a Stormtrooper, now a leader of the Resistance! Is it so hard to think that he could change too?" Finn made a face, and it revealed what he truly thought. Rey broke her gaze and stared back towards the skies.

  
A ship slowly swirled down from the atmosphere, dark and metallic. Rey suddenly flashed back to the two doors. The mask of Kylo Ren breathed down her neck.

  
"Here's your boyfriend. Try to keep him from killing anyone," Finn spat, venom in his voice. Rey's heart panged. How was it that their friendship broke apart so quickly?

  
The landing ramp lowered, and Ben stepped out. Gone was the cape. He wore his tunic and boots, his pants tucked into his footwear. His gloves were gone too, leaving his hands bare. Rey marvelled at his new haircut. She had no idea where he got it, but the somewhat shorter locks looked good on him. Ben approached the two of them with a stride in his step. But Rey could see his hands shake when he stopped in front of them.

  
"Finn," Ben said coldly, meeting the younger man's eyes.

  
"Kylo," Finn replied, his voice ice. Ben's hands shook, then he curled them into fists.

  
"It's _Ben_ , now," Ben corrected. Finn raised an eyebrow.

  
"Is that so?" Rey stepped in between the two men, pushing them away from each other. Ben seemed to relax just with Rey's touch.

  
"Okay, boys. We have work to do," Rey interrupted. Finn huffed, turning away from them. Ben glanced down at Rey, reaching up to touch Rey's hand. She dropped her hand from his chest, entwining it with Ben's.

  
"Are you okay?" Rey asked. Those three words held more than what was on the surface. Rey and Ben had gone through so much within the last couple of weeks. She was asking so much more than what she said.

  
Their journey together had been a difficult one. But it had brought them to so many adventures. Without Ben, Rey knew that she never would have left Jakku. She never would have discovered the Force inside of her. She never would have learned to trust.

  
And Ben would've never gotten away from the grips of the dark side. He would've stayed Kylo Ren, a merciless killer who killed in the name of the Force and Snoke. Ben never would have realised who he truly was.

  
But now, they were together. They had grown, matured into who they are meant to be. And they did it together.

  
"Yes," Ben replied, and Rey could see the truth in his eyes. She squeezed his hand, then let it go.

  
"Let's go take down the First Order," Rey said.

 

* * *

 

 The sound of X-wings roared in Rey's ears. She glanced towards the skies, watching as the ships cut through the ash-filled air.

  
"Rey!" A voice shouted at her. She turned towards the sound just in time to see a Stormtrooper charging at her. Rey pulled up her lightsaber, blocking the blaster bolt just in time. She slashed at the Stormtrooper, and he fell to the ground.

  
Rey concentrated back on the battle. Small pools of lava sprinkled the landscape, and burnt trees gave the planet the look of a graveyard. Blaster bolts were fired through the air. Rey could barely see Ben weaving his red lightsaber through the thick ash. He turned to her, the lower half of his face covered by a breathing apparatus. Rey pawed at her own breathing apparatus, hating how it sucked onto her face. Ben nodded at her before switching back to the Stormtrooper he was currently battling.

  
"How much longer?" Rey shouted at Finn, his profile unmistakeable. He said something in reply, but the breathing apparatus masked his words.

  
"What?" Rey yelled, rushing towards Finn. He shot at someone behind her, and Rey heard a Stormtrooper crumple to the ground.

  
"Give Rose some time! Her team will complete the mission!" Finn shouted at Rey. He was right. But Rey didn't know how much longer the Resistance could hold out. Even with Ben and Rey on the Resistance's side, the First Order still outnumbered them.

  
Fire burst in the sky, and Rey saw a black and orange X-wing burst through it. She smiled. At least Poe was having fun.

  
Rey switched back to the battle. She roared as she stuck out her lightsaber, perpendicular to her body. She rushed forward, her feet almost tripping over each other. The Force seemed to swirl around her, pointing her in the direction of her enemies. She felt the adrenaline rush through her. It was a euphoric feeling. A sick feeling. A jolt of satisfaction shot through her at the sight of a Stormtrooper on the receiving end of her strike. Rey chastised herself. She can't enjoy this. She can't be like Hux. Like Snoke.

  
Rey jerked her eyes towards Ben. It seemed like he was barely holding on. His eyebrows were narrowed in anger as he slashed his lightsaber at a Stormtrooper. His hand shot out, pulling a Stormtrooper towards him. Ben struck the Stormtrooper, and the armoured enemy fell to the ground as Ben's Force-grip on him released. Rey ran towards Ben, blocking another blaster bolt.

  
"Ben!" Rey yelled, her words muffled by the breathing apparatus and the sounds of the battle. Ben turned towards her, his eyes wild with anger. Rey placed a hand on his arm, and Ben seemed to calm. He nodded, turning away from Rey to fight again.

  
An explosion erupted from the base overlooking the field of lava pools. Rey smiled. That was their cue. She grabbed Ben's hand, pulling him towards the spiralling tower that was the First Order's base of operations. Ben swung his lightsaber, blocking blaster bolts as they ran through the battlefield.

  
"Finn, let's go!" Rey shouted as they passed Finn. He grunted as he threw a Stormtrooper off of him.

  
"Go ahead! I'll hold them off!" Finn waved Rey and Ben off. There was no time to argue. Finn turned towards her, his eyes smiling. Maybe their friendship wasn't as destroyed as she thought. The thought made her smile underneath the breathing apparatus. Rey nodded, pulling Ben along with her as she deflected blaster bolts with her lightsaber.

  
The two of them rushed to the entrance of the towering building. The doors opened, and they ran through the hallways, hurrying towards the elevator that would take them to the upper levels. The obsidian walls seemed to close around them as they found the elevator.

  
"Where's Rose?" Rey said absentmindedly. Her feet faltered as she thought of her friend. Rose's mission was over; the base's communications and weapons systems were down. There was no escape for the First Order.

  
"She'll be okay," Ben replied, pulling Rey into the elevator. As the elevator doors closed, Rey and Ben ripped the breathing masks off of their faces, stuffing them into the pouches at their belts.

  
Rey breathed heavily, staring up into Ben's eyes. His hair was wild, with flickers of ash sprinkled on his hair and skin. He parted his mouth slightly as they both breathed in the sterilised air. Ben's gaze trailed down Rey's eyes to her lips.

  
Rey reached upwards, pulling Ben towards her. His murmur of surprise was muffled by their lips crashing together. They kissed for some time, grasping at each other in a desperate way. Finally, they pulled apart. Rey rested her head on Ben's chest, and he pulled her closer, resting his chin on her head. She wrapped her arms around him. Rey closed her eyes, feeling only Ben against her. She couldn't resist smiling. They might've been on an elevator, riding towards their doom, but Rey wouldn't be anywhere else.

  
"I love you," Ben breathed out. Rey smile grew wider, and she pulled away to kiss Ben. He seemed to sigh in relief against her.

  
"I love you too," Rey murmured against his lips. The elevator dinged, and Rey and Ben pulled apart. Rey gripped her lightsaber, prepared for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are nearing the end, my friends. Do not worry, there are a couple more chapters coming up. Ben and Rey will still go through some angst before the end. It will hopefully be dramatic. I actually have trouble writing emotional scenes because I don't really feel emotions when I read books. If something sad happens in a book, I don't feel sad. It's weird. That doesn't stop me from writing the angstiest angst you have hopefully ever seen next chapter!
> 
> Thank you to my sister, who was very excited to hear that I was ending it. Then I said that I already had more ideas for the next fic, and she groaned. She may try to hide her love of my writing, but I know that she'll forever support me.
> 
> AND THANK YOU, GUYS! We've reached 100 kudos on this fic! I looked it up, and literally started jumping around my living room in excitement! This is truly a dream come true! 
> 
> make sure to check out my Tumblr: auds-writing. I don't know what to put on it, so if you have any suggestions please comment them down below.


	18. Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben face off against Hux. Devastating events occur.

"You're expected," Hux said as the elevator doors opened. Rey suddenly had deja vu. They had been here before. Hopefully, they would leave this throne room without any major injuries.

  
"Give it up, Hux. You're dead," Ben gritted out. Rey could sense his discomfort in the Force. She knew she couldn't help him, so instead, she just tightened her grip on her lightsaber.

  
"Is that so?" Hux hummed, his hands straightened behind his back. Rey glanced around at the impromptu command room. There was no throne, no empty space. It was definitely a command centre. Consoles were everywhere, their screens blinking with data. There was a desk at the front of the room, obviously Hux's.

  
"The First Order will fall today," Rey stepped forward, projecting confidence she didn't know she had into her voice. "And you will fall with it." Hux's slight smile faltered a bit, pure hatred in his eyes.

  
"Do you really think that we'll fall today? No, today we will _crush_ the Resistance. And _you_ with it," Hux snivelled. Ben's stance tightened beside Rey.

  
"We'll see about that," Ben spat out. Then, he ignited his lightsaber and charged Hux, roaring. Hux sidestepped the assault and quickly pulled out a blaster. Ben glanced up in time to see the blaster bolt sail towards him. He blocked it with his lightsaber.

  
Rey suddenly realised that she needed to join this battle. She was certain that she would be able to take Hux down. After all, he wasn't powerful enough to defeat them.

  
Rey charged after Ben, rushing towards Hux. He ducked underneath the blades, then something sharp poked at Rey's neck. She cried out, falling to the floor.

  
It felt like pure fire, flowing through her veins. Rey couldn't feel anything but the pain. Her hands touched something cool, but it wasn't enough to dull the pain. Vaguely, Rey heard Ben call her name. Her heart pounded in her ears.

  
"What did you do to her?" Ben's voice echoed through her head. Rey's entire body started to shake.

  
"You weren't the only one with tricks, _Ren_ ," Hux replied.

  
Rey cried out as the poison reached her brain. Then, she felt nothing but darkness.

 

* * *

 

  _A vast expanse of white stood before her. She took a step forward, blinking. The feeling of sand in her shoes scratched at her. She closed her eyes, feeling the desert breeze. Her eyes opened, and the bright desert formed before her. Her back ached from today's haul. It was almost too heavy to be carried to Niima, but she made it._

  
_Her grip on her staff remained strong as she made her way home. The sun beat down on her back. She wondered absentmindedly when the heat wave would end._

  
_It never truly did._

  
_The fallen AT-AT finally came into view. She found the strength to hurry faster to her destination. A smile came to her face. The first smile in days. Starvation forced her frown. But for some reason, seeing her home in the distance brightened her day._

  
_She placed her staff down, collapsing onto her bed. The day's work had been more difficult than usual. She closed her eyes, daydreaming of a better life. Maybe one day she'd finally see the ocean._

  
_A crash outside of the AT-AT brought her out of her daydream. She grabbed her staff, inching towards the opening of the AT-AT. She rushed outside, aiming her staff at the noise._

  
_A dark-clothed man was on his knees, glancing up at her. His hair was dark and wavy, falling down to his shoulders. A scar trailed down the right side of his face. He was handsome, in a slightly unconventional way. Separate, his big nose, expressive eyes, and plump lips wouldn't have worked on a man. But together, he looked almost beautiful. His dark clothes covered a strong body. She thought absentmindedly that he would be a good scavenger. But after last time, she didn't want another partner._

  
_"Hey!" she shouted, poking at him with her staff. He didn't move, his eyes pleading. Tears slipped down his face. What was the matter with him?_

  
_"You need to move. This is my home. I don't tolerate campers here. Find somewhere else," she said, softer than before. Something about him made her want to touch his hair, his face._

  
_He opened his mouth, but only strangled sounds came out. She poked him again with her staff._

  
_"Get out!" He did nothing, only stared at her with hurt eyes. She rolled her eyes. She couldn't leave him here to die. After all, from the looks of it, a sandstorm was coming._

  
_"Fine, get up. Come with me," she said, turning away from him. She heard the sound of him getting to his feet. Leading him into the AT-AT, she clutched her staff to her_ _chest. She turned around, then cranked her neck upward. He was massive, towering over her. Her hand itched, and the feeling of wanting to touch his chest overwhelmed her. What was wrong with her? Why did it feel so natural to be beside him?_

  
_"Sit down," she commanded, and he sat down on the floor. He glanced around, taking in the marks on the wall and the dying plants. She felt the need to cup his face with her hands. Tear stains followed the path of his scar. He kept grasping at his stomach, almost absentmindedly._

  
_"What's wrong with your stomach?" she asked, and he faced her. Fresh tears fell down his face. He stared at her, betrayal in his eyes._

  
_"You did this, Rey," he said in a deep treble. He tore open his tunic to show a lightsaber wound. She froze. Blood dripped down his lips, falling down his chin. His eyes shined with unshed tears, and he stared at her. His lips parted slightly, and the blood fell into his mouth._

  
_"You've killed me."_

 

* * *

 

 Rey gasped, coming to her senses. Hux's laugh echoed in her head. What happened? She was poisoned. Her breath came in quick gasps as her eyes finally focused on what was in front of her.

  
Ben was crying, tears trailing down his face. He gasped for breath, inhaling air. A blue glow illuminated his face. That's when Rey realised that her lightsaber was impaled in his chest.

  
Rey's heart beat rapidly. She turned off the lightsaber, hooking it back on her belt. She reached around, holding Ben in her arms. Her hand trailed through Ben's hair as she stroked his face

  
"I'm sorry," she repeated over and over again. There was no hatred in Ben's eyes. Only fear, mixed with love. He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

  
"It seems, that in your crazed anger, you've killed your enemy. Congratulations, Rey. You've won the war," Hux smirked at Rey as his words broke her down. He had poisoned her, forced her to stab Ben. And now Ben was dying, once again. Rey was at an impasse.

  
Rey's vision turned red as she gently laid down Ben. Then, she turned to Hux. There were no thoughts going through her. She only felt rage.

  
She roared, pulling her lightsaber to her hand using the Force. Hux's smiling face turned to surprise as Rey ran her lightsaber through his chest. Satisfaction flowed through her. Ben's groans echoed in her head as she pulled out the lightsaber, letting Hux drop to the ground. Rey exhaled shakily, her knuckles turning white. Hux collapsed to the floor, cradling his wound in his hand. He choked on his own blood, then let out one last sigh as he died.

  
Hux was dead.

  
Rey turned back to Ben, the rage fading as she rushed to her lover. Within minutes, Ben would die. Rey knew enough about lightsaber wounds to know that he was holding on by a scrap. Rey fell to her knees, pulling Ben onto her lap as she cradled his head.

  
"Ben," Rey said, over and over again. Her heart was panging, screaming with heartbreak. Her hands were trembling violently as she threaded her fingers through his hair.

Ben's entire body tensed, and he closed his eyes.

  
"No, no, stay awake. Please stay awake, Ben," Rey pleaded, lightly touching his cheek. Ben's body was cold, and he didn't respond to the touch. Rey's heart dropped in her chest. She leaned forward, hovering her ear over Ben's mouth. There was a trickle of breath, and Rey sighed in relief. He was still alive.

  
"What do I do, Ben?" Rey asked aloud. He didn't respond. A sudden thought struck her.

  
Maybe he never would.

  
Rey hovered her hand over the gaping wound in his chest, trying to concentrate on the Force. But the Force didn't come to her. Rey started to hyperventilate, fearing that Ben would die.

  
Memories flashed in her head. A planet covered in green. A turquoise pool. Skin melding back together. The Force, omniscient on this planet. These memories seemed foreign, not of her own mind. They were Ben's. The planet was orbiting the same sun as the planet they were on. It was Ben's only hope.

  
"Okay, Ben. I understand. Don't worry," Rey murmured. Ben didn't reply. Rey moved so that she was crouching down, then wrapped her arms under his neck and legs. Rey pushed herself to her knees, holding Ben in her arms. His entire body went slack, like a doll. Rey's heart skipped a beat, but she ignored it. She had to ignore it. Or she would lose her mind.

  
Rey carried Ben to the elevator, waiting as it descended. Each moment passing was one moment closer to Ben's death. Rey glanced down at his pale face, his closed eyes. Panic flared in her, and she suddenly wished the elevator would move faster.

  
Finally, there was a ding, and the doors slid open. Rey rushed out of the elevator, cradling Ben to her chest as she ran out of the building.

  
There was no time to examine the battlefield, but from her quick glances, Rey assumed that they had won. Armoured bodies were scattered around the field, and the exhausted members of the Resistance had looks of triumph on their faces.

  
Finn's smile faded when he saw Rey carrying Ben. He rushed over, and Rey almost laughed out of relief.

  
"What's the matter?" Finn asked. Concern was etched onto every pore on his face.

  
"He's dying. I need to leave, immediately," Rey said, her voice surprisingly calm. She was sure she looked crazy, with messed up hair and constant tear tracks. Finn nodded, placing a steadying hand on her shoulder before helping to clear a path for Rey.

  
Her back arched and her legs screamed, but Rey ignored them. All she cared about was Ben. She rushed towards a shuttle, running onboard to place Ben inside. As the ramp raised, Rey turned back to see Finn. Somehow, Rey found the strength to smile. Finn smiled back, and Rey knew inside that they were friends again.

  
The ramp closed, and Rey went back into protection mode. She gently laid Ben down, careful around his wound. His head lolled to the side, and his arms went slack. Rey's heart sunk, but she ignored the feeling and rushed to the cockpit. She fired up the engines, pushing the ship to its limits as they sped through the atmosphere and towards the planet from her vision.

  
Rey glanced at the console, reading the data displayed. The ship said it would take only five minutes to arrive at the planet. Rey pulled a lever, switching the ship to autopilot. She unbuckled and ran to Ben. His entire body was slack, unmoving. Fear ricocheted through her. Something was wrong. Had been wrong since the elevator. Her hand inched forward, towards him.

  
The cockpit beeped, and Rey ran into the cockpit. She slid into the pilot's seat, pulling the ship out of autopilot. Rey froze in awe, momentarily forgetting her troubles as she gazed at the planet from her vision.

  
She landed the ship, mesmerised by the towering trees and sounds. The planet seemed to have a presence. Almost as if it was alive.

  
Rey shut off the ship, suddenly remembering why she was here. The way to the healing pool was imprinted in her mind. It's why she was able to land so close to the pool. Rey glanced at Ben, staring at his incredibly pale skin and limp body. Her heart thudded, trying to tell her what she already knew. But Rey refused to listen. She lifted Ben into her arms, carrying him down the ramp.

  
The first thing that entered her senses was the smell. It smelled fresh like long walks and hands clasped together. Rey inhaled the scent, letting it wash over her. Next was the overwhelming look of green. There was green grass, green trees, green bushes and flowers and plants. It made her smile in this time of hardship.

  
Rey started to run in the general direction of where she thought the pool was. Ben was heavy in her arms, and with each step, she was tempted to give up. But the feeling of Ben in her arms overwhelmed any other feeling.

  
She hoped she wasn't too late. But something inside her told her she already was.

 

* * *

 

 Rey's eyes widened at the sight of the pool. The turquoise pool seemed to shine in the sun. Rey stepped into the pool. It was the perfect temperature, and she felt the need to sigh. But she didn't dare. Not while Ben was still injured, with a lightsaber wound piercing his chest.

  
Rey held Ben, watching as his tunic flowed in the water. She held his head above the water, glancing at the wound in his chest. Rey prayed to the Force, prayed that his broken cells would bond back together, that he would soon gasp and shoot up and he'd be okay and they'd kiss and it would be like the first time again. Rey prayed that this wouldn't be the last time she felt him in her arms.

  
His skin was cold, his body slack. Rey balanced Ben on her leg, reaching up to touch two of her fingers against his throat.

  
She couldn't feel his veins thrumming as blood rushed through them. Rey couldn't feel Ben's pulse.

  
She breathed out shakily, watching as his hair floated in the water. Ben was dead. Ben was dead. He had probably been dead since the elevator. He had taken his last breath long ago.

  
Rey gasped as tears fell down her face. She held Ben up to her, cradling his body. Somehow, she couldn't fathom the thought of never seeing Ben again. Rey leaned her forehead against Ben's, letting all of her emotions out. She tried to say something, but only a strangled noise came out.

  
Rey touched her lips to Ben's, giving him the last kiss she would ever give him. The last kiss. The last one. All of the emotions flooding through her suddenly increased tenfold. Her breath came rapidly, and her vision blurred. Her entire body shook with the effort of her tears. She couldn't feel anything. Her stomach tightened. Her mind screamed at her.

_Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben. My Ben. My poor, poor Ben. My love. My Ben._

  
Rey pulled away, holding Ben in her arms as she stared into the sky.

  
Ben was dead. And it was all her fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;). He dead. But don't worry, friends. This is not the final chapter. I think it'll end around chapter 20. We still have two chapters to go! I had a tough time writing Rey's thoughts as Ben died, but I think I did it justice. I'll let you be the judge.
> 
> Thank you to my sister. She finally admitted that my work is good, she just doesn't like Reylo. Surprisingly, tough love sometimes works.
> 
> AND THANK YOU, GUYS! I am so surprised that so many of you are still reading. Every little thing helps, truly. 
> 
> please go check out my tumblr: auds-writing.


	19. Renewal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war has ended. Now Rey must live.

_Darkness. All he felt was darkness. He floated in it, revelled in it._

  
_The dark was cold. And yet, the freezing temperatures failed to hurt him. It failed to touch him. Darkness's touch trailed his skin._

  
_Then he opened his eyes._

  
_All he saw was darkness. His pale skin was an outlier in this abyss. He licked his lips and tasted metal. Raising his hand, he wiped his mouth, then stared at his hand._

  
_Blood floated off of his hand, mixing with the darkness. He took a deep breath, his heart beating rapidly. Fear coursed through him._

  
_Where was she? What had happened? His last memories were fleeting. Every time he tried to reach for them, they ran away from him._

  
_He remembered the pain. Pain so strong, he could feel nothing else. Gasping for breath, feeling his lungs fail to capture precious air. Tears falling down his cheeks. Struggling to move, to scream. But the hole in his lungs refused to let him. Her panicked face, her shaking hands as she lifted him into her arms. The guilt, flowing from her tears to his body. The feeling of panic as he knew that death was near. It felt so different from his other brushes with death. Maybe because he knew that this death was certain._

  
_He tried to hold on. Tried to reach for her. Her. The best thing to ever happen to him. He was lost until he found her. Two lonely souls, traversing the galaxy to find their place. Then their hands touched above a fire, and her soul resonated with his. There was nothing else that seemed to matter now. He may have messed up. Clung to his past like it was a lifeline. She had yelled, had screamed at him. Had ignored him, left him to be alone again. It had hurt, punctured his soul. Then she had come to him again. Had graced him with her lips. They wrapped their arms around each other each night. At first because of loneliness. But then, for love._

  
_And he did love her. He loved her more than he had ever loved before. Because of her, he loved himself. He realised his true potential._

  
_It was all gone, now. Now, he was in darkness. And he was failing to remember her name._

  
_His memories broke off of him, twirling away from him and melting into the darkness. He reached for them, his fingers stretching to their limit to try and pluck them from the darkness. But they smiled at him and rushed away. His chest tightened as questions flooded his mind. Questions he could not answer._

  
_Who am I? Who is she? Where am I? What is my name?_

  
_His memories teased him, dashing into his reach, then running away as he reached for them._

  
_He tried to scream, and his lungs reminded him of the hole in his chest. He closed his mouth, still tasting blood on his lips._

  
_Then he closed his eyes. He wanted to give up. Surrender to the darkness. After all, if couldn't remember who he was, then what was the point of living?_

  
_An ethereal sound played in his ears. It sounded like hope, like sunshine, like cool breezes and soft lips and smooth hands and long nights and dark thoughts and the feeling of water washing over you. It sounded like grass, like sweaty bodies pulsing against each other, like the smell of a newborn baby, like threading your hands through soft hair, like parchment, like the look of ink as it swirled around the page, like dancing in the dark. It sounded like the Force._

  
_He opened his eyes to see light. The light cut through the darkness, shining and true. The light reached out to him, and he started to inch towards it. But the darkness clutched onto him, screaming at him. Death's grip was desperate. He turned to the darkness, smiling._

  
We'll see each other again _, he said. The darkness released its grip, watching as he reached towards the light._

  
_He took the light's hand, letting it pull him out of oblivion._

 

* * *

 

 Rey refused to let him go.

  
She held Ben in her arms, cradling his body. She had found a spot in the pool where she could sit, so she did. Her hand trailed through his hair and down his face. She leaned against the wall, closing her eyes as she let the sun warm her.

  
She wasn't sure she would ever leave this pool. Not without Ben. She didn't want to forget how he felt in her arms.

  
Rey was tired. This war had given her everything. But it has also taken everything away. When she was first drawn into it, she was hesitant, if not a bit excited. A chance to finally do something had fallen into her lap. And that chance had given her more than she ever thought she needed.

  
She was hesitant to love Ben. For more reasons that she realised. Now, that she knew what she wanted, it was too late. Ben would never whisper her name again. He would never touch his lips to her skin. She would never be able to know him as intimately as only a lover could.

  
He was lost to her. And it hurt more than anything.

  
Rey knew that she had to give him up as well. She couldn't stay here forever. No matter how much she wants to.

  
She slowly got to her feet. A question came to her, a question she never thought she would ever have to answer.

  
What does she do with Ben's body?

  
One of the Jedi texts told her that the funeral procession for a Jedi was to burn the body. It was the ultimate sacrifice, and so the body was to be gifted to the Force. Rey didn't know where she would burn it, or how.

  
Still holding Ben, Rey stepped out of the pool. She gently placed him down, looking up to see the stars shining above her. How long had she been in that pool? She didn't know.

  
Rey picked up Ben's body again, carrying him to the clearing where she landed the shuttle. She placed him on the floor, brushing his hair back.

  
She started to gather the broken branches from the trees around her. She refused to think. Instead, she just acted. Rey made a pile, strong enough to withstand Ben's weight. Rey picked up Ben, laying him on the makeshift pyre. She rushed into the shuttle, grabbing the emergency kits and pulling out a match. Rey ran back outside, lighting the match. She took a deep breath.

  
Ben suddenly gasped, shooting up on the pyre. He grasped at his stomach as he looked around, his eyes wild. He twisted around, finally seeing Rey.

  
A million emotions flew through Rey. She laughed, her heart beating rapidly. Rey didn't even wait, rushing towards Ben. He grunted as she jumped onto the pyre, wrapping her arms around him as she cried into his chest.

  
"Hey, hey," Ben whispered into her ear. Rey's entire body shook with the effort. How beautiful his voice sounded. How amazing it was to hear him once again. She never thought she would hear him again.

  
Rey pulled away, then took his face in her hands and crushed her lips to his. She kissed Ben like it was the last kiss she would ever give him. She never wanted to leave him again. She never wanted to see his cold, pale body again.

  
"Ben," Rey choked out, whispering his name like it was a prayer. He smiled against her lips, and she laughed again.

  
Rey rested her forehead against Ben's, not daring to open her eyes. She was afraid that it was a dream. That Ben was still gone, and that Rey was alone.

  
A thumb stroked her scar, tracing the broken skin. A scar she got from saving him. Their scar.

  
"Hey, it's okay. I'm okay," Ben murmured. Rey pulled away, staring into his eyes. His beautiful, dark eyes. Rey traced the colours in his eyes with her eyes. They were filled with such love, such happiness.

  
"Marry me," Rey gasped out, unable to hold it in any longer. Ben laughed once, then closed his eyes and pulled his forehead to hers once again.

  
"Okay. I love you. I love you so much. I'll never love anyone as much as I'll love you," Ben whispered. He traced his lips down Rey's mouth, then up her jaw. She bent her head back, revelling in the feeling of his lips against her skin. Rey lightly tapped Ben's head, and he pulled away, staring up at her with his beautiful eyes.

  
"I'm sorry," Rey said, tears slipping down her face. "I'm so sorry, Ben. I'm sorr—"

  
"Stop," Ben said, putting one slender finger to her lips. Her stomach tightened, and her fingernails dug into Ben's skin. "It wasn't your fault. You weren't in control. You couldn't do anything. It's okay, Rey. I'm okay. We're okay." Rey buried her head in the crook of Ben's neck, breathing along with him to calm herself.

  
"I love you," Rey said into Ben's skin.

  
"I love you, too," Ben replied into her hair.

 

* * *

 

 They landed at the base, Rey never letting go of Ben's head. He smiled at her when she glanced at him, and sometimes she would study his profile as he stared ahead. Rey would never tire of looking at Ben. She would never tire of him.

  
Rey stood at the ramp, suddenly freezing. What if Poe and Finn didn't accept her? What if she was back to being alone?

  
Ben squeezed her hand, and Rey felt a rush of confidence flow through her. She pressed the button, and the ramp lowered.

  
Her friends were already there, with anticipation written on their faces. Rose's smile grew wider, and she let go of Finn to rush towards her friend. Rey laughed as she hugged Rose, revelling in the feeling of her friend's love.

  
Rey let go of Rose, turning to see Finn. His indifferent expression caused her blood to freeze. The two stared each other down for a second, and Finn's eyes flickered to Ben's. But Finn jogged up to Rey and wrapped his arms around her.

  
"I'm glad you're safe," Finn whispered in her ears. Rey almost laughed. He still thought of her as a friend. It was a weight off her shoulders.

  
Poe walked up so slowly that Rey barely noticed he moved until he was next to her. Finn released his grip, wrapping his arm around Rose instead. Rose smiled up at Finn, and his grin grew. They were suited to each other, Rey thought. In a weird way.

  
Poe pulled Rey into his hug, and she smiled into his shoulder. The hug was brief but meaningful. He had forgiven her. Rey pulled away, and Poe flashed his trademark smirk.

  
"It's nice to see you," Poe said, and Rey smiled in return.

  
"You too, Poe," Rey replied. Poe turned to Ben, his smile faltering. Ben stood tall, but Rey could see his nervousness in the way he shifted his feet and wrung his fingers. Poe stuck out a hand, and Ben shook it.

  
"Welcome to the light side. Hope you stay here for good," Poe said, his voice firm but soothing.

  
"Me too." Ben glanced at Rey, then back at Poe. Rey took Ben's hand once again, unable to contain her joy. They were all safe, they were all together. There may have been a few bumps in the road, but they had grown.

  
"My boy," an elderly yet strong voice said. The group turned to see Leia Organa and Chewbacca standing behind them. Ben tensed beside Rey, squeezing her fingers.

  
"Mother," Ben said, stiff. Mother and son stared into each other's eyes before Leia donned a smile.

  
"Come here, Ben." Leia opened her arms, and Ben let go of Rey's hand and fell into his mother's arms. Rey could barely make out what Leia said next.

  
"I'm glad to see that you've come to your senses." Ben tightened his hold on Leia, and Rey saw a single tear slip down his face. He pulled away, keeping his hands on Leia's arms.

  
"Mother, I—" he began, but Leia hushed him with a hand to his cheek.

  
"Hush now, son. None of that here. Don't worry. It's okay," Leia's words were warm, and Ben relaxed at her touch. They pulled apart, and Chewbacca embraced his best friend's son. He purred quiet words in Ben's ear, and the younger man laughed softly. They pulled away.

  
"Welcome home," Leia said. Rey slipped her hand into Ben's, and he stared at her as they intertwined. His smile flooded her insides with warmth. Rey realised something that she had known for a long time.

  
As long as she had Ben, everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's alive. Sorry for the horrid tease. It was a plot bunny that couldn't get out of my head. The idea was that he did die, but Rey's refusal to get out of the pool of healing gave the Force time to bring him back. Also, I wanted that kiss of life. But he's alive! Next chapter will be an epilogue, and then this will finally be ended. 
> 
> Thank you to my sister, who has supported me through thick and thin. Nothing would be completed without her.
> 
> Thank you to all who have read this. This has been an amazing journey to share with you all.
> 
> check out my tumblr, maybe: auds-writing


	20. The End Of Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben attend a funeral.

"Do you think we'll ever truly heal from the scars of our childhoods?" Rey whispered in the dark. Ben murmured a reply, his voice muffled by the pillow. She hiked her leg up against his bare thigh and traced his spine with her finger.

  
"I think that our childhoods allowed us to be here. We may have made mistakes, but we're here now. And all is forgiven," he replied.

  
"Do you regret anything," she asked. He flipped onto his back, lifing his hand to cup her cheek. She moved to sit on his stomach, bending down to lightly kiss him.

  
"No," he said after her lips had left his. She rolled over to tuck herself into his side.

  
"Nothing?" she murmured. He stared at the ceiling.

  
"Nothing," he replied. She watched as he got up from the bed, his body framing the closed window. She admired the view. He wrapped a bathrobe around him, opening the window.

  
The view was beautiful. Crashing seas against vibrant green. It was the island she had dreamed about in the desert. The home she always wanted. And now she got to share it with her husband.

  
"I still have nightmares, you know? About you dying," she said. He froze, turning to her.

  
"I have nightmares too. But then I wake up, and I see you. Then I realise. They're just nightmares," he said. She got up too and embraced him. She stood on her tiptoes so that her lips would reach his. For a few moments, they let each other fall into their arms.

  
"Are you ready?" Rey asked, and Ben's eyes clouded over.

  
"No. Let's go," Ben replied. Rey's hand fell down his cheek and rested on his chest.

  
"I'm here. Don't retreat into yourself. You can talk to me," Rey whispered. Ben nodded, entwining his hand with hers.

  
"I know," Ben said.

 

* * *

 

 It was raining. As the water pounded on her umbrella, Rey thought about how fitting it was. After all, they were here for a specific reason.

  
Ben was quiet next to her. Rey expected nothing less. He held her hand as they traversed the grass towards the small gathering of people. She squeezed his hand, and he squeezed back.

  
Finn waved them towards him and Rose. Rey smiled slightly at the sight of Rose and Finn's son, sleeping soundly in the crook of Rose's arm. The baby's eyes were wide as he observed the world around him. Rey let go of Ben to hover her finger near the baby's hand. The baby grasped onto it, and Rey felt joy course through her. She smiled at Ben, who gave a slight smirk in return. Rey let go of the baby, then gave a one-armed hug to Rose.

  
"How have you been?" Rey whispered.

  
"This guy's been keeping us up all night. But I wouldn't trade it for the world," Rose replied. Rey suddenly thought of a different baby. One of her imagination. One with black hair and hazel eyes. One with lighter hair and chocolate eyes. Rey shook herself out of her thoughts.

  
Poe came over a solemn expression on his face. He had tamed his wild hair, and he wore dark clothes. Rey gave Poe a quick hug and then pulled away.

  
"We're ready to start," Poe said. Rey nodded, reaching for Ben's hand. She could feel his turmoil in the Force.

  
They all approached the grave. Rey knew that if she opened the coffin, she would see Leia laying peacefully in it. Ben's grip tightened, and Rey stroked her thumb over his fingers. There was only them at the funeral; everybody else had either passed long ago or were unable to make it. Chewbacca had gone back to his home planet.

  
"Would anyone like to say a few words?" Poe asked. There was silence for a minute, then Ben softly spoke.

  
"I would." Rey glanced at Ben in shock. She hadn't expected him to say anything.

  
He walked up to the grave, his entire body tensed. Ben stood tall, staring at the grave.

  
"Mother. For so long, I had resented you. I felt like you had abandoned me. Then you and Father sent me away. And I resented you more. I spent years harbouring those feelings of abandonment, using them as a conduit for the dark side. Then I saw Father. And I killed him. I regretted it immediately. It had not made me stronger, as I thought it would. It made me vulnerable, closer to the light. You stood strong, even when I ignored you and spat ugly words at you. You helped me realise who I was supposed to be. And for that, I'll be forever grateful. I love you, Mom," Ben said this all with a strong voice. He turned around, and Rey saw the tears shining in his eyes. He took a step towards Rey, and she embraced him as he cried. She rubbed his back, then cupped his face.

 

* * *

 

 Rey's nose rested against Ben's spine. Her arm wrapped around his side, entwining with Ben's hand.

  
"Are you okay?" Rey whispered against his back. He didn't respond. She wondered if he was asleep.

  
"Yes. She was old, and it was time. I just wonder if I'll see her again," Ben finally responded.

  
"You'll see her. You'll see everybody again," Rey replied. Ben shifted so he was facing Rey.

  
"I know," Ben said. Rey kissed him, and they closed their eyes as they wrapped their arms around each other. Rey couldn't help but think that this was where she was meant to be. She loved him.

  
"I love you," Ben said.

  
"I love you too," Rey replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. My. Goodness. It's over. Something I've spent two months on is finally over. It has truly been a journey. A journey of diving into the depths of Rey and Ben's relationship. Countless hours spent typing. At one point I got carpal tunnel from typing so much. And it's over. I am so happy with how this turned out. This has been so amazing. When I started this, I was afraid I'd never finish it. And I almost didn't go through with it. It was difficult at times. But I pushed through it. And now, it's finished.
> 
> Thank you to my sister, who spent many nights brainstorming with me, talking about Rey and Ben, and just being there for me. She gave me courage when I doubted myself, and pushed me to travel to the boundaries of my imagination. I will forever be grateful for her. I love you, sis.
> 
> Thank you to all who have read this. Each time I saw that someone had read this, I jumped in the air with happiness. Each comment filled me with joy, each bookmark made me dance in my living room, each kudos made me smile with glee. I cannot put into words how much it means to me that people actually enjoy this. Thank you.
> 
> This is not the end of my writing. I will keep writing Reylo. Check out my tumblr: auds-writing, for updates on my newest fics.
> 
> Thank you, everyone. May the Reylo be with you. 
> 
> ~Audbooh


End file.
